Darkley year, part II: movies (continued)

Darkley year, part I: movies

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MOVIES

 

'Fright Night' (1985)

This was a fun little tongue-in-cheek kind of film. Granted, there is plenty of cheese that comes with being a comedy made in the eighties, but if anything that adds to its charm. Not to mention there's something to be said about old school prosthetic makeup and puppeteering versus modern CGI special effects. Effects aside, however, an often soft-spoken, occasionally wistful, and understandably cowardly Roddy McDowall steals the spotlight as "Fright Night" TV show host and Vampire Killer, Peter Vincent. A bittersweet sort, his is a character that embodies a bygone era and, with the exception of our other protagonists, fondly remembers the past in which he played a part. In many respects, it's very much like the episode "Beware the Gray Ghost" in 'Batman: the Animated Series', wherein an actor of golden age television steps up to become the part he so reputably played.

'Fright Night' (2011)

Shortly after watching the original, we moved on to the more recent remake with Colin Farrell as the vampiric neighbor, Jerry Dandridge. Many liberties are taken with this modernization, such as moving the setting into an oasis suburb in Las Vegas, Nevada. But such revisions were really decisions that just made sense. And frankly, I was delighted that Christopher Mintz-Plasse changed the role of "Evil" Ed Lee into something better than an annoyance with a grating laugh. While Vincent was altered into a Criss Angel knock-off, I still appreciated it being done more as a comical parody. And we're sure that the Whovians out there fangasmed when the makeup was removed, revealing David Tennant. Outside of the internet (ex: Pinterest, deviantART, Tumblr, etc.) our exposure to the long-standing BBC series is minimal, but we can remark that Tennant made a pretty good first impression.

'V/H/S' (2012)

As is often the case, this anthology was a mixed bag. Though some segments were flops, like "The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger," (now there's a mouthful) others had merit and none more so than "Amateur Night." Firstly, it fits very well with the main narrative of 'V/H/S', which is ultimately creeps getting their comeuppance. It's rather difficult to watch men humiliate a woman by forcibly exposing her breasts on camera and not feel a burning desire to see their demise. The same applies here, only in this instance it's drugging dates with the intention of rape. Yeah... Moving on, one of the random women picked up during the barhop is Lily, whose name, without giving away any spoilers, turns out to be rather appropriate and her hushed words, "I like you," will be the most memorable thing from this whole anthology.

'Carrie' (2013)

Admittedly, we've never actually read Stephen King's novel nor seen the first film adaptation. Still, the remake made in 2002 is familiar to us and told a compelling story of a girl ostracized by her peers, the inherent fears of puberty, and a twisted combination of parental and religious domination through her mother. With that said, we were understandably expecting little more than a retelling of the same. And while this holds true, we're given greater insight into the story and its supporting characters, including Carrie's mother. For instance, the birth is witnessed at the very beginning of the movie and little clues, like the lock having already been on the closet door, give an inkling into what molded Margaret White into the disturbed woman she is. And on a side note, Chloe Moretz is an absolute sweetheart in her rendition of Carrie and delivered the sympathetic draw needed for such a character. 'Carrie' comes as a close second in the best horror films of this year.

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There are only a handful of horror films left to touch on, so continue to follow along as we finish this segment in the near future. Then, on to television and literature as we move forward in our summary of the past year from last October to last month.

ZotB: Disney's Zombi

Apologies again for the lack of updates, and for the run-on (Or is it "shamble-on"?) of "Zombies on the Brain" postings. We'll try to come up with more, eventually. In the meantime, enjoy this little Disney parody.

Oh, 'Mad TV'. How you've tainted my childhood.

Late Bloomer

"We all saw it sprawled across the blackboard the second we stepped into Ms. Lovecraft's class... It's wingspan reached from one end of the room to the other, hovering above our heads as if it were about to pounce. It's.. chalk scrawled claws looking ready to grab up an unsuspecting student and fly away..."

Written and directed, respectively, by Clay McLeod Chapman and Craig Macneill
, 'Late Bloomer' was among the short films selected in the 2005 Sundance Film Festival, and with good reason. The success of the short is in its ability to personify the progression of confusion, repulsion, anxiety, then obsession of a seventh-grader boy on the precipice of puberty as through the perspective of H.P. Lovecraft, were he perhaps the student during Sex Ed. However, since the schoolteacher is already named after the author, we'll just refer to this nameless student as Randolph Carter. If you got that reference, you likely will catch the allusions made in those classmates that are named. (WARNING: spoilers ahead and sexual content)

Jimmy Pickman, "Pickman's Model"

Norween Dunwich, "The Dunwich Horror"

Larissa Innsmouth, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth"

'Late Bloomer' opens with the echoing twang of guitar strings, accompanied by the reflecting, nervous narration of an apparently adult version of our adolescent protagonist. You can't help but sympathize at least slightly for the perplexed students, as Jimmy Pickman voices aloud their collective confusion, asking, "What is that ungodly thing?" to which our lead replies, "It looks like an octopus." In response, their instructor authoritatively etches the name above its "dome-shaped head" in bold, chalk letters: VAGINA. As is often the case in classrooms, Ms. Lovecraft tells her pupils to repeat this foreign word.

"I shuddered at the sound it's name made in my mouth, whispering it with the rest of the students. It seemed to seep out from over my tongue, the syllables all soft and moist as if it had just drudged itself up from some sordid portion of my stomach, buried for centuries under the muck of my meals, rising up towards my teeth on a tide of bile."

As Randolph is made aware that all women are born with the namesake of that which they were "invoking" in unison, the more he notices that the girls of his class have begun to slink in their seats. Norween Dunwich in particular feverishly writes every "pagan name her high priestess called out" whilst fervently fanning her knees together. Only he seems to see that this was not some ordinary, textbook curriculum. Oh, no. This was in fact a ritual of an eldritch evil that lurked within the very female form, living amongst him and his fellows all along. As if this dawning dread-fright wasn't enough to test the sanity of a seventh grade boy, Ms. Lovecraft unveils from behind a geographical map another ancient blasphemy: "This is... THE PENIS!"

"Maybe a madhouse would be as good of any a place to save me, now. No doctor could erase this profane image from my brain forever... For I found myself staring at Him Who is Not To Be Named... the Mighty, One-Eyed Messenger! THE GOAT WITH A THOUSAND YOUNG!"

All suddenly goes black as Randolph appears in the school office of Principal Peters, the narrator pleading with the flush man in his robin egg blue suit of a foreboding metamorphosis. But the boy's words seem to fall on deaf ears as the scene transitions back to Ms. Lovecraft's classroom, his own horror now likewise engraved on every youthful face therein. It is only then that he is disjointedly aware of another set of eyes, locking onto those of Larissa Innsmouth.

"The creature hidden within her was attempting to communicate with me! It's sole mode of speech were a series of thought waves, transmitted through its clitoral antenna. Even now these beasts talked within their tombs, sending their telepathy out from beyond the cotton lining of all the girl's underwear... MmhmmMaHaHA!"

Losing his much-weakened grasp on known reality, Randolph at last descends into the dark abyss that is the reproductive system, Ms. Lovecraft's idolatry.


Visions of chaotic ecstasy ensue with instructor and fledgling adepts alike immersed in profane rites. Randolph's insane laughter aggressively gives way to guttural growls and all goes black as earlier. Consciousness slips again, bringing him once more before the desk of Principal Peters, whose bloodshot eyes only stare out from behind the sweating, fleshly mask that is his face. Looking back into that face is the calm countenance of Randolph, self-assured that his peers will eventually come to see the same revelations as he had in themselves. Not solely in conscious realization, but in physical actualization. Memory moves us one last time to Ms. Lovecraft's class to bear witness to the final horror, the reason for his presence in the principal's office.

"My pants were now crumpled up at my ankles, my hands hidden below the desktop... Strips of mother of pearl stretched along the floor, as if some slimy beast had been released from within me! The residue of its escape... shining over the linoleuuuuuummm...!"

To paraphrase The Lonely Island: "And now I'm posed in an awkward stance, 'cause I jizzed in my class!"

Here I thought that vomiting over my desk in elementary school was the worst humiliation to have happen in a classroom. That seems much more tame in comparison to this embarrassing incident in the end, but I digress. 'Late Bloomer' seamlessly blends Lovecraftian themes with those closely associated to the awkward transition into puberty, which is what makes the short so ingenious. Furthermore, the students are so thoroughly compelling in their roles that I found myself surprised with exactly how impressive their performance was. Especially when you consider my general disposition towards child actors, which is often one of dissatisfaction. I give it five out of five Ms. Lovecrafts.

On a side note, doesn't this particular scene in 'Late Bloomer' seem reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's ending to 'Psycho'? If that was intentional, it's a stroke of sheer brilliance.

Friday, Friday

If we weren't dragging our feet metaphorically, we would surely be worn down to the kneecaps by now. Our Darkley Niche watchers are few, but regardless we appreciate the fact that we even have watchers, so our apologies for the lack of posts. We'll try to keep up on a more regular basis, perhaps on the weekends. And taking a page out of Rhonny Reaper's book, perhaps it's time we share the load a little by bringing our friend and Darkley comic co-conspirator, Don, into the Niche. After all, he's just as much a part of this concept as myself, so it only seems right and likely overdue. But we'll come back to that at a later time, after I've had an opportunity to show Don how to operate around Blogger.

Among the problems with neglecting posts, one such includes missing holidays and horror-related dates. Case in point: Friday the 13th. Well, while it isn't the thirteenth any more, it is the following Friday. So with that, here's an amusing, albeit brief, little video we were hoping that someone would have made and luckily did. Thank you, YouTube.

Also, say what you will about 'Freddy vs. Jason', Don and myself found that film to be an amusing love letter to both the franchises and certainly better than some of the sequels that preceded it. 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge'. Need we say more?

ZotB: from myth busting to busting zombies

Hey, everyone! Hope all our readers had a good Easter this past weekend.

Recently we came across Jeff Gilbert's Drinkin' & Drive-In, another horror blog that's definitely worth following along. But more to the point, among Jeff's latest posts included an article on an upcoming short film titled 'Night of the Little Dead', an obvious word play on George Romero's claim to fame. Basically, it's about midget zombies. *winces* Can't help cringing a little at that premise. However, while viewing the trailer we spied 'MythBusters' own Adam Savage caught in the ensuing chaos. Who would've guessed? So, if you're as entertained with watching Adam Savage on 'MythBusters' like we are, maybe he will also bring something good to the table, here.

the trailer

behind the scenes trailer

On a side note, one of the "little dead" is performed by Michigan native, Martin Klebba. With Darkley creators Don and myself also being born and raised in Michigan, we get a thrill whenever our home state can make an appearance, even if it's by association with an actor. Heck, Alaska has had more prominent features in horror! No disrespect intended, Alaskan readers.

Martin Klebb getting into costume

Black History Month: Bride of Blackenstein

Having been rather lax as of late with the Darkley Niche, it's time that we remedy that. With February being Black History Month, we're writing this article in regards to that theme. Expect more to come, touching on this.

Kenanan Thompson (right) and Jay Pharoah (left), who sounds an
awful lot like Wyatt Cenac as muppet Michael Steele ("bibbles" and all)

Nicki Minaj as the Bride of Blackenstein, brought to life

Saturday Night Live has a talent for making satirical commentary on various social circumstances, be they modern or past. In the case of their recent short skit, "Bride of Blackenstein," there is a bit of both. Drawing inspiration from the 1973 blaxploitation horror film Blackenstein, a.k.a. Black Frankenstein, this parody takes the next step by adapting Universal's The Bride of Frankenstein as if it were a sequel of the former. Now, not having seen Blackenstein for ourselves, we're only aware of the superficial traits and obvious stereotypes of the film.

So perhaps it is in poor taste that Saturday Night Live chose to use a derogatory genre for a comedy sketch. Then again, by mocking these racial stereotypes it points out the problems that were evident back then and, unfortunately, are still perpetuated in the film industry today in varying degrees. But then, does "Bride of Blackenstein" only succeed in exasperating this situation? It's a looping argument, which we won't allow ourselves to be drawn into.

Regardless of what your stance may be on the short itself, "Bride of Blackenstein" brings to mind the valid controversy surrounding Black, as well as Black women, stereotypes in cinema. It is in our personal opinion that if this was Saturday Night Live's actual intention, then they made good on it.

Additional Black History Month articles:

• Black History Month, part I (2010)
  
• Black History Month, part II (2010)

ZotB: Zombie Temp Worker

We here at the Darkley Niche have made no secret for our love of PopCap Games' Plants vs. Zombies. (And in case any of you were wondering, we've played through the full-fledged version and still stand by our original, five out of five garden-variety zombies score.) So when we learned of "Zombie Temp Worker," a series of short videos featuring one of PopCap's zombies at the office, well, we just had to watch. Here are a few, for your own viewing delight.

If you liked these, be sure to also see G4's zombie public service announcement video.

randomness: Disney's The Shining

A cute little parody by Disney of Stanley Kubrick's 'The Shining', which made us smile. Funny how Disney could take a Stephen King story of ghosts and murder and make it kid friendly.

If you liked that, you might also want to watch Disney's spoofs of 'The Ring' and 'The Sixth Sense'.

ZotB: The Goon trailer

ZotB: 10 Downing St. and Vivos bunkers

'The Daily Show' - May 10, 2010 - "Clustershag to 10 Downing: Hung Parliament" excerpt

"So while the [British] election itself was a bit of a disappointment, the coverage was fascinating and top shelf. The BBC took one correspondent and planted him into a virtual world by digitally rendering hundreds of members of parliament all around him before blasting lasers through their heads. Having completed level one, they took the same reporter and transported him to a virtual staircase inside an M.C. Escher drawing where he correctly named several past prime ministers. And then onto the boss level, where he was forced to build a Magneto-style walkway that he used to approach and enter the famed 10 Downing Street, where once he was there he encountered -- ZOMBIES! Nooo! It was a trap! Noo! Nooooo! ... You should have never unlocked the door on level two!"

"ZOMBIES! Nooo! It was a trap! Noo! Nooooo!"

'The Colbert Report' - June 28, 2010 - "Doomsday Bunkers" excerpt

"Folks, when the end of the world comes, make sure you have a spot in a Vivos bunker... if you want to die! [...] Because I have uncovered an even ancienter, Summerianer tablet predicting Armageddon within the Vivos bunkers. That's why the Prescott Group has designed an exclusive, highly secure, under-the-bunker bunker where you and your family can safely retreat in the event of an intrabunker Armageddon. For just 1.2 million dollars, you'll be spared the chaos in the bunker above while enjoying such amenities as corridors, handguns, and a very attentive zombie staff. Act now before it's too late."

"...corridors, handguns, and a very attentive zombie staff."

Not entirely sure from which game (at least I'm assuming that it's a game) 'The Daily Show' borrowed the CGI zombies. However, 'The Colbert Report's footage is most definitely from the Left 4 Dead games. If someone should let me know about the former, I'll be sure to amend this post.

See also:
Better Know A Stephen: Stephen King

AVGN on retro slasher games

The Angry Video Game Nerd, known earlier on as the Angry Nintendo Nerd, is a web series of retro video game reviews with James Rolfe as said Nerd, an individual so foul-mouthed that he puts the most verbose of sailors to shame. The profanity, as well as exaggerated gestures, again of the offensive sort, is part of the critic's overall character and at the heart of it is meant to be comical. The same goes for his occasional "drinking" during a review, meant to add to his already volatile personality and the show's comedy. His love-hate relationship with playing lousy games on old-school consoles such as Nintendo, Sega, and Atari is what fuels the cycle of each webisode. Granted, the toilet humor can get rather old. So if you have a low or even moderate tolerance for this sort of subject matter, we politely suggest that you skip over this particular post. Remember, you've been warned.

As far as we're aware, AVGN has reviewed specifically four video games that were inspired by iconic slasher horror films, namely: 'Friday the 13th' (NES), 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' (NES), 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (Atari 2600), and 'Halloween' (Atari 2600). This isn't to say that the Video Game Nerd hasn't discussed (or perhaps berated would be the better word) other horror games, as he's covered a handful of 'Ghostbusters' adaptations for different systems, but I digress. Of these four, we really have to tip our hat to AVGN's 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' review, not only because of the inclusion of Freddy Krueger as an active participant in the webisode, but also the clever homage to the Power Glove gag, which alludes to the sixth film in the franchise.

'Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare' (1991)

"Go yank your...[explicit string of profanity]! I've got the Power Glove!"

The rest of the reviews also include guest star cameos from their respective killers, playing out scenarios reminiscent of those seen in the original movies with the Nerd as their intended victim. However, as you may have surmised from his Power Glove quip (above), being passive in any situation, regardless of the circumstances, is not acceptable to the Angry Video Game Nerd. With the exception of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' webisode in regards to the latter, each time he manages a successful escape from their sinister intentions and usually takes the advantage to retaliate, beating the killer at their own game most often with a console accessory as a tactful weapon.

Without further ado, here are the aforementioned Angry Video Game Nerd's reviews in the proper order that the four webisodes were released. Again, we give fair warning to those with a disdain towards prolific profanity and toilet humor.

randomness: Loituma Alice

Speaking of knife-wielding psychopaths, here's a funny little animation that parodies the viral video "Loituma Girl" featuring American McGee's Alice, instead. Fan of the game, by the way, and that especially holds true of our Darkley comic collaborator and good friend, Don. Macabre renditions of children's stories or characters, when done right, are always a plus in our book and McGee's Alice is exemplary. What makes "Loituma Alice" ironic is that it takes the darkly sinister adaptation of McGee and makes it child-friendly again. Well, sort of, but you get the point. No pun intended.

The playing card suits in the background was a clever change.

See also: Children r Skary's "The Mockingbird Song"

The Horribly Slow Murderer

True, while this may constitute as a faux trailer, the video itself is approximately ten minutes long and therefore deserves to be treated as a short film. "The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon" is written and directed by Richard Gale, featuring forensic pathologist Jack Cucchiaio (Paul Clemens), who becomes the target of the relentless Murderer's (Brian Rohan) beatings... using a common, household spoon. Yes, you read right. A spoon. (WARNING: spoilers ahead)

In the immortal words of the Tick, "SPOOOOON!"

It begins in the vein of a cat-and-mouse, psychological thriller with Jack Cucchiaio stalked by a hooded figure in black with deathly white skin... and again, with a spoon. But the genre takes a turn towards ghostly horror of the 'Ju-on' variety as Jack learns the supernatural nature of his tormentor. Consulting a grotesque mystic (Fay Kato) overseas in the Far East, Cucchiaio learns that the Murderer is a "Ginosaji", which cannot be stopped and follows its prey unto the ends of the earth. Cue the appropriate montage of Cucchiaio pursued across the continents, attacked on both land and sea. Nowhere is Jack safe from the wrathful Ginosaji's spoon.

Visiting a dermatologist and orthodontist would do wonders.

Adding additional humor to the chase, Richard Gale even includes an homage of Hitchcock's 'Psycho' shower scene. Hilarious! Especially the belly slaps.

"AAAUGH! Why couldn't it be a loofah?"

Finally, pushed to the point of absolute desperation, Jack retaliates with an amassed arsenal of weaponry and explosives for a last stand against the Murderer, 'Rambo' style. Everything fails. Everything. Lying exhausted and bloodied from the merciless barrage of beatings spanning over twelve years, the Murderer closes in for the kill... only to find that after a few hits the spoon has finally reached its breaking point, snapping in two. What now? Is Jack Cucchiaio free of this curse, or does the Ginosaji have more in store for him? We'll let you see for yourselves.

"The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon" is a riot, if nothing else for its ridiculous weapon of choice and the Murderer's tenacity. We give it four out of five spoons.

randomness: Scary Mary

I've already seen this parody trailer of Walt Disney's 'Mary Poppins', but had nearly forgotten about it until this afternoon. Of all the people to possibly remind me this video, it happened to be my mother; a woman who startles so easily that I have to consciously make my footsteps louder when her back is turned, else she nearly jumps out of her skin when she notices someone is in the same room. But I digress. What's most amusing about "Scary Mary" is that it makes for a rather believable horror film trailer. If it were real, I would watch that movie. The same goes for 'Gobstopper', as well.

It's like 'Supernanny's Joanne Frost meets 'A Nightmare on Elm Street's Freddy Krueger.

ZotB: beer as the cause and cure

Both are amusing videos about zombies and beer, but each uses this combination in completely opposite ways. Watch and have a good laugh on us.

On a side note, for those of you who are perhaps fans of drinking and zombies, you can purchase California-based Chateau Diana's "Zombie Zinfandel" wine. The back label reads: "2004 Zombie Zinfandel is blood-red in colour, horridly rich in concentrated fruit flavours with a finish that never dies." Personally, neither Don nor myself are much for drinking; especially when it comes to wine. Although I must confess that it does tempt me a little. If they come out with a zombie-themed vodka, I'll definitely drink zombie White Russians.

ZotB: Smurfs, zombies, and PC

He's coming to eat your braaaiiinnnsss... or at least Brainy Smurf.

Growing up, I wasn't among those children who watched 'The Smurfs' cartoon or read the original, Belgian comic 'Les Schtroumpfs' that it was based on. Still, I found this little analysis from the webcomic 'Menage a 3' (WARNING: contains adult content) rather interesting. Who would have guessed that the premise to Romero's 'Night of the Living Dead' (1968) and 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' (literally "The Black Smurfs") would be so similar? It sounds silly, but the parallels are rather uncanny. Read for yourself.


As one might imagine, this negative portrayal of a "black" Smurf caused some controversy, which was reason for Hanna-Barbera ("They're coming to get you, Barbera!" Sorry, bad joke.) Productions to opt for the color purple in the animated series, instead. Even the original comic, 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs', wasn't translated into English for this very reason. Honestly, though, it seems like a rather weak argument. Political correctness sometimes is pushed to the point of pure ludicrousness, in this writer's personal opinion. Explain to me exactly what derogatory stereotype a hopping, biting Smurf perpetuates of the African community, I ask you? In all seriousness, tell me.

'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' page with the first "infected" Smurf

If the black Smurfs from 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' can be seen as offensive, why hasn't the LGBT community gotten up in arms over the "politically correct" purple Smurfs from season one, episode sixteen? If one goes along the same skewed line of thinking that reasons why the black Smurfs were offensive, you could find a whole slew of imaginary insinuations. Examples: the gay association with the color purple (Remember the Tinky Winky controversy?), the spread of infection like an STD, hopping instead of the derogatory stereotype of skipping, and so on. Don't get angry, I'm simply playing devil's advocate to prove my point. It goes to show you that such hypersensitive interpretations are really unfounded and outright ridiculous.

horde of infected Smurfs descending on the Smurf village

an especially zombie-like Smurfette with arms raised forward

Before I asked who would have guessed 'The Smurfs' and 'Night of the Living Dead' could be so alike. But it would appear that the bigger question is, who would have guessed 'The Smurfs' could be deemed controversial? Goes to show you how backwards the world works, I guess.

Watch "The Purple Smurfs" episode, here.

ZotB: G4 zombie public service announcement

"Smoothie! ... Smooooothieeeee...!"

ZotB: SNL's People Getting Punched

If you haven't seen this already, just wait for it. It'll make sense near the end. Well, some sense at any rate.

Gobstopper

♪ Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew? Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two? The Candy Man. Oh, the Candy Man can. ♫

Nope, we're not talking about Daniel Robitaille, i.e. Tony Todd as Candyman. Nor are we talking about Willy Wonka... Well, not Mom and Dad's 1971 musical with Gene Wilder, anyway. (Although that creepy boat ride deserves credit, we'll give it that.) More like a dark parody that perverts what made the former charming. Example? Imagine if the directors of 'SAW' or 'Hostel' got their hands on the old screenplay and went, "Yeah, we could have a landscape of gumdrop trees and chocolate rivers... But how about a dank and decrepit factory warehouse, instead?"

And of course the teens turn out to be the secret ingredient to Wonka's chocolate. Hang on, didn't 'Epic Movie' do this already? (For the record, don't watch it. Just... just don't. Seriously Crispin Glover, you can do better.)

Crispin Glover as "Willy" in 'Epic Movie' (2007)

Sounds rather lame, doesn't it? However, writer and director Eric Appel does what is essential for a premise of such ludicrousness to actually work: make it a black comedy. Right from the get-go of the 'Gobstopper' trailer it's made obvious. Case in point, take it away atypical, comedy relief guy.

Girl #2: "Guys, look at these weird, old candy bars."

C.R. Guy (right): "My boner's got weird, old candy bars."

Oh, you card, you. You can tell from the other guy's incredulous expression that he must be thinking, "Really? -- Really?" or something similar. But I digress.

The real stroke of genius was casting Christopher Lloyd as Willy Wonka. He can do comical and creepy all at the same time. (ex: 'Dennis the Menace') Not too many actors can pull that off effectively. Sorry Johnny Depp, but you were creepy in a more Michael Jackson sort of way. Even then, the "creep factor" was unintentional on your part or Mr. Burton's, I'm sure. (We're Burton and Depp fans, so don't be hating. Same with M.J., at least musically speaking.)

Johnny Depp (left) as Willy Wonka and Michael Jackson (right) as, well, himself

From what I understand this is a faux trailer, although it could make for an amusing movie. There are plenty of flop films out there that would be halfway decent if they were done as a black comedy. Pity that 'Gobstopper' doesn't go all the way to the silver screen, or even direct-to-video. Still, it stands well enough on its own as a trailer. 'Gobstopper' gets four out of five "weird, old candy bars."

Gobstopper Trailer from Gobstopper Movie