The Darkley Niche

ZotB: Disney's Zombi

2011-06-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

Apologies again for the lack of updates, and for the run-on (Or is it "shamble-on"?) of "Zombies on the Brain" postings. We'll try to come up with more, eventually. In the meantime, enjoy this little Disney parody.

Oh, 'Mad TV'. How you've tainted my childhood.

ZotB: Chainsaw Maid

2011-06-12T20:04:00.000-07:00

It's rather apparent that these two claymations were made by different creators, judging both in their varying storytelling styles and the appearance of the animations themselves. The overall tone of the first claymation is more dramatic and done at a slower, building pace, which works well in its favor with the "silent" theme of the film. ("Silent" in that there are no voices given to the characters, only subtitles. However, background music and sound effects are present.) We're drawn in with devices such as the subtle cue in the newspaper articles and the mysterious appearance of a frightened, bloodied woman at their door. Given the previously mentioned remarks, added to the Asian overtones of the short film, it almost has a feel like that present in some of the 'Resident Evil' games with a helping of Romero's 'Night of the Living Dead'. But perhaps we're reaching a little, there.

The sequel claymation, however, is at best a caricature of the former. Scenes like the unbuttoning of the maid's blouse, which originally had an air of secretive taboo, become as outright cartoonish as Tex Avery's "Red Hot Riding Hood." Not to mention that the figures and sets seem a tad on the crude side, particularly when compared to the first. But this rougher aesthetic plays well as an accent to its grittier, gorier theme. The violence becomes a little more creative and the body count much, much higher. Fans of 'The Evil Dead' franchise or 'Braindead' can certainly appreciate this one. As for the Asian overtones, if we can liken the first to the 'Resident Evil' games, this would be the less provocative, Western second-cousin of 'Big Tits Zombie'. Little remains of the original animation's Eastern influence, which is reduced simply to a few, gong-cued subtitles. Needless to say, we had mixed feelings towards the sequel.

'Chainsaw Maid' and 'Chainsaw Maid 2' earn a combined score of three out of five maids.

WARNING: The following animations contain extreme violence, albeit in clay. Viewer discretion is advised.

ZotB: CDC on the zompocalypse

2011-05-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention posted this online article on May 16th, 2011, regarding the inevitable zombie epidemic. Writer Ali S. Khan makes use of the zombie genre's popularity as a means to encourage families and individuals to plan for emergencies, whether or not they involve the walking dead. The following is the unabridged CDC article in its entirety.

__________________________________________

Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse

There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.

A Brief History of Zombies

We’ve all seen at least one movie about flesh-eating zombies taking over (my personal favorite is Resident Evil), but where do zombies come from and why do they love eating brains so much? The word zombie comes from Haitian and New Orleans voodoo origins. Although its meaning has changed slightly over the years, it refers to a human corpse mysteriously reanimated to serve the undead. Through ancient voodoo and folk-lore traditions, shows like the Walking Dead were born.

A couple dressed as zombies - Danny Zucco and Sandy Olsson from the movie Grease walking in the annual Toronto Zombie Walk.

In movies, shows, and literature, zombies are often depicted as being created by an infectious virus, which is passed on via bites and contact with bodily fluids. Harvard psychiatrist Steven Scholzman wrote a (fictional) medical paper on the zombies presented in Night of the Living Dead and refers to the condition as Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome caused by an infectious agent. The Zombie Survival Guide identifies the cause of zombies as a virus called solanum. Other zombie origins shown in films include radiation from a destroyed NASA Venus probe (as in Night of the Living Dead), as well as mutations of existing conditions such as prions, mad-cow disease, measles and rabies.

The rise of zombies in pop culture has given credence to the idea that a zombie apocalypse could happen. In such a scenario zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder “How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”

Well, we’re here to answer that question for you, and hopefully share a few tips about preparing for real emergencies too!

Better Safe than Sorry

So what do you need to do before zombies…or hurricanes or pandemics for example, actually happen? First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored). Below are a few items you should include in your kit, for a full list visit the CDC Emergency page.

Some of the supplies for your emergency kit.

Water (1 gallon per person per day)
Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

Once you’ve made your emergency kit, you should sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door step. You can also implement this plan if there is a flood, earthquake, or other emergency.

Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and one farther away.

Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information.
Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.
Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.
Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.

Never Fear – CDC is Ready

Get a Kit, Make a Plan, Be Prepared.

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).

To learn more about what CDC does to prepare for and respond to emergencies of all kinds, visit:
http://emergency.cdc.gov/cdc/orgs_progs.asp

To learn more about how you can prepare for and stay safe during an emergency visit:
http://emergency.cdc.gov/

To download a badge like the one above that you can add to your social networking profile, blog, website, or email signature visit:
http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies.asp

holiday addition: National Nurses Week

2011-05-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, we come across an observance that we weren't previously familiar with. This time around it's National Nurses Week, which encompasses a number of holidays meant to honor this medical profession, namely: National Nurses Day (May 6th), National Student Nurses Day (May 8th), and the birthday of Florence Nightingale (May 12th). With that in mind, we're making National Nurses Week our latest addition to the Darkley Niche's Seasonal Horror Calendar.

__________________________________________

May 6th-12th - NATIONAL NURSES WEEK

'Misery' (1990)

Best-selling novelist Paul Sheldon is caught driving home in a blizzard, ultimately crashing his car. Thankfully, former nurse and coincidental fan Annie Wilkes happens to chance upon him, taking Paul into her care in a remote house nestled in the woods. Fortunate circumstances, right? Well, not so much when this "dirty bird" doesn't write a new novel the way she likes.

Additional Nurses Week suggestions:
- 'Silent Hill' (2006; light-sensitive nurses with bandaged heads)
- 'Planet Terror' (2007; anesthesiologist Dakota Block and her "three friends," though she's actually a doctor)
- 'Sick Nurses' (2007; Thai horror film about nurses haunted by a past victim)
- 'The Uninvited' (2009; personal nurse turned stepmother)
- 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978; nurse zombie at the mall)

Late Bloomer

2011-05-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

"We all saw it sprawled across the blackboard the second we stepped into Ms. Lovecraft's class... It's wingspan reached from one end of the room to the other, hovering above our heads as if it were about to pounce. It's.. chalk scrawled claws looking ready to grab up an unsuspecting student and fly away..."

Written and directed, respectively, by Clay McLeod Chapman and Craig Macneill , 'Late Bloomer' was among the short films selected in the 2005 Sundance Film Festival, and with good reason. The success of the short is in its ability to personify the progression of confusion, repulsion, anxiety, then obsession of a seventh-grader boy on the precipice of puberty as through the perspective of H.P. Lovecraft, were he perhaps the student during Sex Ed. However, since the schoolteacher is already named after the author, we'll just refer to this nameless student as Randolph Carter. If you got that reference, you likely will catch the allusions made in those classmates that are named. (WARNING: spoilers ahead and sexual content)

Jimmy Pickman, "Pickman's Model"

Norween Dunwich, "The Dunwich Horror"

Larissa Innsmouth, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth"

'Late Bloomer' opens with the echoing twang of guitar strings, accompanied by the reflecting, nervous narration of an apparently adult version of our adolescent protagonist. You can't help but sympathize at least slightly for the perplexed students, as Jimmy Pickman voices aloud their collective confusion, asking, "What is that ungodly thing?" to which our lead replies, "It looks like an octopus." In response, their instructor authoritatively etches the name above its "dome-shaped head" in bold, chalk letters: VAGINA. As is often the case in classrooms, Ms. Lovecraft tells her pupils to repeat this foreign word.

"I shuddered at the sound it's name made in my mouth, whispering it with the rest of the students. It seemed to seep out from over my tongue, the syllables all soft and moist as if it had just drudged itself up from some sordid portion of my stomach, buried for centuries under the muck of my meals, rising up towards my teeth on a tide of bile."

As Randolph is made aware that all women are born with the namesake of that which they were "invoking" in unison, the more he notices that the girls of his class have begun to slink in their seats. Norween Dunwich in particular feverishly writes every "pagan name her high priestess called out" whilst fervently fanning her knees together. Only he seems to see that this was not some ordinary, textbook curriculum. Oh, no. This was in fact a ritual of an eldritch evil that lurked within the very female form, living amongst him and his fellows all along. As if this dawning dread-fright wasn't enough to test the sanity of a seventh grade boy, Ms. Lovecraft unveils from behind a geographical map another ancient blasphemy: "This is... THE PENIS!"

"Maybe a madhouse would be as good of any a place to save me, now. No doctor could erase this profane image from my brain forever... For I found myself staring at Him Who is Not To Be Named... the Mighty, One-Eyed Messenger! THE GOAT WITH A THOUSAND YOUNG!"

All suddenly goes black as Randolph appears in the school office of Principal Peters, the narrator pleading with the flush man in his robin egg blue suit of a foreboding metamorphosis. But the boy's words seem to fall on deaf ears as the scene transitions back to Ms. Lovecraft's classroom, his own horror now likewise engraved on every youthful face therein. It is only then that he is disjointedly aware of another set of eyes, locking onto those of Larissa Innsmouth.

"The creature hidden within her was attempting to communicate with me! It's sole mode of speech were a series of thought waves, transmitted through its clitoral antenna. Even now these beasts talked within their tombs, sending their telepathy out from beyond the cotton lining of all the girl's underwear... MmhmmMaHaHA!"

Losing his much-weakened grasp on known reality, Randolph at last descends into the dark abyss that is the reproductive system, Ms. Lovecraft's idolatry.

Visions of chaotic ecstasy ensue with instructor and fledgling adepts alike immersed in profane rites. Randolph's insane laughter aggressively gives way to guttural growls and all goes black as earlier. Consciousness slips again, bringing him once more before the desk of Principal Peters, whose bloodshot eyes only stare out from behind the sweating, fleshly mask that is his face. Looking back into that face is the calm countenance of Randolph, self-assured that his peers will eventually come to see the same revelations as he had in themselves. Not solely in conscious realization, but in physical actualization. Memory moves us one last time to Ms. Lovecraft's class to bear witness to the final horror, the reason for his presence in the principal's office.

"My pants were now crumpled up at my ankles, my hands hidden below the desktop... Strips of mother of pearl stretched along the floor, as if some slimy beast had been released from within me! The residue of its escape... shining over the linoleuuuuuummm...!"

To paraphrase The Lonely Island: "And now I'm posed in an awkward stance, 'cause I jizzed in my class!"

Here I thought that vomiting over my desk in elementary school was the worst humiliation to have happen in a classroom. That seems much more tame in comparison to this embarrassing incident in the end, but I digress. 'Late Bloomer' seamlessly blends Lovecraftian themes with those closely associated to the awkward transition into puberty, which is what makes the short so ingenious. Furthermore, the students are so thoroughly compelling in their roles that I found myself surprised with exactly how impressive their performance was. Especially when you consider my general disposition towards child actors, which is often one of dissatisfaction. I give it five out of five Ms. Lovecrafts.

On a side note, doesn't this particular scene in 'Late Bloomer' seem reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's ending to 'Psycho'? If that was intentional, it's a stroke of sheer brilliance.

Friday, Friday

2011-05-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

If we weren't dragging our feet metaphorically, we would surely be worn down to the kneecaps by now. Our Darkley Niche watchers are few, but regardless we appreciate the fact that we even have watchers, so our apologies for the lack of posts. We'll try to keep up on a more regular basis, perhaps on the weekends. And taking a page out of Rhonny Reaper's book, perhaps it's time we share the load a little by bringing our friend and Darkley comic co-conspirator, Don, into the Niche. After all, he's just as much a part of this concept as myself, so it only seems right and likely overdue. But we'll come back to that at a later time, after I've had an opportunity to show Don how to operate around Blogger.

Among the problems with neglecting posts, one such includes missing holidays and horror-related dates. Case in point: Friday the 13th. Well, while it isn't the thirteenth any more, it is the following Friday. So with that, here's an amusing, albeit brief, little video we were hoping that someone would have made and luckily did. Thank you, YouTube.

Also, say what you will about 'Freddy vs. Jason', Don and myself found that film to be an amusing love letter to both the franchises and certainly better than some of the sequels that preceded it. 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge'. Need we say more?

ZotB: from myth busting to busting zombies

2011-04-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone! Hope all our readers had a good Easter this past weekend.

Recently we came across Jeff Gilbert's Drinkin' & Drive-In, another horror blog that's definitely worth following along. But more to the point, among Jeff's latest posts included an article on an upcoming short film titled 'Night of the Little Dead', an obvious word play on George Romero's claim to fame. Basically, it's about midget zombies. *winces* Can't help cringing a little at that premise. However, while viewing the trailer we spied 'MythBusters' own Adam Savage caught in the ensuing chaos. Who would've guessed? So, if you're as entertained with watching Adam Savage on 'MythBusters' like we are, maybe he will also bring something good to the table, here.

the trailer

behind the scenes trailer

On a side note, one of the "little dead" is performed by Michigan native, Martin Klebba. With Darkley creators Don and myself also being born and raised in Michigan, we get a thrill whenever our home state can make an appearance, even if it's by association with an actor. Heck, Alaska has had more prominent features in horror! No disrespect intended, Alaskan readers.

Martin Klebb getting into costume

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

Greetings again from the Darkley Niche as we commemorate another holiday: St. Patrick's Day! Instead of going the obvious route with the infamous 'Leprechaun' franchise, we're posting a handful of videos here that variously blend horror and St. Patrick's Day themes. Maybe it will put you in the mood to watch more. Have some laughs, scares, and a few green-dyed drinks with friends, tonight! As our storyteller Vicki would tell you, be sure to party in moderation. She is undead after all, so know your limitations.

And because the YouTube embedding was disabled for this video:

The Nightmare Before St. Patrick's Day

randomness: Under Bergets Rot

2011-03-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

Found this rather entertaining animated music video by happenstance, yesterday. Finntroll, a Finnish metal band purportedly deriving its name from an old legend, combines characteristics found in death metal, folk metal, and an exclusively Finnish style of music called "humppa." Not that we're an expert on humppa, considering that we only learned of it last night, but its fast pace and folk instrumentals seem to pronounce this particular style, here.

If you're a fan of metal, as well as punk rock groups that incorporate folk music and instrumentals, like the Dropkick Murphys, we're sure that you'll also enjoy this. However, should this style of music not entertain, then the animation itself surely will. One part macabre, another part vaudeville, this is the kind of place that patrons of the weird would likely frequent. We certainly would. If there are any entrepenuers out there looking to begin a bar like this, let us know! The Darkley storytellers would love to gather at a watering hole like this one.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T14:17:00.000-08:00

Be mine?

Wishing all of our viewers a very happy Valentine's Day! Nothing says Valentine's and horror like the 1981, Canadian slasher My Bloody Valentine. So for all you horror lovers out there, be sure to give it a watch. There's nothing like a homicidal maniac on the loose to bring you and your significant other closer... Well, except for those couples in the movie. Read our review of My Bloody Valentine (1981), though we recommend that you do so after watching to avoid spoilers.

Since we've covered the original film last February, perhaps Don and myself will give the 3-D remake a watch this week. I'll reserve any doubting comments until we've seen it, but I will say that it does have Supernatural's Jensen Ackles. As my girlfriend Dara would remark, I've got a man-crush on the guy. What can I say? I took a real shine to him as Dean Winchester. Wish I had an older brother like him.

Oh, Jensen. You heartthrob, you. Can you do no wrong?
For the sake of My Bloody Valentine 3-D, let's hope so.

Black History Month: Bride of Blackenstein

2011-02-07T09:36:00.000-08:00

Having been rather lax as of late with the Darkley Niche, it's time that we remedy that. With February being Black History Month, we're writing this article in regards to that theme. Expect more to come, touching on this.

Kenanan Thompson (right) and Jay Pharoah (left), who sounds an
awful lot like Wyatt Cenac as muppet Michael Steele ("bibbles" and all)

Nicki Minaj as the Bride of Blackenstein, brought to life

Saturday Night Live has a talent for making satirical commentary on various social circumstances, be they modern or past. In the case of their recent short skit, "Bride of Blackenstein," there is a bit of both. Drawing inspiration from the 1973 blaxploitation horror film Blackenstein, a.k.a. Black Frankenstein, this parody takes the next step by adapting Universal's The Bride of Frankenstein as if it were a sequel of the former. Now, not having seen Blackenstein for ourselves, we're only aware of the superficial traits and obvious stereotypes of the film.

So perhaps it is in poor taste that Saturday Night Live chose to use a derogatory genre for a comedy sketch. Then again, by mocking these racial stereotypes it points out the problems that were evident back then and, unfortunately, are still perpetuated in the film industry today in varying degrees. But then, does "Bride of Blackenstein" only succeed in exasperating this situation? It's a looping argument, which we won't allow ourselves to be drawn into.

Regardless of what your stance may be on the short itself, "Bride of Blackenstein" brings to mind the valid controversy surrounding Black, as well as Black women, stereotypes in cinema. It is in our personal opinion that if this was Saturday Night Live's actual intention, then they made good on it.

Additional Black History Month articles:

Mr. and Mrs. Death sketch card

2011-02-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Adapted from the video games of the same name, the Death Jr. graphic novels are amusing with their mix of small town suburbia and the macabre. Plus, it has had contributions by three amazing artists, namely: Mike Mignola (cover art), Ted Naifeh (interior illustrator), and Guy Davis (comic short). Anyway, the best example of this mismatched marriage is Mr. and Mrs. Death, parents of the story's protagonist, Death Jr. It's an odd match, but they're very sweet.

Purchase this original art for $25 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

Scary Christmas and Happy Anniversary!

2010-12-24T08:57:00.000-08:00

Firstly, for us here at the Darkley Niche, this December is a memorable month. It was one year ago around mid-December that we, pardoning the pun, made our own niche on the internet. Perhaps we haven't contributed as much as we would've liked: occasionally missing certain dates or events, wanting that we had written more movie reviews, et cetera. But we've been learning an exceptional amount, especially from the various blogs that we ourselves watch. That will all prove invaluable when the actual Darkley comic starts to roll towards further development and production. Maybe within the next few months, if things fall into place the way that we hope. Keep your fingers crossed.

Moving on, today is Christmas Eve, so with that in mind we want to wish all of our viewers a very scary Christmas. May Cthulhu Claus bring you tidings of madness and woe!

illustration by Scott Brundage

composed by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society
for their album 'A Very Scary Solstice'

And if you're in the spirit for some holiday horror films befitting of this yuletide time, be sure to head on over to the Niche's Seasonal Horror Calendar. We've even added Hanukkah to the calendar recently, due to talk of a black comedy, slasher movie in the works. So soon there should be something for horrifying Hebrew and ghoulish goyim alike.

ZotB: Zombie Temp Worker

2010-12-21T21:09:00.000-08:00

We here at the Darkley Niche have made no secret for our love of PopCap Games' Plants vs. Zombies. (And in case any of you were wondering, we've played through the full-fledged version and still stand by our original, five out of five garden-variety zombies score.) So when we learned of "Zombie Temp Worker," a series of short videos featuring one of PopCap's zombies at the office, well, we just had to watch. Here are a few, for your own viewing delight.

If you liked these, be sure to also see G4's zombie public service announcement video.

Supernatural: Children shouldn't play with Dead Things

2010-11-12T15:15:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, I've begun watching Eric Kripke's paranormal drama television series, Supernatural. Needless to say, I'm loving this show. Perhaps if Darkly collaborator and good friend of mine, Don, is willing, he'll also give it a watch and share his input. -- I won't lie, part of the appeal to give Supernatural a try was Gilmore Girls' Jared Padalecki (Sam Winchester). I liked Gilmore Girls, so sue me. In Jared's defense, he has made cameo appearances in his fair share of horror films. Though after getting my feet wet in the series, I'd have to say that I happen to like Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester) more. Sure he's your atypical tough guy, but he's just so damn funny at times. The witty banter and smart alec remarks are what makes Dean a likable character.

Getting to the heart of the matter, I've wanted to write a review on at least one of the episodes that I've seen thus far. After finishing the first season yesterday, and subsequently starting the second season as well, this fourth episode compelled me to write, today. Giving a nod to two personal favorites of mine within the horror genre, namely zombies (The episode title itself was a big tip-off. -- Refer to the film of the same name.) and author Stephen King, "Children shouldn't play with Dead Things" gives us something old and something new. (WARNING: spoilers ahead)

Hmmm. Must've been one hell of a small UFO.

With their father's death still green in memory, the Winchester brothers pay a long-overdue visit to their mother's grave. Already we're beginning to see parallels to zombie cinema, namely Night of the Living Dead. (Recall siblings Barbara and Johnny, who likewise visit a parent's grave.) While Sam buries their father's dog tags in a shallow hole beside the stone marker, Dean takes notice of a dead tree nearby in the cemetery. His curiosity is only further piqued when he notices that the tree touches a perfect circle of dead grass, encompassing the site of another grave. Dean suspects that it might be unholy ground and so the next paranormal hunt begins.

After some initial inquiry and talking to the survivors of the deceased, Angela Mason, the brothers learn that the young woman had recently died in a car crash. Everyone has a good word for Angela and protest that nothing but happiness and promise were present in her hastily-shortened life. This puts Dean's gut suspicion of Angela returning as a vengeful spirit into doubt. That is, until the Winchesters talk to Neil, Angela's male (heterosexual, by the way) BFF. It turns out that Angela's boyfriend had been fooling around behind her back with another girl, then was caught in the act. Said boyfriend, Matt, also apparently slit his throat later during their investigation, before either have the opportunity to question him. Neil claims that it was a guilty conscience that drove Matt to suicide, feeling personally responsible for Angela's death.

As is customary in their line of work, Dean and Sam visit Angela Mason's grave under the cover of darkness to burn her bones. Pouring rock salt on the remains as well, the combined acts are part of a purification ritual that permanently expels vengeful spirits. (Rock salt is even used as ammunition in their firearms, acting akin to silver bullets with werewolves, but only work as a temporary solution in this instance.) However, upon opening the unearthed coffin they find that the corpse is missing. Baffled, the brothers then catch sight of a strange inscription at the head of the casket interior. Dean recognizes the symbols from Dr. Mason's office, Angela's father and a college professor of Ancient Greek.

an Ancient Greek text in Dr. Mason's office

handwritten copy of the coffin inscription

Having done some homework at the library (because libraries are great receptacles of occult knowledge...), Dean and Sam learn that the inscription is part of an Ancient Greek divination ritual, namely a form of necromancy used for bringing a corpse back to life, "full-on zombie action," as Dean so eloquently puts it. Revisiting Dr. Mason at his house, Dean angrily accuses the professor of using this to resurrect his dead daughter. "I get it. There are people that I would give anything to see again, but what gives you the right? What's dead should stay dead!" This echoes Jud Crandall's sentiment from Stephen King's story, which is driven home when Dean adds, "I mean, come on! Haven't you seen Pet Sematary?"

"Sometimes dead is better." -Jud Crandall, Pet Sematary

As it turns out, however, Professor Mason isn't responsible. While any grieving parent would certainly have motive, the living, healthy green houseplants inside indicate otherwise. Like in the cemetery, her mere presence causes vegetation within the vicinity to wither and decay. It's an interesting contribution to zombie lore that hasn't been used in any film that I'm familiar with. As Dean describes it, the zombie "rots the ground around them."

It doesn't take long for Dean to finger the real culprit. Neil, who also happened to be Dr. Mason's teacher aide, had access to the same Ancient Greek, divination texts. As for motive, well, it comes as no surprise that a single, male friend might have alternative reasons to be a shoulder to cry on, other than just out of simple friendship. (That, and reading out of Angela's diary provided insight into Neil's "unrequited duckie love.") A little cliche? Sure, but it does happen. Although resurrecting a dead girl and keeping her locked in the basement makes Neil unique enough from the much-tried, typical archetype. I imagine that most can't make the same claim.

Can you say "necrophilia?"

The real problem lies in how to dispose of zombie Angela. Seems simple enough, right? "We can't just waste her with a headshot?" asks Dean, to which Sam replies, "Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks. [...] I'm telling you that there's too much [lore]. I mean, there's a hundred legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them." Everything from setting the zombie on fire to cutting out the heart and feeding it to wild dogs, Sam and Dean haven't the slightest clue on what to do. A few legends, though, suggest using silver to put down the zombie. It's a start at least, although personally I wouldn't rule out Dean's headshot idea just yet. Just saying, it couldn't hurt. (Well, them at least. Not so much Angela.)

"Hello? Neil? It's your grief counselors. We've come to hug." -Dean

Breaking and entering into Neil's house, the Winchester brothers find the residence empty, but also discover Angela's "zombie pen," which is likewise vacant. Deducing that the boyfriend's suicide was in fact a murder, Dean suspects that the adulteress in Matt's philandering is next in Angela's intended victims. Furthermore Lindsay, Angela's roommate, was unusually broken up over Matt's death, making her the likely target. Ouch, that has to hurt. No small wonder Angela was so frantic earlier, having walked in on her boyfriend whilst nailing her roomie. But before zombie Angela can learn how many painful ways there are to use a pair of scissors on Lindsay, Sam and Dean come to the rescue. Firing several silver bullets into her, the projectiles have some effect on the zombie, albeit very mild, and Angela escapes.

It's like Karen Cooper (Night of the Living Dead), if she was a catfighting, college girl.

It's alright, Miss, you're safe now. You will live to skank another day.

During the drive from Lindsay's house, Sam reads aloud that another solution might be "nailing the dead back into their gravebed," which he suggests is why staking vampires became a common notion. I can already imagine hardcore zombie fans and vampire fans having conniptions over this, but let's roll with it and move along. (Fun fact: Staking a vampire has no effect in Supernatural. The only sure-fire way of vampire disposal is decapitation.)

Arriving at Dr. Mason's office that same night, the Winchester brothers find Neil apparently sorting papers or performing some other arbitrary, teacher aide work. Despite their combined confrontation, which tends to mimic "Good Cop, Bad Cop," Neil plays dumb to the accusations. Part of this is from loving protection for Angela, we assume. But given that she was also hiding within earshot, odds are that the denials were made more from the fear of what she might do to him, otherwise. We never do see whether or not if he ultimately remained loyal, since his neck is violently broken out of pure suspicion. Chances are he probably would have left her, but it's not verified for us.

Before leaving Neil to his grisly fate, Dean fabricates a story of how they will perform a bogus ritual at her grave to eradicate zombie Angela. She takes the bait and eventually follows them back into the cemetery. While setting up the bogus ritual, Sam investigates a noise, which, surprise, turns out to be Angela. She makes crocodile tears to Sam, who keeps his firearm fixed on her. The plea doesn't convince him and conceding to Dean's earlier suggestion shoots her squarely in the forehead. Unfortunately, all that manages to accomplish is angering Angela. A chase ensues and Sam runs toward her grave, where Dean lies in wait and ambushes the zombie. Nailing her into the coffin with a silver stake, this method actually proves to have merit, and Dean finishes the job.

Would've wagered money on this one actually working. Guess not.

Dean nailing Angela. -- Wait, bad choice of words.

So was this my favorite interpretation of the zombie mythos? No. Did I find it to be an interesting interpretation? Yes. Like good storytellers, the original molds were still recognized, even outright citing Stephen King and George Romero within the episode, while the subject matter itself went in a direction that differentiated enough from its predecessors. This is the very reason why I was so impressed by Stephen King's novel, Cell, just to use an example. So I have to give Supernatural props for taking its own stance on the iconic zombie. I give it three-and-a-half out of five Deans. Why Dean? The real question ought to be, why not?

The Fly sketch card

2010-10-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

A personal favorite monster movie of mine, here's The Fly. And yes, that is indeed Vincent Price. Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

Golem sketch card

2010-10-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

Precursor to the Frankenstein story, here's the mythical Golem from the German silent film adaptation, Der Golem. Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

Dracula sketch card

2010-10-21T22:01:00.001-07:00

Another classic vampire, here's Bela Lugosi from Dracula. Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

ZotB: Monster High's Ghoulia

2010-10-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

Based on Mattel's line of dolls geared towards girls in their tweens, 'Monster High' the animation includes a brainiac zombie girl named Ghoulia. Not that we're big on toys of a more Bratz nature, mind you, but it does present a unique opportunity to turn that demographic towards the horror genre. If Darkley comic partner Don or myself had daughters, I would be keen of letting them play with these dolls. If the dog buries her in the backyard, that just makes her all the more zombie authentic. Unfortunately though, there has been no production of a Ghoulia doll as of yet.

Mummy sketch card

2010-10-18T20:46:00.001-07:00

Imhotep from The Mummy, still wearing the bandages but sporting a fez. Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

Frankenstein sketch card

2010-10-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

To compliment the Bride, here's the first Frankenstein's monster. Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

Wolf Man sketch card

2010-10-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

When rendering The Wolf Man, how can you not have him howling at the full moon, I ask you? Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

randomness: Disney's The Shining

2010-10-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

A cute little parody by Disney of Stanley Kubrick's 'The Shining', which made us smile. Funny how Disney could take a Stephen King story of ghosts and murder and make it kid friendly.

If you liked that, you might also want to watch Disney's spoofs of 'The Ring' and 'The Sixth Sense'.

Black Lagoon sketch card

2010-10-16T12:20:00.001-07:00

Even though I haven't seen Creature from the Black Lagoon, I felt that the monster was pretty cool, even as a young kid. So here's the Gill-man almost on top of Kay Lawrence (Julie Adams) in this sketch card. Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

Nosferatu sketch card

2010-10-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

Another horror-themed sketch card, this time of Count Orlok of Nosferatu. Purchase this original art for $20 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

Pink October

2010-10-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

As it happens, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Like National Wear Red Day (the first Friday of February), this health-themed observance is associated with a color, which in this case is pink. So, instead of taking the much easier route by recommending horror films with an emphasis or excess on cleavage, we'll try to list films that make notable use of pink (and an association with women, if able). Admittedly, this is going to be a little trickier, so any suggestions are especially welcomed. Here is what we have:

'The Blob' (1988)

Memory serves that while the Blob from the original 1958 film was more of a deep red-violet, the amorphous mass in this remake had a fairly consistent pinkish hue. Breasts also happen to be somewhat amorphous, but that might be spreading it a little thin, there.

'The Return of the Living Dead' (1985)

Perhaps the most, if not one of the most, memorable characters was Trash (Linnea Quiggley), the pink-haired punk that turns zombie. And while we intended to veer away from this, there is some breast exposure included on her part. Let's face facts, the horror films that bare breasts in a non-sexual context are few.

Additional Breast Cancer Awareness Month suggestions:
- 'Courage the Cowardly Dog' cartoon series (1999-2002; Muriel Bagge is repeatedly rescued by her little pink dog, Courage)

Bride sketch card

2010-10-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

After recently illustrating a sketch card for charity, it put me in the mood to do another card. So here's Universal's classic Bride of Frankenstein. Depending on how this sells, I may do more. I'm currently setting the price at $20 USD. Because of its size, there's no additional charge for mailing costs and comes in a plastic protector. Contact me if interested.

Niche News: hide the kiddies

2010-10-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed, we've recently decided that it was time to set the Darkley Niche in the "adult content" category. Really, this should have probably happened sooner. Not that we have gratuitous graphic content or pour out the profanity -- if anything, we try to be tasteful and minimal when we do. But the fact of the matter is this site would most likely merit a "PG-13" rating, occasionally an "R," as long as we're using movie lingo.

Standards are, however, relevant and each parent uses their own discretion on what is and what is not appropriate. (As far as we're aware none of our followers are parents, but you never know.) Point is, we want to give viewers a fair warning. If there's material here on the Darkley Niche that perhaps doesn't pass your parental filter, then we politely suggest that you leave or at least hide the kiddies.

That is all.

holiday addition: National Train Day

2010-09-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

While watching an episode of TLC's 'Cake Boss' this weekend, we learned about a rather young holiday, National Train Day, which was begun by Amtrak back in 2008. Held on the Saturday closest to May 10th, National Train Day was intentionally set near the anniversary of the Golden Spike driving in Promontory, Utah, which marked the completion of the first transcontinental railroad in 1869. With that in mind, we're making National Train Day our latest addition to the Darkley Niche's Seasonal Horror Calendar.

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Saturday nearest May 10th - NATIONAL TRAIN DAY

'Night Train' (2009)

When a mysterious man dies aboard a night train cabin in the midst of two other passengers, as well as a soon-to-retire conductor, the three strangers find themselves spiraling ever downward in a conspiracy to cover up the death and keep the contents of an enigmatic box.

Additional Train Day suggestions:
- 'Horror Express' (1972; frozen, missing link and murders aboard train)
- 'Raw Meat' (1972; cannibal descendants of Victorian railway workers in the London Underground)
- 'Terror Train' (1989; Groucho Marx-masked murderer, also aboard train)
- 'Hey Arnold!' season one, episode eight, "Ghost Train" (1996; urban legend of a psychopomp locomotive)
- 'Redeu-ai', 'Redeye' (2005; supernatural horror aboard train)
- 'Otoshimono', 'Ghost Train' (2006; another supernatural horror aboard train)
- 'Mononoke', episodes ten through twelve, "Bakeneko" (2007; yet another supernatural horror aboard train)
- 'The Midnight Meat Train' (2008; train murders inspired by Clive Barker story)

memorial: Kevin McCarthy (1914-2010)

2010-09-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

Dana Winter (left) and Kevin McCarthy (right)
in 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' (1956)

If you're a regular follower of other horror blogs like ourselves, then it's likely that you've heard the recent news of actor Kevin McCarthy's passing last Saturday. To the horror community, as well as science-fiction fans, he will be best remembered for his starring role in the 1956, black-and-white film 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers', which would later on inspire a lineage of remakes, parodies, and comparable adaptations.

Much to our regret, we admit not having seen this original feature of classic cinema. But even then, the influence of 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' is so predominant that it's made its way into other films, such as 'Gremlins' (1984). Kevin McCarthy's close-up and haggard face, yelling, "They're here, already! You're next!" from Billy Peltzer's television set is an iconic image and one, which we're sure was heightened all the more in its black-and-white medium, that is truly haunting.

"They're here, already! You're next!"

This isn't to say that Kevin McCarthy didn't step out of the horror/science-fiction circle, though he was certainly talented enough that he could have remained, had he chosen to do so. Fortunately, McCarthy put his talents to use in other genres, such as drama and comedy. Certainly those of us who went through the Weird Al Yankovic phase remember him as R.J. Fletcher, the conceited arch-rival of George Newman (Yankovic) and his channel crew of upstart underdogs in 'UHF' (1989). But always McCarthy kept one foot in the former, familiar circle and 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' kept especially close by, even into the remaining years of his acting career.

'Looney Toons: Back in Action' (2003)

Apparently director Joe Dante loved 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' and Kevin McCarthy, incorporating them into both 'Gremlins' films, 'Piranha' (1978), 'The Howling' (1981), 'Twilight Zone: The Movie' (1983), 'Innerspace' (1987), and the aforementioned movie, seen above.

Kevin McCarthy, at the admirable age of ninety-six, passed away from pneumonia. His life was long, and we're sure that his legacy in cinematic history will live on even longer.

Additional Kevin McCarthy memorials:

tardy, yet again

2010-08-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

It seems that we've missed two fairly significant dates that came and went, recently: an actual Friday the 13th and the birthday of cosmic horror author H.P. Lovecraft. The former isn't that excusable, since we've listed each month in which the thirteenth falls on a Friday up until July 13th, 2012 in our Seasonal Horror Calendar. However, dropping the ball on the latter wasn't as bad, at least in our opinion, because we hadn't thought to look into it before.

Well, we here at the Darkley Niche are rectifying that last mistake by making H.P. Lovecraft's birthday our latest addition to the Seasonal Horror Calendar. Normally we wouldn't include birthdays in the calendar. In the case of such an influential horror writer, however, we will make an exception.

August 20th - H.P. LOVECRAFT'S BIRTHDAY

'Dagon' (2002)

While inspired only in name by H.P. Lovecraft's earlier short story "Dagon", it is, however, an adaptation of our personal favorite, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth". The film's greatest deviation from the written work is its change in setting, moving it from the New English town of Innsmouth to that of Imboca, Spain. Francisco Rabal's superb performance of the tragic town drunkard is not to be missed.

Additional H.P.L. suggestions:
- 'The Call of Cthulhu' (2005; silent film created by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society)
- 'H.P. Lovecraft's Necronomicon' (1994; anthology of three H.P.L. stories)
- 'Re-Animator' (1985; eighties adaptation of the same-name story)
- 'Masters of Horror' season one, episode two, "Dreams in the Witch-House" (2005; modern adaptation of the same-name story)
- 'Evil Dead' trilogy (1981-1993; incorporates H.P.L.'s Necronomicon)

Monstrous Wildlife: Graboids

2010-08-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

Monstrous Wildlife from Frank Robnik on Vimeo.

Having seen the entire 'Tremors' movie franchise and Sci-Fi Channel television series, this parody educational video brought a bemused grin to my face.

Hot as the Dickens

2010-08-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

For our Darkley followers who still have a case of Christmas in July fever, albeit it's currently August, here's a special seasonal episode of Doctor Who, "The Unquiet Dead," featuring none other than Charles Dickens himself. How appropriate to pay homage to the author of the Yuletide, ghost story classic, 'A Christmas Carol'. You can bet your stockings that this episode is going into the Niche's Seasonal Horror Calendar.

On a side note, we felt that we would include our opinion on these risen corpses by stating that our definition of "zombie" isn't inclusive of these particular undead. Or at least we're hesitant in labeling these walking dead as such, and here's why.

Films the like of this, Sam Raimi's 'Evil Dead' trilogy being another prime example, though sometimes considered zombie cinema use possession as the means of reanimation (or transformation, since many of the possessed in Raimi's trilogy are still alive). Sure, the possessed corpse oftentimes attacks the living, but that doesn't distinguish it automatically as a zombie in our book.

The one particular detail that we look for is whether or not the corpse feeds on the flesh of the living, or at the very least the recently deceased. As far as we're concerned, a reanimated corpse that doesn't eat flesh is simply a reanimated corpse. There may be the occasional exception, but that's our general rule of thumb.

"...then you sent me in a room full of zombies!"

So apologies to Rose, but we must respectfully disagree with you on this one.

ZotB: The Goon trailer

2010-07-25T15:46:00.000-07:00

ZotB: The Walking Dead, animated

2010-07-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

In anticipation of the upcoming 'The Walking Dead' AMC television series, an adaptation of Robert Kirkman's comic of the same name, this animation was made from the original artwork of the first issue. Even if you aren't necessarily a fan of the zombie subgenre, it's fascinating to watch what were once still illustrations given motion. However, if you are a fan, yet are unfamiliar with 'The Walking Dead', it's a unique icebreaker into Kirkman's comic.

original artwork by Tony Moore

Don't have a friend that can lend you past issues of 'The Walking Dead'? Try referring to your library system. Chances are if it's linked with libraries across the state, like Michigan's MeLCat, for example, the trade paperbacks are available to borrow. Or, if you're like me, perhaps find a comfortable chair in a Schuler Books or Barnes & Noble and read theirs.

randomness: Sebastian's Voodoo

2010-07-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Maybe not horror per se (personally, I would include it), but it does have that theme of poetic justice often seen in the likes of vintage, classic horror comics, such as EC's Tales From The Crypt. And EC certainly had their share of voodoo stories.

Stephen King's Cell

2010-07-13T17:32:00.000-07:00

For those who are about to read their very first Stephen King novel, perhaps you're like myself and find that you approach this with an equal degree of anticipation and trepidation. Especially if you've watched many of the films inspired by his writings and have become a fan, even if it has undergone the filters of those who have adapted it for the screen. Will the written works be anything like these, for better or for worse? Maybe the biggest dilemma in this anxiety is choosing exactly which novel to read from the breadth of King's extensive bibliography.

Do you start from the beginning, with Carrie? It seems like the sensible thing to do, to read the earliest writings and work onward from there. However, and I may receive some flack for this, I never took much of a shining to its story. So 'Salem's Lot, then? Later perhaps, but what I realized by then was that I wanted a story that I actually hadn't seen adapted into a movie or television mini-series. And a theme to which I've developed into a definite follower. Combine the zombie apocalypse scenario together with Stephen King and what do you have? In one word: Cell.

Beginning with an outbreak reminiscent of '28 Days Later', had it happened in Boston, Massachusetts, aspiring graphic novel artist Clayton Riddell's dreams go up in smoke like the very city in which burns around him when what is later called "the Pulse" causes anyone communicating on a cell phone to essentially go mad and murderous. During the initial chaos that ensues, Clayton comes across Tom McCourt, a shorter, gentle-hearted man whose sexual orientation was very subtle to what I was originally led to believe (read Stephen Colbert's interview with Stephen King), and teenager Alice Maxwell. Together, the three travel by night to avoid the "phone crazies" and head north towards Maine, where Clayton's son lives.

Likely this is an oversimplification of Cell, but what really drives the book comes down to two devices: the fear that the phone crazies inspire not simply by their murderous nature, but more so by their eerie evolution, and the intriguing perspective King takes on the standard viral effect of zombie infection and transformation from the biological to the technological. Both devices are quite brilliant, really, in my humble opinion. Later into the novel, a little less than halfway through, we are given the writer's convenience through Gaiten Academy professor Charles "the Head" Ardai but particularly through his pupil, Jordan. Here's an excerpt from Jordan's theory regarding the effect of the pulse:

"No one has any real idea what that ninety-eight percent [of the human brain] is for, but there's plenty of potential there. Stroke victims, for instance... they sometimes access previously dormant areas of their brains in order to walk and talk again. It's like their brains wire around the blighted area. The lights go on in a similar area of the brain, but on the other side. [...] If you wipe a computer hard drive, it can't regenerate spontaneously... except maybe in a Greg Bear novel. People are different. [...] Me and the Head -- the Head and I -- think that in addition to stripping people's brains all the way down to that one unerasable line of code, the Pulse also kicked something on. Something that's probably been sitting inside all of us for millions of years, buried in that ninety-eight percent of dormant hard drive."

As to what Jordan is leading up to, I'll leave to you to learn for yourselves. With creative re-imagining of the zombie subgenre, Cell is a remarkably intriguing read. My only grievance is the occasional interjections that the characters, usually Clayton, make from time to time for borderline annoying anecdotes. That aside, I have no other complaints. I give it four-and-a-half out of five Lawrence Welks. (Trust me, it will make sense once you've read Cell.)

randomness: FlashForward Halloween

2010-07-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

Recently I've begun watching ABC's series 'FlashForward', a sci-fi conspiracy thriller. Now normally this would have no relevance to the Niche, given that our interest lies in horror, horror crossovers, and horror-related subgenres. However episode six of 'FlashForward', "Scary Monsters and Super Creeps" (the title derived from David Bowie's song of the same name -- kudos for their good taste in music), takes place during Halloween. What caught my attention was babysitter Nicole Kirby (Peyton List), who was dressed in costume as Sally, the living rag-doll girl from Tim Burton's 'The Nightmare Before Christmas', greeting trick-or-treaters. It was a cute homage, even if it was a small one.

Canada Day and Independence Day

2010-07-04T17:02:00.001-07:00

We here at the Niche hope that our Stateside readers are currently having a good Independence Day, and that our neighbors to the north had a nice Canada Day as well. To commemorate the latter, we've recently added this holiday to our extensive calendar of seasonal horror films. Feel free to consult the calendar, however for your convenience we've included our selection for both holidays in this post.

July 1st - CANADA DAY

'The Thaw' (2009)

Doctor David Kruipen and his expedition team come across the preserved remains of a mammoth, recently unearthed by the melting ice, in the Canadian arctic circle. Unwittingly, the scientists bring along with them a deadly parasite that has been alive inside of the carcass all these millennia. *cough* preachyenvironmentalistmessage *cough*

Additional Canada Day recommendations:
- 'Pontypool' (2008; abstract, viral outbreak in Ontario, Canada's town of Pontypool)
- any horror film created by Canada, regardless of the holidays, such as: 'The Mask' (1961), 'The Changeling' (1980), 'The Brood' (1975), 'Black Christmas' (1974), 'My Bloody Valentine' (1981), 'Prom Night' (1980), 'Fido' (2006), and so on
- 'Friday the 13th Part III' (1982) and the rest thereafter, because Jason Voorhees dons his iconic hockey mask -- can't have Canada without the hockey

July 4th - INDEPENDENCE DAY

'Uncle Sam' (1997)

When teenagers unpatriotically burn an American flag over the grave of a Gulf War veteran, the soldier rises from the dead to wreak vengeance on his hometown during the Fourth of July festivities.

Additional Independence Day suggestions:
- 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' (1997; high school kids cover up a hit-and-run accident during the Fourth of July)
- 'The Shining' (1980; Overlook Hotel's 1921, July 4th Ball)
- 'ID4: Independence Day' (1996; more action than horror, but has monstrous alien invaders)
- 'Jaws' (1975; more thriller than horror, shark attacks near Fourth of July festivities)

ZotB: 10 Downing St. and Vivos bunkers

2010-07-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

'The Daily Show' - May 10, 2010 - "Clustershag to 10 Downing: Hung Parliament" excerpt

"So while the [British] election itself was a bit of a disappointment, the coverage was fascinating and top shelf. The BBC took one correspondent and planted him into a virtual world by digitally rendering hundreds of members of parliament all around him before blasting lasers through their heads. Having completed level one, they took the same reporter and transported him to a virtual staircase inside an M.C. Escher drawing where he correctly named several past prime ministers. And then onto the boss level, where he was forced to build a Magneto-style walkway that he used to approach and enter the famed 10 Downing Street, where once he was there he encountered -- ZOMBIES! Nooo! It was a trap! Noo! Nooooo! ... You should have never unlocked the door on level two!"

"ZOMBIES! Nooo! It was a trap! Noo! Nooooo!"

'The Colbert Report' - June 28, 2010 - "Doomsday Bunkers" excerpt

"Folks, when the end of the world comes, make sure you have a spot in a Vivos bunker... if you want to die! [...] Because I have uncovered an even ancienter, Summerianer tablet predicting Armageddon within the Vivos bunkers. That's why the Prescott Group has designed an exclusive, highly secure, under-the-bunker bunker where you and your family can safely retreat in the event of an intrabunker Armageddon. For just 1.2 million dollars, you'll be spared the chaos in the bunker above while enjoying such amenities as corridors, handguns, and a very attentive zombie staff. Act now before it's too late."

"...corridors, handguns, and a very attentive zombie staff."

Not entirely sure from which game (at least I'm assuming that it's a game) 'The Daily Show' borrowed the CGI zombies. However, 'The Colbert Report's footage is most definitely from the Left 4 Dead games. If someone should let me know about the former, I'll be sure to amend this post.

See also:
Better Know A Stephen: Stephen King

AVGN on retro slasher games

2010-06-23T18:27:00.000-07:00

The Angry Video Game Nerd, known earlier on as the Angry Nintendo Nerd, is a web series of retro video game reviews with James Rolfe as said Nerd, an individual so foul-mouthed that he puts the most verbose of sailors to shame. The profanity, as well as exaggerated gestures, again of the offensive sort, is part of the critic's overall character and at the heart of it is meant to be comical. The same goes for his occasional "drinking" during a review, meant to add to his already volatile personality and the show's comedy. His love-hate relationship with playing lousy games on old-school consoles such as Nintendo, Sega, and Atari is what fuels the cycle of each webisode. Granted, the toilet humor can get rather old. So if you have a low or even moderate tolerance for this sort of subject matter, we politely suggest that you skip over this particular post. Remember, you've been warned.

As far as we're aware, AVGN has reviewed specifically four video games that were inspired by iconic slasher horror films, namely: 'Friday the 13th' (NES), 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' (NES), 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (Atari 2600), and 'Halloween' (Atari 2600). This isn't to say that the Video Game Nerd hasn't discussed (or perhaps berated would be the better word) other horror games, as he's covered a handful of 'Ghostbusters' adaptations for different systems, but I digress. Of these four, we really have to tip our hat to AVGN's 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' review, not only because of the inclusion of Freddy Krueger as an active participant in the webisode, but also the clever homage to the Power Glove gag, which alludes to the sixth film in the franchise.

'Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare' (1991)

"Go yank your...[explicit string of profanity]! I've got the Power Glove!"

The rest of the reviews also include guest star cameos from their respective killers, playing out scenarios reminiscent of those seen in the original movies with the Nerd as their intended victim. However, as you may have surmised from his Power Glove quip (above), being passive in any situation, regardless of the circumstances, is not acceptable to the Angry Video Game Nerd. With the exception of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' webisode in regards to the latter, each time he manages a successful escape from their sinister intentions and usually takes the advantage to retaliate, beating the killer at their own game most often with a console accessory as a tactful weapon.

Without further ado, here are the aforementioned Angry Video Game Nerd's reviews in the proper order that the four webisodes were released. Again, we give fair warning to those with a disdain towards prolific profanity and toilet humor.

ZotB: zombie snail

2010-06-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

The original slow zombie.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T12:23:00.000-07:00

Have a happy Father's Day, from all of us here at the Darkley Niche! Feeling inclined to watch some Father's Day horror for the occasion? Well, look no further than our Seasonal Horror Calendar. Be sure to also browse down the calendar to September as well, for those of you who have grandfathers (Grandparents Day) and stepfathers (Stepfamily Day). After all, it's Father's Day for them too, you know. And in the spirit of Father's Day, here's some fatherly advice from a handful of horror film dads.

JACK TORRANCE
'The Shining' (1980)

"Enjoy the time you have while you're still a kid, and don't be in such a hurry to grow up. Make friends, use your imagination -- well, maybe less in your case, Danny -- and play. Especially play. As the old saying goes, 'All work and no play...' "

__________________________________________

NATHAN GRANTHAM
'Creepshow's first story, "Father's Day" (1982)

"Everyone wants to feel appreciated, dear ol' Dad included. Find a way to say 'thank you' to someone special. Perhaps a simple, handmade card or a small gift. As long as the thought is evident, they'll know it's heartfelt. Although I personally prefer cake..."

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PAPA JUPITER
'The Hills Have Eyes' (1977)

"Teach your boys how to hunt, to clean their kill, and cook a meal. We want our sons to eventually become self-reliant and these are good ways to show them how. Remember, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there..."

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"DAD"
'The People Under the Stairs' (1991)

"Respect to 'Mother' shows respect to me. The same holds true with any family, and your father will feel the same. Besides, whenever you go over her head it's usually up to Dad to bring the heavy-duty discipline. And believe you me, you do not want to see him dressed in a borderline bondage, leather suit..."

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ERICH STREATOR
'Twilight Zone's episode "Living Doll" (1963)

"Like all personal belongings, when toys aren't in use it's best to put them in their proper place. A toy chest, closet, underneath the bed, et cetera. Wherever it works best. Especially be sure to keep toys off of the stairs. Someone could accidentally break their neck..."

randomness: Loituma Alice

2010-06-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

Speaking of knife-wielding psychopaths, here's a funny little animation that parodies the viral video "Loituma Girl" featuring American McGee's Alice, instead. Fan of the game, by the way, and that especially holds true of our Darkley comic collaborator and good friend, Don. Macabre renditions of children's stories or characters, when done right, are always a plus in our book and McGee's Alice is exemplary. What makes "Loituma Alice" ironic is that it takes the darkly sinister adaptation of McGee and makes it child-friendly again. Well, sort of, but you get the point. No pun intended.

The playing card suits in the background was a clever change.

See also: Children r Skary's "The Mockingbird Song"

Psycho's 50th Anniversary

2010-06-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

"What? A surprise birthday party for me? Aw, you guys shouldn't have!"

Unwittingly in our previous post on the Niche, I made a reference to Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 thriller 'Psycho', since the film in review included an homage of the infamous shower scene. As it just so happened, 'Psycho' turned fifty that very Wednesday. Really, what are the odds of such a coincidence? So in lieu of this movie milestone, we urge you to take time from your hectic schedules to dim the lights, put on 'Psycho', and enjoy this Hitchcock classic.

Here's a little something extra, a behind-the-scenes video with Alfred Hitchcock giving the audience a personal set tour of 'Psycho'. The director's rather dry humor is amusing. But please, unless you've already seen the movie, we recommend that you wait on watching this until after viewing 'Psycho', due to spoilers.

The Horribly Slow Murderer

2010-06-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

True, while this may constitute as a faux trailer, the video itself is approximately ten minutes long and therefore deserves to be treated as a short film. "The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon" is written and directed by Richard Gale, featuring forensic pathologist Jack Cucchiaio (Paul Clemens), who becomes the target of the relentless Murderer's (Brian Rohan) beatings... using a common, household spoon. Yes, you read right. A spoon. (WARNING: spoilers ahead)

In the immortal words of the Tick, "SPOOOOON!"

It begins in the vein of a cat-and-mouse, psychological thriller with Jack Cucchiaio stalked by a hooded figure in black with deathly white skin... and again, with a spoon. But the genre takes a turn towards ghostly horror of the 'Ju-on' variety as Jack learns the supernatural nature of his tormentor. Consulting a grotesque mystic (Fay Kato) overseas in the Far East, Cucchiaio learns that the Murderer is a "Ginosaji", which cannot be stopped and follows its prey unto the ends of the earth. Cue the appropriate montage of Cucchiaio pursued across the continents, attacked on both land and sea. Nowhere is Jack safe from the wrathful Ginosaji's spoon.

Visiting a dermatologist and orthodontist would do wonders.

Adding additional humor to the chase, Richard Gale even includes an homage of Hitchcock's 'Psycho' shower scene. Hilarious! Especially the belly slaps.

"AAAUGH! Why couldn't it be a loofah?"

Finally, pushed to the point of absolute desperation, Jack retaliates with an amassed arsenal of weaponry and explosives for a last stand against the Murderer, 'Rambo' style. Everything fails. Everything. Lying exhausted and bloodied from the merciless barrage of beatings spanning over twelve years, the Murderer closes in for the kill... only to find that after a few hits the spoon has finally reached its breaking point, snapping in two. What now? Is Jack Cucchiaio free of this curse, or does the Ginosaji have more in store for him? We'll let you see for yourselves.

"The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon" is a riot, if nothing else for its ridiculous weapon of choice and the Murderer's tenacity. We give it four out of five spoons.

randomness: Scary Mary

2010-06-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

I've already seen this parody trailer of Walt Disney's 'Mary Poppins', but had nearly forgotten about it until this afternoon. Of all the people to possibly remind me this video, it happened to be my mother; a woman who startles so easily that I have to consciously make my footsteps louder when her back is turned, else she nearly jumps out of her skin when she notices someone is in the same room. But I digress. What's most amusing about "Scary Mary" is that it makes for a rather believable horror film trailer. If it were real, I would watch that movie. The same goes for 'Gobstopper', as well.

It's like 'Supernanny's Joanne Frost meets 'A Nightmare on Elm Street's Freddy Krueger.

BitG: new post label and High Moon vol. 1

2010-06-12T10:59:00.000-07:00

Like the recent addition of "Zombies on the Brain", we've created a another post label for comic-related news and reviews: Blood in the Gutter. ("Gutter" is the term that refers to the spacing between panels.) We've taken the liberty of using this title, which was coined by Scott McCloud in the third chapter of his educational book Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art. A very good read, by the way, along with his other works. So when you read "BitG", like in this current post's title, that's what the abbreviation stands for.

High Moon, volume one cover

Created by writer David Gallaher and artist Steve Ellis, High Moon is an on-going webcomic which debuted back in 2007 through Zuda Comics, a branch off of DC Comics, as part of its initial launch. Volume one contains the first three chapters of the series. Granted, you can read High Moon for free online, however there's something to be said about having a printed edition to hold in your hands. The graphic novel runs for $14.99 USD, but I managed to buy it for about a third of the original cost at a comic convention, so attending these shows can pay off.

Here's the synopsis given on the back of the book:

"An investigation into a series of strange happenings in a small Texas town explodes into a breakneck chase across American plains, chock full of cowboys, werewolves, vampires, bullets... and more bullets. The first winner of Zuda Comics' monthly online competition and Harvey Award nominee for Best New Series, HIGH MOON is a riveting horror adventure set amid the blood and banditry of the Old West."

The beginning of High Moon has a lone stranger by the name of Matthew Macgregor breeze into said "small Texas town" searching for Eddie Conroy of the Sullivan Gang, an outlaw with a bounty on his head. As it happens, the young daughter of Mister Hunter, the town moneybags, has been kidnapped and with the sheriff gone a "gentlemen's agreement" is made: find the girl, and they'll find his man. Well, needless to say things go up sh*t creek, especially when Macgregor and simpleton Deputy Jeb come across the mutilated remains of cattle and local miners. Macgregor and Conroy, who are both werewolves (Gallaher and Ellis aren't coy about keeping this a secret), become entangled in a town conspiracy with vampires at the heart of it all and the kidnapping, as it turns out, was an attempt to save the girl's life.

After the bloodshed is over the vampires are ultimately beaten, but (WARNING: spoiler alert) Macgregor has his throat slashed open and bleeds to death. This turns the entire story on its ear and Conroy, who we assumed was not an especially significant character, suddenly becomes our protagonist. After tending to Matthew's body, he scavenges the dead man's belongings and from then on goes by the name Macgregor. While I respect High Moon for throwing us a curve ball, I can't help but feeling a little cheated. The Scotsman bounty hunter was the big draw to the book, speaking for just myself. Although I'm not sure what to make of the red-haired wolf seen at the end of chapter three, one that resembles werewolf Macgregor with its similarly colored fur and jags of bone spurs. Perhaps he makes a return, but this was my main beef with the story thus far.

Tristan Macgregor, sketch

For those of you with a fondness for steampunk, chapter two is an especial treat with the introduction of another character, sporting a top hat and goggles, eloquent speech with an English propriety about it... Oh, and a fully mechanical right arm as well. Hard to not notice that. Adding further to the mystique, his name is Tristan Macgregor, brother of the late Matthew Macgregor from the previous chapter. Aside for working as Nikola Tesla's (an historical figure used in popular culture, often encroaching his inventions into science fiction territory -- ex. 'The Prestige') special envoy, he's searching for the man who killed his brother. And it just so happens there's a man using his dead brother's name... Awkward.

Young Raven

Well, after resolving a local family dispute between two brothers over a woman, subsequently cursing their own town, literally, the mix-up is settled and the two become entangled in another plot by the appearance of a young, blue-tinged Native American woman going by the name of Young Raven. Young Raven has premonitions of Sioux Indians slaughtered en masse by nightmarish horsemen, who turn out to be cavalrymen. The soldiers are headed by Commander Prescott, whose agenda of genocide involves an interest in the elusive Ghost Dance of the natives. Matters become further complicated when Tristan's wife, Dierdre, has gotten into bed literally and figuratively with the enemy.

More follows as the third and final chapter of volume one wraps up, including an intense dream sequence with Conroy and a colossal, raven-man entity. But in any case the series was continued, so volume one is left inconclusive. While the story itself is a little confusing at times, the premise of High Moon and Ellis' spectacular artwork warrant much praise for the first book. I give it four-and-a-half out of five Macgregors.
See also: The High Moon Rises

ZotB: Dead Nation trailer for PS3

2010-06-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

Got to admit, diner girl zombie was a cute touch.

ZotB: beer as the cause and cure

2010-06-04T17:14:00.000-07:00

Both are amusing videos about zombies and beer, but each uses this combination in completely opposite ways. Watch and have a good laugh on us.

On a side note, for those of you who are perhaps fans of drinking and zombies, you can purchase California-based Chateau Diana's "Zombie Zinfandel" wine. The back label reads: "2004 Zombie Zinfandel is blood-red in colour, horridly rich in concentrated fruit flavours with a finish that never dies." Personally, neither Don nor myself are much for drinking; especially when it comes to wine. Although I must confess that it does tempt me a little. If they come out with a zombie-themed vodka, I'll definitely drink zombie White Russians.

ZotB: Smurfs, zombies, and PC

2010-06-02T12:27:00.000-07:00

He's coming to eat your braaaiiinnnsss... or at least Brainy Smurf.

Growing up, I wasn't among those children who watched 'The Smurfs' cartoon or read the original, Belgian comic 'Les Schtroumpfs' that it was based on. Still, I found this little analysis from the webcomic 'Menage a 3' (WARNING: contains adult content) rather interesting. Who would have guessed that the premise to Romero's 'Night of the Living Dead' (1968) and 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' (literally "The Black Smurfs") would be so similar? It sounds silly, but the parallels are rather uncanny. Read for yourself.

As one might imagine, this negative portrayal of a "black" Smurf caused some controversy, which was reason for Hanna-Barbera ("They're coming to get you, Barbera!" Sorry, bad joke.) Productions to opt for the color purple in the animated series, instead. Even the original comic, 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs', wasn't translated into English for this very reason. Honestly, though, it seems like a rather weak argument. Political correctness sometimes is pushed to the point of pure ludicrousness, in this writer's personal opinion. Explain to me exactly what derogatory stereotype a hopping, biting Smurf perpetuates of the African community, I ask you? In all seriousness, tell me.

'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' page with the first "infected" Smurf

If the black Smurfs from 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' can be seen as offensive, why hasn't the LGBT community gotten up in arms over the "politically correct" purple Smurfs from season one, episode sixteen? If one goes along the same skewed line of thinking that reasons why the black Smurfs were offensive, you could find a whole slew of imaginary insinuations. Examples: the gay association with the color purple (Remember the Tinky Winky controversy?), the spread of infection like an STD, hopping instead of the derogatory stereotype of skipping, and so on. Don't get angry, I'm simply playing devil's advocate to prove my point. It goes to show you that such hypersensitive interpretations are really unfounded and outright ridiculous.

horde of infected Smurfs descending on the Smurf village

an especially zombie-like Smurfette with arms raised forward

Before I asked who would have guessed 'The Smurfs' and 'Night of the Living Dead' could be so alike. But it would appear that the bigger question is, who would have guessed 'The Smurfs' could be deemed controversial? Goes to show you how backwards the world works, I guess.

Watch "The Purple Smurfs" episode, here.

ZotB: G4 zombie public service announcement

2010-06-02T11:53:00.000-07:00

"Smoothie! ... Smooooothieeeee...!"

ZotB: zombie jerky

2010-06-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

I've seen this circulating on a couple of horror blogs, so it seemed like a delectable little tidbit to share on the Niche. If you're familiar with Japanese merchandising, you're likely aware of its pop style trend and colorful flair. "Zombie Meat", blue jerky averaging at ¥399 (yen) or $4.50 USD per pack, is no exception. Considering how zombies are constantly making meals out of us, it's about time we turned the tables on them.

Maybe you're asking, "But why blue jerky?" A valid question, given that this hue isn't the first color to come to mind for zombie flesh. Personally, I tend to assume that it's going to be green, however in 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978) Romero's zombies are a shade of blue-gray. Though I can't defend the afro, unless it's another kickback to the seventies.

ZotB: SNL's People Getting Punched

2010-05-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen this already, just wait for it. It'll make sense near the end. Well, some sense at any rate.

birthdays and memorials

2010-05-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

This past week marks a number of birthdays for both living and deceased actors, as well as a recent death, who have played a role in horror cinema. So for this post we're going to briefly touch on each, highlighting certain parts that they have played, respectfully. Normally we wouldn't mark the birthdays of deceased actors, mind you, but because of the close dates it seemed too conspicuous to ignore.

PETER CUSHING
(May 26, 1913 - August 11, 1994)

Cushing seen here as Van Helsing in 'Dracula' (1958)

For Don and myself, Peter Cushing will be best remembered in the role of Grand Moff Tarkin from 'Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope'. After all, we were sci-fi geeks first, branching out into horror fandom later on. Especially Don in regards to the former, who had, and still does have, a love for 'Star Wars'. Lucas aside, Cushing had a history with Hammer Film Productions, cast as Baron Victor Frankenstein in 'The Curse of Frankenstein' (1957) and Doctor Van Helsing in 'Dracula' (1958). Cushing continued these parts on into the sequels that followed. Regrettably, neither Don nor myself have seen any of the movies released by Hammer Film Productions as of yet, but will eventually rectify this.

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CHRISTOPHER LEE
(May 27, 1922 - present)

Lee seen here as Lord Summerisle in 'The Wicker Man' (1973)

Like Cushing, Christopher Lee has a long-standing history with Hammer Film Productions, cast in similarly iconic roles as the Monster in 'The Curse of Frankenstein' (1957) and Count Dracula in 'Dracula' (1958). Furthermore, Lee continued these parts on into the sequels that followed, making Cushing and himself regular colleagues and sensibly led to their friendship. Again, while Don and myself haven't watched the Hammer Film Productions' movies, we have seen him in a number of other roles, be they purely horror or horror comedy, such as 'The Wicker Man' (1973) and 'Gremlins 2: The New Batch' (1990). And of course during the past decade we've become familiar with Lee's contributions to 'The Lord of the Rings' and the newer 'Star Wars' trilogies.

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VINCENT PRICE
(May 27, 1911 - October 25, 1993)

Price seen here as the inventor in 'Edward Scissorhands' (1990)

Sharing the same birthday as Christopher Lee, May 27th also marks the late and great Vincent Price's birthday. Where do we even begin? Price has done it all, from hosting PBS' 'Mystery!' television series to starring in many, many horror films to lending his talents as a voice actor (ex: Tim Burton's tribute, 'Vincent') to even appearing on family programs such as 'The Muppet Show'. Talk about a healthy work ethic. For myself, and likely for Don as well, it's bittersweet each time that we watch 'Edward Scissorhands' (1990), knowing that his part as the kindly old inventor would be one of his last, reverberated by the inventor's own saddening death. I'll confess, I've choked up during that particular scene.

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DENNIS HOPPER

(May 17, 1936 - May 29, 2010)

Hopper, seen right, as Kaufman in 'Land of the Dead' (2005)

Yesterday, due to complications with prostate cancer, Dennis Hopper passed away at age seventy-four. We remember Hopper best for his contributions to horror cinema, though the late actor has worked in various other genres over the years. Lieutenant "Lefty" Enright in 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2' (1986) and Paul Kaufman in George A. Romero's 'Land of the Dead' (2005) are two horror roles that specifically come to mind. Horror aside, we also remember Hopper in Quentin Tarantino's 'True Romance'.

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LINNEA QUIGLEY
(May 27, 1958 - present)

Quigley seen here as Trash in 'The Return of the Living Dead' (1985)

Last on our list of birthdays, but certainly not least, we have Ms. Quigley to mix things up a little. Definitely standing out from these older gentlemen, perhaps fate does have an odd sense of humor.* A scream queen, B-movie actress, Linnea is most memorable in her role as Trash, the pink-haired, punk rock chick in Dan O' Bannon's 'The Return of the Living Dead' (1985). ...And if you're interested, we just so happen to have a postcard-sized print of zombie Trash available for purchase. *cough* shameless self-promotion *cough*

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Coincidentally, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, and Vincent Price starred together in the 1983 horror-parody, 'House of the Long Shadows'. Three out of five; not bad.

See also: The Vault of Horror's "The Vincent Price/Christopher Lee Birthday Throwdown!"

*excerpt from 'The Return of the Living Dead'
Trash: Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?
Spider: I try not to think about dying too much.
Trash: Mmm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting me and eating me alive...
Spider: I see.
Trash: First, they would tear off my clothes...
Chuck: Hey, somebody get some light over here; Trash is taking off her clothes again!

Gobstopper

2010-05-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

♪ Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew? Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two? The Candy Man. Oh, the Candy Man can. ♫

Nope, we're not talking about Daniel Robitaille, i.e. Tony Todd as Candyman. Nor are we talking about Willy Wonka... Well, not Mom and Dad's 1971 musical with Gene Wilder, anyway. (Although that creepy boat ride deserves credit, we'll give it that.) More like a dark parody that perverts what made the former charming. Example? Imagine if the directors of 'SAW' or 'Hostel' got their hands on the old screenplay and went, "Yeah, we could have a landscape of gumdrop trees and chocolate rivers... But how about a dank and decrepit factory warehouse, instead?"

And of course the teens turn out to be the secret ingredient to Wonka's chocolate. Hang on, didn't 'Epic Movie' do this already? (For the record, don't watch it. Just... just don't. Seriously Crispin Glover, you can do better.)

Crispin Glover as "Willy" in 'Epic Movie' (2007)

Sounds rather lame, doesn't it? However, writer and director Eric Appel does what is essential for a premise of such ludicrousness to actually work: make it a black comedy. Right from the get-go of the 'Gobstopper' trailer it's made obvious. Case in point, take it away atypical, comedy relief guy.

Girl #2: "Guys, look at these weird, old candy bars."

C.R. Guy (right): "My boner's got weird, old candy bars."

Oh, you card, you. You can tell from the other guy's incredulous expression that he must be thinking, "Really? -- Really?" or something similar. But I digress.

The real stroke of genius was casting Christopher Lloyd as Willy Wonka. He can do comical and creepy all at the same time. (ex: 'Dennis the Menace') Not too many actors can pull that off effectively. Sorry Johnny Depp, but you were creepy in a more Michael Jackson sort of way. Even then, the "creep factor" was unintentional on your part or Mr. Burton's, I'm sure. (We're Burton and Depp fans, so don't be hating. Same with M.J., at least musically speaking.)

Johnny Depp (left) as Willy Wonka and Michael Jackson (right) as, well, himself

From what I understand this is a faux trailer, although it could make for an amusing movie. There are plenty of flop films out there that would be halfway decent if they were done as a black comedy. Pity that 'Gobstopper' doesn't go all the way to the silver screen, or even direct-to-video. Still, it stands well enough on its own as a trailer. 'Gobstopper' gets four out of five "weird, old candy bars."

Gobstopper Trailer from Gobstopper Movie

ZotB: Mutation Vault's L4D2 vids

2010-05-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

ZotB: new post label and Zombie Majority

2010-05-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

After some thought, due to the consistency of zombie-related "randomness" posts on the Niche, we've decided that it would be better to give them their own label: Zombies on the Brain. So when you read "ZotB", like in this current post's title, that's what the abbreviation stands for. Keep in mind that the content is essentially the same, simply set apart because of their subject matter. Posts that are more in-depth and lengthy, though they may be addressing something zombie-related, won't fall into the "Zombies on the Brain" category.

Occasionally these are personal finds, but more often than not these posts are derived from other horror blogs that we follow, such as The Zed Word and The Zombie Nation. It's only fair that credit is given where credit is due. If we don't happen to mention where we found said post material by name, chances are two-out-of-three that we were tipped off by another horror blog.

So to get the ball rolling for this new post label, here's ThoseArentMuskets' zombie survivor parody, "Zombie Majority".

randomness: Guy's Guide to Zombies

2010-05-20T22:59:00.000-07:00

memorial: Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

2010-05-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

Frank Frazetta

Monday it came to my attention that Frank Frazetta, an artist whose work has made him a veritable titan in comics, died yesterday at a dignified age of eighty-two. It comes with some sheepish admittance on my part that I am not especially acquainted with his artwork, a double-strike as an illustrator and one interested in comics as well. Regardless, even my substantial ignorance recognizes the importance of such a man to the art community, in addition to the broader fantasy and science fiction community, and the loss with his passing. The Vault of Horror wrote a respectable article in remembrance of Frazetta, which I would encourage you to read, here. So instead of writing a few words about the artist, it seemed more fitting to post a handful of horror-related, cover artwork from 'Creepy' that I have seen and can admire.

On a side note, I've learned of a documentary entitled 'Frank Frazetta: Painting with Fire', so if you find yourself in a similar situation as myself perhaps you will give it a watch.

Childrin r Skary: The Mockingbird Song

2010-05-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

Don, our good companion and confidant in the Darkley comic endeavor, referred to me a video on Newgrounds.com created by one Katy Towell, entitled "The Mockingbird Song". It has all the nuances essential to a gothic fairytale and the animation is rendered in that sort of simplicity that is appropriate to convey such a story properly, like a children's book. We recommend that you learn more about Ms. Towell and her macabre machinations by visiting her website, Childrin r Skary. Without further ado, here's "The Mockingbird Song".