ZotB: Chainsaw Maid

It's rather apparent that these two claymations were made by different creators, judging both in their varying storytelling styles and the appearance of the animations themselves. The overall tone of the first claymation is more dramatic and done at a slower, building pace, which works well in its favor with the "silent" theme of the film. ("Silent" in that there are no voices given to the characters, only subtitles. However, background music and sound effects are present.) We're drawn in with devices such as the subtle cue in the newspaper articles and the mysterious appearance of a frightened, bloodied woman at their door. Given the previously mentioned remarks, added to the Asian overtones of the short film, it almost has a feel like that present in some of the 'Resident Evil' games with a helping of Romero's 'Night of the Living Dead'. But perhaps we're reaching a little, there.

The sequel claymation, however, is at best a caricature of the former. Scenes like the unbuttoning of the maid's blouse, which originally had an air of secretive taboo, become as outright cartoonish as Tex Avery's "Red Hot Riding Hood." Not to mention that the figures and sets seem a tad on the crude side, particularly when compared to the first. But this rougher aesthetic plays well as an accent to its grittier, gorier theme. The violence becomes a little more creative and the body count much, much higher. Fans of 'The Evil Dead' franchise or 'Braindead' can certainly appreciate this one. As for the Asian overtones, if we can liken the first to the 'Resident Evil' games, this would be the less provocative, Western second-cousin of 'Big Tits Zombie'. Little remains of the original animation's Eastern influence, which is reduced simply to a few, gong-cued subtitles. Needless to say, we had mixed feelings towards the sequel.

'Chainsaw Maid' and 'Chainsaw Maid 2' earn a combined score of three out of five maids.


WARNING: The following animations contain extreme violence, albeit in clay. Viewer discretion is advised.

Late Bloomer

"We all saw it sprawled across the blackboard the second we stepped into Ms. Lovecraft's class... It's wingspan reached from one end of the room to the other, hovering above our heads as if it were about to pounce. It's.. chalk scrawled claws looking ready to grab up an unsuspecting student and fly away..."

Written and directed, respectively, by Clay McLeod Chapman and Craig Macneill
, 'Late Bloomer' was among the short films selected in the 2005 Sundance Film Festival, and with good reason. The success of the short is in its ability to personify the progression of confusion, repulsion, anxiety, then obsession of a seventh-grader boy on the precipice of puberty as through the perspective of H.P. Lovecraft, were he perhaps the student during Sex Ed. However, since the schoolteacher is already named after the author, we'll just refer to this nameless student as Randolph Carter. If you got that reference, you likely will catch the allusions made in those classmates that are named. (WARNING: spoilers ahead and sexual content)

Jimmy Pickman, "Pickman's Model"

Norween Dunwich, "The Dunwich Horror"

Larissa Innsmouth, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth"

'Late Bloomer' opens with the echoing twang of guitar strings, accompanied by the reflecting, nervous narration of an apparently adult version of our adolescent protagonist. You can't help but sympathize at least slightly for the perplexed students, as Jimmy Pickman voices aloud their collective confusion, asking, "What is that ungodly thing?" to which our lead replies, "It looks like an octopus." In response, their instructor authoritatively etches the name above its "dome-shaped head" in bold, chalk letters: VAGINA. As is often the case in classrooms, Ms. Lovecraft tells her pupils to repeat this foreign word.

"I shuddered at the sound it's name made in my mouth, whispering it with the rest of the students. It seemed to seep out from over my tongue, the syllables all soft and moist as if it had just drudged itself up from some sordid portion of my stomach, buried for centuries under the muck of my meals, rising up towards my teeth on a tide of bile."

As Randolph is made aware that all women are born with the namesake of that which they were "invoking" in unison, the more he notices that the girls of his class have begun to slink in their seats. Norween Dunwich in particular feverishly writes every "pagan name her high priestess called out" whilst fervently fanning her knees together. Only he seems to see that this was not some ordinary, textbook curriculum. Oh, no. This was in fact a ritual of an eldritch evil that lurked within the very female form, living amongst him and his fellows all along. As if this dawning dread-fright wasn't enough to test the sanity of a seventh grade boy, Ms. Lovecraft unveils from behind a geographical map another ancient blasphemy: "This is... THE PENIS!"

"Maybe a madhouse would be as good of any a place to save me, now. No doctor could erase this profane image from my brain forever... For I found myself staring at Him Who is Not To Be Named... the Mighty, One-Eyed Messenger! THE GOAT WITH A THOUSAND YOUNG!"

All suddenly goes black as Randolph appears in the school office of Principal Peters, the narrator pleading with the flush man in his robin egg blue suit of a foreboding metamorphosis. But the boy's words seem to fall on deaf ears as the scene transitions back to Ms. Lovecraft's classroom, his own horror now likewise engraved on every youthful face therein. It is only then that he is disjointedly aware of another set of eyes, locking onto those of Larissa Innsmouth.

"The creature hidden within her was attempting to communicate with me! It's sole mode of speech were a series of thought waves, transmitted through its clitoral antenna. Even now these beasts talked within their tombs, sending their telepathy out from beyond the cotton lining of all the girl's underwear... MmhmmMaHaHA!"

Losing his much-weakened grasp on known reality, Randolph at last descends into the dark abyss that is the reproductive system, Ms. Lovecraft's idolatry.


Visions of chaotic ecstasy ensue with instructor and fledgling adepts alike immersed in profane rites. Randolph's insane laughter aggressively gives way to guttural growls and all goes black as earlier. Consciousness slips again, bringing him once more before the desk of Principal Peters, whose bloodshot eyes only stare out from behind the sweating, fleshly mask that is his face. Looking back into that face is the calm countenance of Randolph, self-assured that his peers will eventually come to see the same revelations as he had in themselves. Not solely in conscious realization, but in physical actualization. Memory moves us one last time to Ms. Lovecraft's class to bear witness to the final horror, the reason for his presence in the principal's office.

"My pants were now crumpled up at my ankles, my hands hidden below the desktop... Strips of mother of pearl stretched along the floor, as if some slimy beast had been released from within me! The residue of its escape... shining over the linoleuuuuuummm...!"

To paraphrase The Lonely Island: "And now I'm posed in an awkward stance, 'cause I jizzed in my class!"

Here I thought that vomiting over my desk in elementary school was the worst humiliation to have happen in a classroom. That seems much more tame in comparison to this embarrassing incident in the end, but I digress. 'Late Bloomer' seamlessly blends Lovecraftian themes with those closely associated to the awkward transition into puberty, which is what makes the short so ingenious. Furthermore, the students are so thoroughly compelling in their roles that I found myself surprised with exactly how impressive their performance was. Especially when you consider my general disposition towards child actors, which is often one of dissatisfaction. I give it five out of five Ms. Lovecrafts.

On a side note, doesn't this particular scene in 'Late Bloomer' seem reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's ending to 'Psycho'? If that was intentional, it's a stroke of sheer brilliance.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Greetings again from the Darkley Niche as we commemorate another holiday: St. Patrick's Day! Instead of going the obvious route with the infamous 'Leprechaun' franchise, we're posting a handful of videos here that variously blend horror and St. Patrick's Day themes. Maybe it will put you in the mood to watch more. Have some laughs, scares, and a few green-dyed drinks with friends, tonight! As our storyteller Vicki would tell you, be sure to party in moderation. She is undead after all, so know your limitations.

And because the YouTube embedding was disabled for this video:

The Nightmare Before St. Patrick's Day

ZotB: Zombie Temp Worker

We here at the Darkley Niche have made no secret for our love of PopCap Games' Plants vs. Zombies. (And in case any of you were wondering, we've played through the full-fledged version and still stand by our original, five out of five garden-variety zombies score.) So when we learned of "Zombie Temp Worker," a series of short videos featuring one of PopCap's zombies at the office, well, we just had to watch. Here are a few, for your own viewing delight.

If you liked these, be sure to also see G4's zombie public service announcement video.

ZotB: The Walking Dead, animated

In anticipation of the upcoming 'The Walking Dead' AMC television series, an adaptation of Robert Kirkman's comic of the same name, this animation was made from the original artwork of the first issue. Even if you aren't necessarily a fan of the zombie subgenre, it's fascinating to watch what were once still illustrations given motion. However, if you are a fan, yet are unfamiliar with 'The Walking Dead', it's a unique icebreaker into Kirkman's comic.

original artwork by Tony Moore

Don't have a friend that can lend you past issues of 'The Walking Dead'? Try referring to your library system. Chances are if it's linked with libraries across the state, like Michigan's MeLCat, for example, the trade paperbacks are available to borrow. Or, if you're like me, perhaps find a comfortable chair in a Schuler Books or Barnes & Noble and read theirs.

randomness: Sebastian's Voodoo

Maybe not horror per se (personally, I would include it), but it does have that theme of poetic justice often seen in the likes of vintage, classic horror comics, such as EC's Tales From The Crypt. And EC certainly had their share of voodoo stories.

The Horribly Slow Murderer

True, while this may constitute as a faux trailer, the video itself is approximately ten minutes long and therefore deserves to be treated as a short film. "The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon" is written and directed by Richard Gale, featuring forensic pathologist Jack Cucchiaio (Paul Clemens), who becomes the target of the relentless Murderer's (Brian Rohan) beatings... using a common, household spoon. Yes, you read right. A spoon. (WARNING: spoilers ahead)

In the immortal words of the Tick, "SPOOOOON!"

It begins in the vein of a cat-and-mouse, psychological thriller with Jack Cucchiaio stalked by a hooded figure in black with deathly white skin... and again, with a spoon. But the genre takes a turn towards ghostly horror of the 'Ju-on' variety as Jack learns the supernatural nature of his tormentor. Consulting a grotesque mystic (Fay Kato) overseas in the Far East, Cucchiaio learns that the Murderer is a "Ginosaji", which cannot be stopped and follows its prey unto the ends of the earth. Cue the appropriate montage of Cucchiaio pursued across the continents, attacked on both land and sea. Nowhere is Jack safe from the wrathful Ginosaji's spoon.

Visiting a dermatologist and orthodontist would do wonders.

Adding additional humor to the chase, Richard Gale even includes an homage of Hitchcock's 'Psycho' shower scene. Hilarious! Especially the belly slaps.

"AAAUGH! Why couldn't it be a loofah?"

Finally, pushed to the point of absolute desperation, Jack retaliates with an amassed arsenal of weaponry and explosives for a last stand against the Murderer, 'Rambo' style. Everything fails. Everything. Lying exhausted and bloodied from the merciless barrage of beatings spanning over twelve years, the Murderer closes in for the kill... only to find that after a few hits the spoon has finally reached its breaking point, snapping in two. What now? Is Jack Cucchiaio free of this curse, or does the Ginosaji have more in store for him? We'll let you see for yourselves.

"The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon" is a riot, if nothing else for its ridiculous weapon of choice and the Murderer's tenacity. We give it four out of five spoons.

ZotB: beer as the cause and cure

Both are amusing videos about zombies and beer, but each uses this combination in completely opposite ways. Watch and have a good laugh on us.

On a side note, for those of you who are perhaps fans of drinking and zombies, you can purchase California-based Chateau Diana's "Zombie Zinfandel" wine. The back label reads: "2004 Zombie Zinfandel is blood-red in colour, horridly rich in concentrated fruit flavours with a finish that never dies." Personally, neither Don nor myself are much for drinking; especially when it comes to wine. Although I must confess that it does tempt me a little. If they come out with a zombie-themed vodka, I'll definitely drink zombie White Russians.

ZotB: G4 zombie public service announcement

"Smoothie! ... Smooooothieeeee...!"

ZotB: SNL's People Getting Punched

If you haven't seen this already, just wait for it. It'll make sense near the end. Well, some sense at any rate.

ZotB: new post label and Zombie Majority

After some thought, due to the consistency of zombie-related "randomness" posts on the Niche, we've decided that it would be better to give them their own label: Zombies on the Brain. So when you read "ZotB", like in this current post's title, that's what the abbreviation stands for. Keep in mind that the content is essentially the same, simply set apart because of their subject matter. Posts that are more in-depth and lengthy, though they may be addressing something zombie-related, won't fall into the "Zombies on the Brain" category.

Occasionally these are personal finds, but more often than not these posts are derived from other horror blogs that we follow, such as The Zed Word and The Zombie Nation. It's only fair that credit is given where credit is due. If we don't happen to mention where we found said post material by name, chances are two-out-of-three that we were tipped off by another horror blog.

So to get the ball rolling for this new post label, here's ThoseArentMuskets' zombie survivor parody, "Zombie Majority".

randomness: Guy's Guide to Zombies

Childrin r Skary: The Mockingbird Song

Don, our good companion and confidant in the Darkley comic endeavor, referred to me a video on Newgrounds.com created by one Katy Towell, entitled "The Mockingbird Song". It has all the nuances essential to a gothic fairytale and the animation is rendered in that sort of simplicity that is appropriate to convey such a story properly, like a children's book. We recommend that you learn more about Ms. Towell and her macabre machinations by visiting her website, Childrin r Skary. Without further ado, here's "The Mockingbird Song".

FEWDIO's Easter Bunny

Easter is drawing near with the passing of Palm Sunday yesterday, so in anticipation of this holiday enjoy one of the few Easter-themed horror videos out there, made by FEWDIO. Their videos are legitimately creepy, so if you're curious for more explore their website. Otherwise, expect to see more FEWDIO videos featured in the Niche later on. (WARNING: this video is not for those sensitive to gore or animal violence)

Rotting Hills

The Canadians were definitely onto something with children's horror cartoons. Nelvana, a Canadian entertainment company established in 1971, is responsible for the humorous "Gruesomestein's Monsters" (2005) shorts as well as this ghoulish little gem, a miniseries called 'Rotting Hills' (2005). It's a cute show, and I'm sad to see that it came to be only five episodes long.

'Rotting Hills' centers on young Clark (Shannon Perreault), whose father (Dwayne Hill) has moved the family out into the country where things are supposedly simpler than in the city. Too bad it happened to be Rotting Hills (formerly known as Restful Hills), a township where the locals are zombies. However, it's not all bad. The neighbors are quite friendly, regardless of being dead, and Clark slowly becomes friends with a zombie girl named Zoe (Julie Lemieux) and her pet dog Buddy, which also happens to be dead.

Normally a miniseries doesn't warrant a rating here at the Darkley Niche, but I have to give 'Rotting Hills' five out of five Zoe zombies. Watch the first episode for yourself to see why. The rest of the episodes are also on YouTube.

randomness: What To Do In A Zombie Attack

oh, it was a simpler time

Gruesomestein's Monsters

Learned about these comical cartoon shorts from Frankensteinia and felt like sharing three of the total six episodes. I'll let the videos and Pierre Fournier's post do the speaking.

randomness: All of the Dead

Egyptian mythology, the undead, and Legos -- what's not to like?

randomness: Gay Zombie

My partner in the Darkley comic endeavor and all-around good friend Don linked me this hilarious video. Just a disclaimer: we are not prejudiced towards homosexuals nor do we support actual violence towards people with same-sex preferences. If you'll note, this comedy short pokes fun at homophobics, not so much homosexuals.

I've seen zombies shamble, run, even climb on ceilings ('Day of the Dead' 2008),
but never skip, before. That's a new one.

randomness: Sketch of the Dead

A funny comedy skit that I thank The Vault of Horror for posting, as I would not have seen it otherwise, here's "Sketch of the Dead" starring Paul F. Tompkins and Rich Sommer.

Sketch Of The Dead

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