AVGN on retro slasher games

The Angry Video Game Nerd, known earlier on as the Angry Nintendo Nerd, is a web series of retro video game reviews with James Rolfe as said Nerd, an individual so foul-mouthed that he puts the most verbose of sailors to shame. The profanity, as well as exaggerated gestures, again of the offensive sort, is part of the critic's overall character and at the heart of it is meant to be comical. The same goes for his occasional "drinking" during a review, meant to add to his already volatile personality and the show's comedy. His love-hate relationship with playing lousy games on old-school consoles such as Nintendo, Sega, and Atari is what fuels the cycle of each webisode. Granted, the toilet humor can get rather old. So if you have a low or even moderate tolerance for this sort of subject matter, we politely suggest that you skip over this particular post. Remember, you've been warned.

As far as we're aware, AVGN has reviewed specifically four video games that were inspired by iconic slasher horror films, namely: 'Friday the 13th' (NES), 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' (NES), 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (Atari 2600), and 'Halloween' (Atari 2600). This isn't to say that the Video Game Nerd hasn't discussed (or perhaps berated would be the better word) other horror games, as he's covered a handful of 'Ghostbusters' adaptations for different systems, but I digress. Of these four, we really have to tip our hat to AVGN's 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' review, not only because of the inclusion of Freddy Krueger as an active participant in the webisode, but also the clever homage to the Power Glove gag, which alludes to the sixth film in the franchise.

'Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare' (1991)

"Go yank your...[explicit string of profanity]! I've got the Power Glove!"

The rest of the reviews also include guest star cameos from their respective killers, playing out scenarios reminiscent of those seen in the original movies with the Nerd as their intended victim. However, as you may have surmised from his Power Glove quip (above), being passive in any situation, regardless of the circumstances, is not acceptable to the Angry Video Game Nerd. With the exception of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' webisode in regards to the latter, each time he manages a successful escape from their sinister intentions and usually takes the advantage to retaliate, beating the killer at their own game most often with a console accessory as a tactful weapon.

Without further ado, here are the aforementioned Angry Video Game Nerd's reviews in the proper order that the four webisodes were released. Again, we give fair warning to those with a disdain towards prolific profanity and toilet humor.

DirectTV Christmas horror commercial

Don, our co-conspirator in the Darkley comic, shared this video with me recently. Sure the Christmas season has come and gone, but nevertheless it's an amusing little commercial. Where else would you find Jason Voorhees chopping down a Christmas tree or Hannibal Lecter helping cook Christmas supper?

Easter at the Niche, part II

Here's the continuation of "Easter at the Niche". To read the previous post, click here.

'Night of the Lepus'

Likewise, 'Night of the Lepus' (1972) is another film that I haven't seen. For some reason, though, I am familiar with the running giant rabbits scene. Seems like it was playing in the background at some point during 'The Matrix', though I can't say for certain. Maybe it's a subtle play on the Alice in Wonderland theme in the movie. Hard to say.

The premise is that the rabbit population has grown out of control in a small Arizona town, so an experimental hormonal serum is used in the hopes of causing birth defects and thus dwindle down the populace. This, of course, does not go according to plan. Instead, the serum creates a horde of huge, carnivorous rabbits.

Cheesy? Most likely. But '[...] Lepus' just might be what you're looking for if mutant rabbits sounds appealing.

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'Resurrection'

Perhaps just as obscure as 'Night of the Lepus', 'Resurrection' (1999) is a murder mystery thriller that I haven't even heard of up until now. Here's an IMDB plot summary:

"Detective John Prudhomme, a Cajun transplanted to Chicago, is assigned to investigate the savage murder of a man who has bled to death from a severed arm. A message, "He Is Coming", written in blood on the victim's window is a dark, forboding clue of his task. After two more victims with missing body parts are discovered, Prudhomme realizes he is on the trail of a serial killer who is using the missing body parts to reconstruct the body of Christ...just in time for Easter. As Prudhomme struggles to catch the zealot-murderer, he is haunted by the death of his son, his continued estrangement from his wife, and his wavering faith in God."

Of all the Easter related examples listed, this is perhaps the one that might offend Christians most. As far as I see it, however, it boils down to the dillusions of a psychotically disturbed person. I would argue that the premise is on a similar par with stories like Frankenstein, except that these victims were still alive. (Mind you, that isn't a reflection on the quality of the stories, only that their themes are similar. I sincerely doubt that 'Resurrection' comes anywhere within the league of Frankenstein.) So instead of graverobbing we have murder, and instead of creating life we have an attempt at resurrection. Different, but still similar.

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30-Second Bunnies

A Flash-based cartoon series, "30-Second Bunnies" parodies popular films and replaces the actors with bunnies, occasionally even pinning bunny ears on random animals and objects for added humor. As the series title suggests, the episode shorts take thirty seconds to summarize the content of the original movies. Ever wonder what 'Night of the Living Dead', 'The Shining', or 'Freddy vs. Jason' would be like as an animated skit? Well, wonder no more. Watch these and others on the "30-Second Bunnies" horror channel at their website. It may not be outright Easter horror, but it does have bunnies and it does have horror.

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'Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit'

More comedy than actual horror, 'Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit' takes a playful jab at mad scientists, werewolves, and typical plot devices found in classic horror. While silver bullet are effective against werewolves, they apparently prove useless against were-rabbits. So what is, then? 24-karat gold, according to the town reverend. Yes, an obvious pun on the word "carrot".

While '[...] Were-Rabbit' is not a holiday horror film, like "30-Second Bunnies", it does feature the long-eared animals linked to the Easter-time season. Consider this movie if you're looking for something more light-hearted.

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'Alien' films

Of course what would Easter be without the eggs? Unlike Easter eggs, though, these aren't the kind that you want to find around the house.

'Alien' and the films to follow are infamous for the "facehuggers", which are responsible for laying Xenomorph eggs inside of its victims. But even then these creatures come from eggs of their own. Maybe as a game, watch the 'Alien' movies and see how many facehugger eggs you can count. If you want to include 'Alien vs. Predator' and 'Alien vs. Predator: Requiem', that's your call.

A.D. teaser

this looks epic -- please let it be

The details seem to be vague right now, but from what I can gather this is the teaser for either a potential or upcoming computer-animated zombie film. The names attached to 'A.D.' are script writer Haylar Garcia ("Freddy vs. Ghostbusters"), animator/director Ben Hibon ("Codehunters"), and producer Bernie Goldmann ('Land of the Dead'). What does A.D. stand for? My guess: After Death. Just keep away from a zombie Jesus and we'll be kosher.

Cuento de Navidad: The Christmas Tale

Part of the Spanish series 'Películas Para No Dormir' ("Films To Keep You Awake"), this episode was featured on FEARnet along with several other Yuletide horror films. Granted it is January, but like any holiday there's always leftovers. So make some room as we sink our teeth into Paco Plaza's ('REC') "Cuento de Navidad", also known as "The Christmas Tale", here at the Niche. (WARNING: spoilers ahead)

"Zombie Invasion"

Beginning with what appears to be an unrelated snippet from "Zombie Invasion", a fake horror film with a grind house feel, an archetype antihero rescues his damsel in distress from a zombie by stabbing it thru the left eye until a black liquid seeps out. Ending the clip, the episode transitions to Cubelles, Costa Daurada during the winter school break in 1985 as the boys Koldo (Christian Casas), Peti (Roger Babia), and Eugenio (Daniel Casadella) join each other is succession on their bikes and ride over to their friend Tito's. Tito, obsessed with 'The Karate Kid' and always sporting a karate headband, watches the movie on video with three until they are interrupted by an emergency call from Moni (Ivana Baquero, 'Pan's Labyrinth') on a walkie-talkie.

This would be a rather traumatic sight for anyone who believed in Santa Claus.

Riding out to the woods, they see that Moni has discovered a woman lying unconscious at the bottom of a dry, dilapidated well. (And no, her name isn't Samara Morgan.) Curiouser still, she's wearing a Santa Claus suit. Determining that she is still alive after pouring a soda on her head, Koldo and Peti bicycle back into town to get help from the local sheriff. As they wait, Koldo notices a wanted poster printing off of the police's fax, recognizing that it is the same woman in the well. Meanwhile, the remaining three children find a rope to help her climb out. Quickly they hurry back and Koldo chucks a rock at the Santa's head, thusly knocking her back down the well.

Back at the clubhouse, a trailer outside of Tito's home, the kids debate what to do with the trapped criminal whose name is Rebeca Expósito (Maru Valdivielso). While Moni is insistent that they go to the police, Peti brings up the incident of the thrown rock, using it as an excuse to keep her detained, as does Eugenio, who adds that there may be a reward for the woman. As we'll see, this is the beginning of a sinister nature underlying the two boys. Consenting to Peti and Eugenio's argument, the group decides to keep her secret for the time being. After settling the matter, as well as choosing alias names to use around the fugitive, they return to the well and toss down candy for her to eat. (Should have been cookies, since she's a Santa.) Covering the well with branches, just for precaution, they gather in a circle and swear an oath to never reveal what happens here.

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again! Er, oops... wrong movie.

It doesn't appear that the children are being intentionally cruel to Rebeca initially, but neglectful, certainly. With a badly injured leg and leaving her to get drenched by the rain that evening, you would think that they could be a little more compassionate, criminal or not. But as the episode progresses, neglect gradually turns to cruelty. Accidentally discovering that Rebeca is a bank robber whilst spying on his neighbor lady, who does morning exercises in the nude while watching the news, Koldo informs the others about the two million pesetas that she stole. Giving their greed further incentive, Peti and Eugenio become even more adamant to not report Rebeca to the authorities, deciding to extort her. But as Rebeca proves uncooperative they decide to starve the woman until she is willing talk.

Not agreeing with their inhumane methods, Moni tries to sneak Rebeca food, only to have it taken and eaten right in front of her by Peti and Eugenio. Then, as a final slap in the face, Peti intentionally yells out Moni's real name to the criminal. Leaving the poor girl in tears, Rebeca tries to console Moni and appeals to her kind nature. Obviously Rebeca has an agenda and wants Moni's aid to get out of the well, but her empathy seems fairly genuine, regardless. Unfortunately, Tito comes along and ruins Rebeca's chance for escape. Alone again, Rebeca looks at the now empty candy wrappers, breaks into a defeated laugh, and sobs.

I... I wanted cookies... *sob*

If you weren't convinced that there was something wrong with those two boys, the events that unfold on Christmas Eve night ought to. After watching "Zombie Invasion" together, Peti and Eugenio decide to return to the well and reenact the zombie voodoo ritual from the movie, which includes numerous candles, incantations (albeit in the background), and the slaughter of a live chicken. Yeah... We're moving into some real 'Lord of the Flies' territory here. If children slaughtering chickens on Christmas Eve isn't f**ked up, then I don't know what is. And putting aside for the moment that this is all within a movie, don't use the old scapegoat of blaming the horror movies for their behavior. They already had problems. Also, there's scarcely any parents to be seen throughout "Cuento de Navidad" (the exception being a man seen with Tito, who we're assuming is his father), so if blame is to be alotted accordingly they have it coming.

Peti, about to sacrifice a chicken for the zombie ritual

Santa's bag of goodies, or belly, rather

Frustrated that Rebeca has yet to crack, they rub the proverbial salt in her wound by talking about food in tantalizing detail. It's the the final straw and she can stand no more. Opening up her Santa costume, Rebeca reveals that her paunch is made of the stolen money. As they count the pesetas, Peti and Eugenio bully the other children to renege on their agreement to let Rebeca out of the well. Moni and Koldo, however, are against it and break into a brisk fight with Peti getting a bloodied nose. Winning the skirmish, Koldo leads the others back to the woods to let Rebeca out. Unfortunately they return to the well too late, finding her face down in the dirt, apparently dead. Emphasis on "apparently", since it's not long after that they return to the well with the sheriff and find no corpse.

Once the officer has left, Peti and Eugenio confess to the others that they performed the voodoo ritual from "Zombie Invasion" and fear that she has returned from the dead for revenge. Confused and scared, the children can only speculate whether Rebeca managed to escape alive in her frail condition or if she has been resurrected as a zombie. Both seem just as unlikely, yet equally plausible. Moni breaks the tension by assuring the others that they're safe: Rebeca doesn't know their names, where they live, nothing. (Although that's not entirely true. Rebeca does know Moni's real name.) Then, as if to prove Moni wrong, they hear the bell of their clubhouse. Returning to investigate, it appear vacant, even after Peti pops in for a look, however Rebeca eerily emerges from within and chases after the children.

BEHIND YOU!

Then like something out of 'Home Alone 2', the kids run to a closed amusement park where they hastily devise a defensive plan against Rebeca, involving luring her into lethal traps. All the while Rebeca drags an ax and remains uncommunicative, save for a few bellowing yells, leaving us to wonder the children's argument: is she alive or undead? Regardless of what the case may be, they aren't taking any chances. With each attempt the plan is to go for the left eye and penetrate the brain. Even Moni is scared enough at this point to concede, because alive or undead, the fact remains that Rebeca is trying to murder them.

Don't run, kids! She just wants to ax you a question.

After a failed attempt with a spring-loaded trap, Tito accidentally catches her attention and frantically runs away. But with Tito's obsession with 'The Karate Kid', we knew this would come into practical use sooner or later, which it does. After leading her to the top of a water slide, Tito assumes the famous crane kick stance and delivers a foot to the face.

"Boot to the head!" -The Frantics

Screaming all the way down the slide, very unzombie-like, Rebeca flies off the end and falls headfirst onto an exposed steel rod, which conveniently impales her right through the left eye. But with a closer look at the wound it seems to bleed normally, not a black liquid like in the movie. After arguing what to do (and Moni calling Peti "Freddy Krueger", a nice little pop horror reference), they decide to dump the body back down the well and swear, this time with a blood oath, once more to never reveal what has happened.

the chicken carcass from Peti and Eugene's previous ritual

However, "Cuento de Navidad" does not end here. Referring back to a scene from "Zombie Invasion", we learn that if the ritual is performed on a living person, "the undead would turn against that person, with indescribable force and not rest until that person is dead that is responsible for what it became. And then it's... revenge would be... terrible." I guess Peti and Eugene left to perform their little voodoo in the woods before watching that rather crucial part. Moving back away from a television set, we see that a terrified Tito is watching and is promptly startled by the clubhouse bell, which suddenly rings.

The next day, Moni tries to get ahold of the others by walkie-talkie, but receives no response. Even the clubhouse is completely deserted, so Moni walks back to the well in search of the missing four. Unattentively, she treads over Tito's headband, lying discarded on the dirt, and past the glimmer of wet blood on leaves. As Moni draws nearer, a black chicken that resembles the previously sacrificed bird too closely for coincidence scratches and pecks around the well. Moni looks down the well, horrified, and turns around to see Rebeca shamble towards her, a clotted hole in her left socket. Kneeling before Moni, she quietly repeats the last words of the blood oath the children swore: "To nobody. Nothing. Never. Neither of this, nor from me, nor from anybody else here." Then as mysteriously as she appeared the revenant disappears, leaving Moni as petrified as any tree in the woods.

You better watch out, you better not cry.

Aside from the eighties style kid antics, "Cuento de Navidad" was a legitimately dark yarn. While the concept of Rebeca's return from the grave to enact revenge is not a particularly original plot line, the way that Plaza keeps us guessing whether she is actually alive or undead was well done. And instead of focusing the horror on the obvious, the walking dead, the real horror was centered on the children, their greed, and their cruelty towards Rebeca. Now whenever someone argues that children are innocent by nature, you can add "Cuento de Navidad" to your rebuttal's repertoire, right alongside 'Lord of the Flies'. I give it three-and-a-half out of five zombie Santas.

Gremlins

To my recollection it seems like I watched this movie years ago with my good friend, and Darkley comic co-conspirator, Don, back when VHS was the only option. That's right, kids, we didn't have any fancy menu options, subtitles, or scene selection. *gasp!* Scary, isn't it? Well, his family always had a large collection of videotapes, and sometimes we'd wait until everyone in the household had gone to bed to watch a movie to fall asleep to. I'm certain that we did this at least once to 'Gremlins'.


A 1984 horror comedy directed by Joe Dante, though Spielberg seems to overshadow this, 'Gremlins' is about the Peltzer family and the trouble that ensues from taking a cute, furry little critter called a "mogwai" (translates from Cantonese as "monster") into their home. Randall Peltzer (Hoyt Axton), an amateur inventor looking for clients to purchase his often defective devices, is guided to a small shop tucked away in Manhattan's Chinatown. Here he meets a mysterious, elderly gentleman who is the guide's grandfather and shopkeeper. It's during his visit that Randall notices and becomes fascinated by the mogwai, which he wants to buy as a present for his son, Billy. However, Mr. Wing the shopkeeper (Keye Luke) refuses to sell, stating that "Mogwai is much responsibility. I cannot sell, for any price."

Behind his grandfather's back, the boy (John Louie) sells the mogwai to Randall, knowing how desperately the family and shop needs the money. But before letting Mr. Peltzer leave, he states three strict rules to follow: keep the mogwai away from bright light, especially sunlight, which will kill it; keep it away from water, even for drinking or bathing; and the most important rule of all, no matter how much it begs, never feed it after midnight. After giving the mogwai to his son as an early Christmas present, naming it Gizmo, Randall relates the three rules to Billy (Zach Galligan, 'Waxwork') and his wife (Frances Lee McCain, 'Scream') as well. Of course we know that the rules will be broken, sooner or later.


The Peltzer family manages to get by, but they aren't very well off financially. With his father having no luck thus far marketing inventions and his mother being a homemaker, Billy shoulders the responsibility of bringing in a steady paycheck by working at the bank in their hometown, Kingston Falls. Unfortunately, he's constantly harassed by Mrs. Deagle, a mean-spirited woman wielding significant influence and pull at the bank, who has a personal vendetta against the Peltzer family dog, Barney. (This is very reminiscent of Almira Gulch and Toto in 'The Wizard of Oz' and probably intentional.) Despite the less than ideal circumstances, Billy manages with the help of Kate Beringer (Phoebe Cates), Billy's co-worker and love interest.

Later, Billy's younger friend Pete (Corey Feldman, 'The Lost Boys') stops by the Peltzer's place to deliver their Christmas tree. Up in Billy's bedroom, Pete meets Gizmo and sees how the little mogwai can do tricks and sing. But when a jar of water is accidentally knocked over and spilt on Gizmo, it starts to scream in agony and little balls of fur pop out of its back like kernels of popcorn. At a rather startling speed, these lumps of flesh soon grow into a group of five new mogwai. Billy is absolutely amazed, though Pete loses interest almost immediately after, making you wonder just how dense this kid is.


It doesn't take long to notice that the five mogwai act differently than Gizmo, who is very gentle and friendly by nature. Following the lead of Stripe, a mogwai distinguished by his white mohawk and hostile behavior, the five form a rowdy pack with a mischievous streak. When separated from Stripe, as one mogwai is when Billy takes it to Pete's science teacher for study and examination, they appear to act docile and lovable like Gizmo. Regardless, Stripe or no, all but Gizmo eat after midnight when the opportunity presents itself: the pack at home tricking Billy by sabotaging his clock and the mogwai at school taking the teacher's leftover sandwich. Apparently aware of the transformation that would result, Gizmo refuses to partake of the food.

These cocoons seem to be inspired by the pods in
Invasion of the Body Snatchers' (1956), which is
seen playing at one point on Billy's bedroom TV.
Personally, they look more reminiscent of the eggs
seen in the 'Alien' films (below).

Next day, the mogwai are gone, but in their stead are a batch of slimy, fleshy cocoons. As the science teacher Mr. Hanson (Glynn Turman, 'Freddy's Nightmares' TV series) explains to the boys, the mogwai have entered a pupa stage, though "putrid stage", as Pete misspeaks, is a pretty accurate assessment. Changes are happening inside, and soon it's quite evidently not for the better. Towards early evening the cocoons hatch and what happens next is brilliantly played out. Using just shadows and traces of the emerged creatures it steadily builds the suspense, both for Mrs. Peltzer and Mr. Hanson, who are in separate locations but still alone with the creatures, and anticipating a first look of the transformation. Both scenes are done very well, but my personal favorite has to be with Mrs. Peltzer, which I can only describe as what would happen if Ridley Scott ('Alien') and Alfred Hitchcock ('Psycho') made a movie set in the mid-eighties suburbs.

Alone in a dark classroom with a film playing in
the background, projecting a live and beating heart
on the wall. It's the perfect setup for a scare.

There's something both comical and eerie about this scene,
when Billy's mother stops making gingerbread men
and picks up the kitchen knife before investigating.

Unfortunately, Mr. Hanson does not fare so well in his encounter with the metamorphosed mogwai, now a gremlin, as is the trend for black men in horror films. Billy's mother, however, dispatches three gremlins in a rather surprising (and amusing, to those of us with a dark sense of humor) turn of events before needing the rescue of her son. With Stripe left and fleeing the house, Billy and Gizmo pursue the gremlin to a YMCA center in town. After toying a bit with the two, Stripe plunges into the swimming pool. Well, you don't need someone like Mr. Hanson to explain that staying would be a very, very bad idea, so Billy and Gizmo make a run for it as the gremlins begin to multiply exponentially.

What ensues is pure and utter pandemonium in the once peaceful town of Kingston Falls. The gremlins have their fun running amok, doing everything from rewiring traffic lights to commandeering vehicles to harassing Kate at Dorry' Tavern, where she moonlights as a bartender. These critters are party animals in every sense of the word. They can be frightening, sure, but they're also hilarious in their imitations. Keep them entertained and aside from the massive property damage, they're relatively harmless.

gremlin Christmas carolers -- priceless

Fortunately for Kate, Billy arrives in his clunker of a car (and no, it's not an AMC Gremlin) to help make her escape from the tavern. Holing up in the closed bank, we see a legitimate outbreak survivor scene, somewhat akin to a zombie apocalypse film. This seems especially true when they leave the shelter of the bank, wandering down the deserted town main street. With a rather somber rendition of "Silent Night" playing in the background, it really accents this scene quite masterfully. Actually, the entire musical score of the film fits just perfectly and I really couldn't imagine it any other way.


After wandering around Kingston Falls for a while, they find that the horde of gremlins have amassed in the town's movie theater and watch Disney's 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs', comically singing along to the song "Heigh-Ho". Billy takes advantage of the present situation by creating a gas leak and arranging a lit cloth as a fuse. When one of the film reels ends, the gremlins spot the survivors whose shadows are cast on the movie screen. The gremlins hot on their heels, they manage to barricade the escape and get some distance just before the theater explodes in flames. But again, as luck would have it, Stripe had been gathering snacks from a nearby town store and thus inadvertently avoided the trap.

Ready to end this once and for all, the three pursue Stripe into the department store. As Kate searches for the light controls, knowing that it will give them an advantage, it comes down to Billy against Stripe in a game of cat and mouse. Taking advantage of the store's merchandise, Stripe implements various items as weapons and means of escape in a series of tactical hits and retreats, gradually wearing Billy down.

Hmmm. We have four key words, here:
puppet, tricycle, saws, and Billy.
Does this all seem a bit familiar?

tricycle-riding puppet "Billy" from the 'SAW' films

At the final confrontation, Stripe has made it to a water fountain to restart the mayhem, but it's Gizmo, speeding around the store in a toy car, who saves the day. Hastily opening a pair of window blinds, Stripe is caught in the bright sunlight, which causes the gremlin to melt away as Billy, Kate, Gizmo, and a late-arriving Mr. Peltzer witness. Later, back at the Peltzer home, news reports from outside Kingston Falls cover the night of mayhem as simply a localized instance of mass hysteria. Interrupting the telecast viewing, the Chinese shopkeeper appears before Mrs. Peltzer, having located the family to reclaim the "sold" mogwai. Chastising the family as he collects Gizmo, he retorts, "You do with mogwai what your society has done with all of nature's gifts! You do not understand... You are not ready." But before leaving, adds on a lighter note to Billy that perhaps one day he will be ready and, until then, the mogwai would be waiting.


As I said before, 'Gremlins' is a great holiday horror classic. It would later go on to be made into a sequel, though I can't say that it does as much justice for the original. Perhaps I'll have to rewatch and review it. At any rate, it's a great story and told in an equally great way. There's plenty of warm, lighthearted humor throughout the film, but several legitimately grim moments that give it a dark side. I give it five out of five Santa hat Gizmos.

Fear Clinic

It's the Niche's first post, and while I considered beginning with a review of the film adaptation of Stephen King's 'IT', which has a special significance with myself, I've respectfully decided to engage it another day and start with something more recent.

'Fear Clinic' is a short, but very sweet, five episode web series by FEARnet and directed by Robert Hall ('Laid To Rest') with a cast of big names in the horror film industry, including: Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger, 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'), Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees, 'Friday the 13th' VII-X), Danielle Harris (Jamie Lloyd, 'Halloween' 4-5), and Lisa Wilcox (Alice Johnson, 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' 4-5). The premise entails Dr. Andover (Englund), who has an experimental method of curing patients of their personal phobias using the "fear chamber", a device designed by the good doctor that causes the patient to confront their worst fear. Unfortunately, there seems to be a side effect: the fear starts manifesting into reality. And if one fear wasn't bad enough, they'll have to contend with five: hydrophobia (fear of water), scotophobia (fear of the dark), entomophobia (fear of insects), claustrophobia (fear of enclosed spaces), and misophobia (fear of germs and contamination). But Dr. Andover does have the assistance of Nurse Owen (Wilcox) and paroled criminal turned orderly Villatoro (Hodder), though they quickly begin to lose faith when the fears start killing patients.

Kane Hodder (left) as Villatoro and Robert Englund (right) as Dr. Andover

I absolutely loved the premise, the cast, and the effects used to bring the fears to life. My only complaint was how short 'Fear Clinic' itself was. I give it four-and-a-half out of five inkblots.