Happy Mother's Day

Have a happy Mother's Day, from all of us here at the Darkley Niche! Feeling inclined to watch some Mother's Day horror for the occasion? Well, look no further than our Seasonal Horror Calendar. Be sure to also browse down the calendar to September as well, for those of you who have grandmothers (Grandparents Day) and stepmothers (Stepfamily Day). After all, it's Mother's Day for them too, you know.

Here are a handful of horror film mothers that will make you all the more grateful for your own.

XENOMORPH QUEEN

'Aliens' (1986)

 

Pucker up, sweetie. Give 'er some sugar.

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NOLA CARVETH

'The Brood' (1979)

 Cut the umbilical cord, already. They have to grow up someday.

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LIONEL'S MUM

'Dead Alive'/'Braindead' (1992)

 Freud would have a field day with her.

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MRS. VOORHEES

'Friday the 13th' (1980)

 Don't run with sharp objects, kids. Run from them.

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 "MOMMY" ROBESONS

'The People Under the Stairs' (1991)

You can come out of your room when you learn to behave.

Friday, Friday

If we weren't dragging our feet metaphorically, we would surely be worn down to the kneecaps by now. Our Darkley Niche watchers are few, but regardless we appreciate the fact that we even have watchers, so our apologies for the lack of posts. We'll try to keep up on a more regular basis, perhaps on the weekends. And taking a page out of Rhonny Reaper's book, perhaps it's time we share the load a little by bringing our friend and Darkley comic co-conspirator, Don, into the Niche. After all, he's just as much a part of this concept as myself, so it only seems right and likely overdue. But we'll come back to that at a later time, after I've had an opportunity to show Don how to operate around Blogger.

Among the problems with neglecting posts, one such includes missing holidays and horror-related dates. Case in point: Friday the 13th. Well, while it isn't the thirteenth any more, it is the following Friday. So with that, here's an amusing, albeit brief, little video we were hoping that someone would have made and luckily did. Thank you, YouTube.

Also, say what you will about 'Freddy vs. Jason', Don and myself found that film to be an amusing love letter to both the franchises and certainly better than some of the sequels that preceded it. 'A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge'. Need we say more?

tardy, yet again

It seems that we've missed two fairly significant dates that came and went, recently: an actual Friday the 13th and the birthday of cosmic horror author H.P. Lovecraft. The former isn't that excusable, since we've listed each month in which the thirteenth falls on a Friday up until July 13th, 2012 in our Seasonal Horror Calendar. However, dropping the ball on the latter wasn't as bad, at least in our opinion, because we hadn't thought to look into it before.

Well, we here at the Darkley Niche are rectifying that last mistake by making H.P. Lovecraft's birthday our latest addition to the Seasonal Horror Calendar. Normally we wouldn't include birthdays in the calendar. In the case of such an influential horror writer, however, we will make an exception.

August 20th - H.P. LOVECRAFT'S BIRTHDAY

'Dagon' (2002)

While inspired only in name by H.P. Lovecraft's earlier short story "Dagon", it is, however, an adaptation of our personal favorite, "The Shadow Over Innsmouth". The film's greatest deviation from the written work is its change in setting, moving it from the New English town of Innsmouth to that of Imboca, Spain. Francisco Rabal's superb performance of the tragic town drunkard is not to be missed.

Additional H.P.L. suggestions:
- 'The Call of Cthulhu' (2005; silent film created by the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society)
- 'H.P. Lovecraft's Necronomicon' (1994; anthology of three H.P.L. stories)
- 'Re-Animator' (1985; eighties adaptation of the same-name story)
- 'Masters of Horror' season one, episode two, "Dreams in the Witch-House" (2005; modern adaptation of the same-name story)
- 'Evil Dead' trilogy (1981-1993; incorporates H.P.L.'s Necronomicon)

AVGN on retro slasher games

The Angry Video Game Nerd, known earlier on as the Angry Nintendo Nerd, is a web series of retro video game reviews with James Rolfe as said Nerd, an individual so foul-mouthed that he puts the most verbose of sailors to shame. The profanity, as well as exaggerated gestures, again of the offensive sort, is part of the critic's overall character and at the heart of it is meant to be comical. The same goes for his occasional "drinking" during a review, meant to add to his already volatile personality and the show's comedy. His love-hate relationship with playing lousy games on old-school consoles such as Nintendo, Sega, and Atari is what fuels the cycle of each webisode. Granted, the toilet humor can get rather old. So if you have a low or even moderate tolerance for this sort of subject matter, we politely suggest that you skip over this particular post. Remember, you've been warned.

As far as we're aware, AVGN has reviewed specifically four video games that were inspired by iconic slasher horror films, namely: 'Friday the 13th' (NES), 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' (NES), 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (Atari 2600), and 'Halloween' (Atari 2600). This isn't to say that the Video Game Nerd hasn't discussed (or perhaps berated would be the better word) other horror games, as he's covered a handful of 'Ghostbusters' adaptations for different systems, but I digress. Of these four, we really have to tip our hat to AVGN's 'A Nightmare on Elm Street' review, not only because of the inclusion of Freddy Krueger as an active participant in the webisode, but also the clever homage to the Power Glove gag, which alludes to the sixth film in the franchise.

'Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare' (1991)

"Go yank your...[explicit string of profanity]! I've got the Power Glove!"

The rest of the reviews also include guest star cameos from their respective killers, playing out scenarios reminiscent of those seen in the original movies with the Nerd as their intended victim. However, as you may have surmised from his Power Glove quip (above), being passive in any situation, regardless of the circumstances, is not acceptable to the Angry Video Game Nerd. With the exception of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' webisode in regards to the latter, each time he manages a successful escape from their sinister intentions and usually takes the advantage to retaliate, beating the killer at their own game most often with a console accessory as a tactful weapon.

Without further ado, here are the aforementioned Angry Video Game Nerd's reviews in the proper order that the four webisodes were released. Again, we give fair warning to those with a disdain towards prolific profanity and toilet humor.

DirectTV Christmas horror commercial

Don, our co-conspirator in the Darkley comic, shared this video with me recently. Sure the Christmas season has come and gone, but nevertheless it's an amusing little commercial. Where else would you find Jason Voorhees chopping down a Christmas tree or Hannibal Lecter helping cook Christmas supper?

Easter at the Niche, part II

Here's the continuation of "Easter at the Niche". To read the previous post, click here.

'Night of the Lepus'

Likewise, 'Night of the Lepus' (1972) is another film that I haven't seen. For some reason, though, I am familiar with the running giant rabbits scene. Seems like it was playing in the background at some point during 'The Matrix', though I can't say for certain. Maybe it's a subtle play on the Alice in Wonderland theme in the movie. Hard to say.

The premise is that the rabbit population has grown out of control in a small Arizona town, so an experimental hormonal serum is used in the hopes of causing birth defects and thus dwindle down the populace. This, of course, does not go according to plan. Instead, the serum creates a horde of huge, carnivorous rabbits.

Cheesy? Most likely. But '[...] Lepus' just might be what you're looking for if mutant rabbits sounds appealing.

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'Resurrection'

Perhaps just as obscure as 'Night of the Lepus', 'Resurrection' (1999) is a murder mystery thriller that I haven't even heard of up until now. Here's an IMDB plot summary:

"Detective John Prudhomme, a Cajun transplanted to Chicago, is assigned to investigate the savage murder of a man who has bled to death from a severed arm. A message, "He Is Coming", written in blood on the victim's window is a dark, forboding clue of his task. After two more victims with missing body parts are discovered, Prudhomme realizes he is on the trail of a serial killer who is using the missing body parts to reconstruct the body of Christ...just in time for Easter. As Prudhomme struggles to catch the zealot-murderer, he is haunted by the death of his son, his continued estrangement from his wife, and his wavering faith in God."

Of all the Easter related examples listed, this is perhaps the one that might offend Christians most. As far as I see it, however, it boils down to the dillusions of a psychotically disturbed person. I would argue that the premise is on a similar par with stories like Frankenstein, except that these victims were still alive. (Mind you, that isn't a reflection on the quality of the stories, only that their themes are similar. I sincerely doubt that 'Resurrection' comes anywhere within the league of Frankenstein.) So instead of graverobbing we have murder, and instead of creating life we have an attempt at resurrection. Different, but still similar.

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30-Second Bunnies

A Flash-based cartoon series, "30-Second Bunnies" parodies popular films and replaces the actors with bunnies, occasionally even pinning bunny ears on random animals and objects for added humor. As the series title suggests, the episode shorts take thirty seconds to summarize the content of the original movies. Ever wonder what 'Night of the Living Dead', 'The Shining', or 'Freddy vs. Jason' would be like as an animated skit? Well, wonder no more. Watch these and others on the "30-Second Bunnies" horror channel at their website. It may not be outright Easter horror, but it does have bunnies and it does have horror.

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'Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit'

More comedy than actual horror, 'Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit' takes a playful jab at mad scientists, werewolves, and typical plot devices found in classic horror. While silver bullet are effective against werewolves, they apparently prove useless against were-rabbits. So what is, then? 24-karat gold, according to the town reverend. Yes, an obvious pun on the word "carrot".

While '[...] Were-Rabbit' is not a holiday horror film, like "30-Second Bunnies", it does feature the long-eared animals linked to the Easter-time season. Consider this movie if you're looking for something more light-hearted.

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'Alien' films

Of course what would Easter be without the eggs? Unlike Easter eggs, though, these aren't the kind that you want to find around the house.

'Alien' and the films to follow are infamous for the "facehuggers", which are responsible for laying Xenomorph eggs inside of its victims. But even then these creatures come from eggs of their own. Maybe as a game, watch the 'Alien' movies and see how many facehugger eggs you can count. If you want to include 'Alien vs. Predator' and 'Alien vs. Predator: Requiem', that's your call.

randomness: Friday the 12th

A simple design, but quite clever. If you like this, head on over to Snorg Tees to purchase the shirt. For hardcore 'Friday the 13th' fans I imagine that this is a must have. Too bad that I didn't find this sooner, since last Friday actually did fall on the twelfth.

There there, Jason. Just wait until August.

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

In the previous Valentine's Day post, I posed the question of which 'My Bloody Valentine' movie would Don and myself watch. It's likely not a real surprise that we opted for the original (1981) first, though we did get partway into the remake (2009) afterward. Perhaps we'll pick up on that later. We have, however, seen several other films since the last review in January, the "double dud" feature. I've simply fallen behind. Expect to see some multiple film features down the road. In the meantime, we're giving this one a solo since it's been so long. (WARNING: spoilers ahead and some gruesome screenshots)


The back story that follows bellow isn't actually revealed until a bit further into the film. However, this seems like a more effective way to write out the review by doing it chronologically, rather than interrupting the flow with flashbacks.

In Valentine's Bluff, the holiday from which the small, rural town gets its namesake has dark undercurrents in the midst of an otherwise cheerful celebration. The Valentine's Day Dance is a hundred-year-old tradition that is anticipated by all the townsfolk. Or at least it was, until the tragedy that took place twenty years ago. Aside from the annual dance, the town's lifeblood is in its coal mines. As it happened, it was the evening of the Valentine's Day Dance when five miners were trapped underground due to a methane gas explosion. The accident was, in fact, negligence on the part of the two supervisors on duty, who had left early before seeing the men safely out or checking the gas levels.

Harry Warden, traumatized

After six weeks of digging, a rescue crew unearthed only one survivor, Harry Warden (Peter Cowper), who managed to stay alive by eating his dead comrades. Needless to say, the trauma drove Warden mad and spent the next year in the state mental hospital. Exactly one year after the mining tragedy, Warden returned to Valentine's Bluff to enact revenge on the supervisors. Their hearts were found at the town union hall, where the dance is held, in a pair of Valentine candy boxes along with a written warning: never hold another Valentine's Day Dance, ever. Since then, Valentine's Bluff has done just that, until now.

supervisors' hearts left at the union hall

Flash forward twenty years later. Two miners separate themselves from the crew down an empty shaft. Alone, one of them is revealed to be a young blond woman after stripping halfway down, exposing her bra and a heart-shaped tattoo on her left breast. The other figure, who we'll refer to as the Miner, remains in full uniform, leaving the mask on as she playfully strokes the breathing tube suggestively. After she guides the Miner's hand to her left breast his hand starts to shake, apparently now just noticing the tattoo. His whole body quakes, grabbing onto her arms, and violently thrusts her against a pickax protruding from the wall behind her, effectively impaling her just above the inked-in heart.

The scene changes, though how much time has lapsed is not revealed, to a crew of miners returning topside as a caption reads that it is Thursday, February 12th. As the men shower we learn that T.J. Hanniger (Paul Kelman, 'Black Roses'), one of the men present, has returned after a long absence from the town and that his old girlfriend, Sarah (Lori Hallier, 'Friday the 13th: the series'), is in a relationship with T.J.'s friend Axel Palmer (Neil Affleck, 'Scanners'). Awkward, to say the least. Regardless, things seem to be "okay" on the surface. Finishing their showers and getting dressed, the men hurry out to drive on over to the union hall, banjo music accompaniment enhancing the haste (as well as hick feeling). Over at the hall, the men meet up with their sweethearts, who are helping to decorate for the upcoming dance.

"Git 'er dun!" or in this case, "Git 'em up!" -- ah, hicks

Meanwhile, Mabel Osborne (Patricia Hamilton, 'Friday the 13th: the series') and Mayor Hanniger (Larry Reynolds, 'Friday the 13th: the series'), T.J.'s father, discuss the reinstatement of Valentine's Bluff's festivities. Mabel, a kindly lady who runs the launderette, is excited about the dance, but Mr. Hanniger is more cautious. Asking that Mabel avoid mentioning that it's been twenty years since the last, you can tell that he's trying to keep the memory of Harry Warden and the murders under wraps. "My thoughts, exactly," she replies, abruptly followed by Howard Landers (Alf Humphreys, 'Final Destination 2'), one of the miners and annoying goofball, scaring the living daylights out of the poor woman with a fake, bloody gash on his head. Way to be a d**k, Howard. But at least he helps Mabel pick up the box that she dropped and its contents. Don pointed out that Howard was reminiscent of lame prankster Shelly from 'Friday the 13th part III', which I had to agree.

Shortly after, Chief Jake Newby (Don Francks, 'Goosebumps' series) also swings by the union hall to check up on the decorating progress, but more specifically to see Mayor Hanniger about a meeting. Before the two get to the chief's truck, Howard catches up to deliver a heart-shaped candy box to Mr. Hanniger. It was already there at the hall before anyone arrived to decorate, but it was addressed to the mayor. Neither Mabel nor Chief Newby confess to leaving the gift when asked, but he is happy to have it, saying, "If there's one thing I like better than Christmas candy, it's Valentine's candy!" But as the mayor and chief drive toward the aforementioned meeting, delight turns to dread when Mr. Hanniger reads aloud the note included with the gift: "From the heart comes a warning filled with bloody good cheer. Remember what happened as the fourteenth draws near." Horrified, Mr. Hanniger looks inside, revealing a human heart lying within.

the mayor's "bloody valentine" -- I would insert a 'Forest Gump' reference, but it seems too hokey

Later, the guys and gals enjoy themselves at a bar called "The Cage", drinking, playing pool, and five-finger fillet. But it's not long before someone decides to rain on their parade. The bartender Happy (Jack Van Evera, 'Black Christmas' 1974), who apparently has a penchant for retelling the tale, describes the Valentine's Day mining tragedy in gruesome detail. As it turns out the bartender had a firsthand experience, relating that it was he himself who had found Harry Warden in the rubble. Perhaps feeling responsible for the murders to follow, it would explain why he seems so bitter (ironic, with a name like "Happy"). Ending the tale, he sternly warns the young miners and women to forget about the party.

With 'Friday the 13th' already in my mind, this doomsayer seemed rather akin to the character of Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney). Maybe it's just the curse talk.

"You going to Camp Blood, ain't ya? -- It's got a death curse!"

"I'm tellin' ya now! This town is accursed!"

Of course they disregard his warning, adding insult to the bartender when Howard pops up from below the bar and blows a raspberry, causing the patrons to break into a roar of laughter. "Laugh now," rebukes Happy, "but you'll be sorry you didn't listen to me." But they pay him no heed, convinced that Harry Warden is just a "stupid legend" and resume their merrymaking. After singing a rather lewd song about the bar waitress, Sarah exchanges a few words with her ex-boyfriend T.J., which causes him to leave in a huff. Later, T.J. and Axel would meet up again at the town junkyard, another hangout for the young miners, to have a short-lived p***ing contest. Nothing is really resolved, but Axel tells him to stay away from Sandy.

Elsewhere that evening, Mayor Hanniger and Chief Newby exchange some words of their own. Calling the Eastfield Institute, the administrative office is closed and the nurse on duty can't tell them whether or not Henry Warden is in their custody. Soon after the phone call, a coroner enters the room and relates to them that it is, in fact, a human heart; specifically that of a woman in her thirties. This more or less confirms that it belonged to the murdered blond woman from earlier. While they can't say with any certainty, it would seem that Warden has returned to Valentine's Bluff.

Also elsewhere that evening, Mabel happily adds a few more decorations to her launderette and takes care of some leftover laundry, alone. Outside, an ominous figure watches from the windows, breathing heavily with an unnatural sound to it. As Mabel steps into a back room, the figure enters quietly, leaving a heart-shaped box of chocolates on a nearby table, and moves out of view to wait. Mabel walks back in and notices the box lying out in the open. Cheerfully, she opens the gift, not suspecting what it actually means. Like the mayor's there is a card inside, reading: "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, One is Dead, And so are You!" Right on cue, the lights switch off and Mabel turns to see the murderous Miner, who chases her into a corner and kills with a pickax. Poor Mabel. I honestly felt sorry for her, which is really saying something for a victim in a slasher flick. As far as stupid teenagers and twenty-to-thirty-somethings go, I have no particular sympathy for them, but a sweet lady like Mabel is another matter.

the Miner with pickax raised

The next morning, Friday, Mayor Hanniger and Chief Newby make less headway on the whereabouts of Harry Warden. A lady in administration at Eastfield Institute tells the chief over the phone that there are no records of Warden, meaning that he has either been released, transferred, or "on the slab". This, of course, is unacceptable to the chief. However, she adds that she can check the microfilms, but it will take several days to check them. With this uncertainty about what happened to Harry, Mr. Hanniger seriously considers canceling the Valentine's Day Dance. What puts the nail in the coffin is Mabel's murder, her body having been discovered in one of the launderette driers by Chief Newby after he notices heart decorations turned upside-down and a fowl smell.

Mabel Osborne's scorched corpse with the heart removed

After being notified, Mayor Hanniger suggests that they call in help from Granville, but Chief Newby, ironically, is the one who is more concerned about what the panic would do to Valentine's Bluff. He has the ambulance team go around back to take Mabel's corpse behind the launderette in private and pressures those present to a cover story, that Mabel died from a heart attack. Before letting them leave, Newby notices a heart-shaped card inside the otherwise empty cavity in Mabel's chest and slips it out. Reading it aloud to Hanniger, the Miner warns: "It happened once, it happened twice. Cancel the dance or it happens thrice." Weighing the words seriously, the Mayor instructs Newby to have all the town decorations taken down, as well as enforce a ban on any sort of parties on Valentine's night. (Meanwhile, the turmoil between T.J. and Axel continues to escalate and Sarah's feelings between the two are torn.)

Well, this simply won't do with the young miners and girls. Gathered around a table at The Cage, the friends decide that with the town on party lockdown, the only place to have one would be in the mines. Yeah, great idea guys. Apparently those gas masks weren't sealed on so tight. At least I'd like to think that's why they're all so stupid. And not the brightest thing to talk about in public, especially when the bartender is right within earshot. At least be discreet about your illegal plans. Although I have to say it was rather amusing when he insults Howard right to his face.

Random Friend: "Yeah, in the mine! Where people get killed and eaten."
Howard: "Beware of Harry Warden! ... Woooooo!"
Hollis: "Shut the f**k up!" [directed at Howard]
Happy: "Beware of what you make fun of, you little a**hole."
Howard: "Who?"
Happy: "YOU!"

It was good for a laugh, at least. But even Happy the bartender ignores his sound advice. Deciding rather than tip off Chief Newby about the party, he goes alone to the mines that evening to rig up a dummy dressed as Harry Warden to scare them away. A little inebriated, he plays around with the dummy, which swings a pickax when the lunch room door is opened. On the third time, however, the dummy doesn't swing the pickax. Still, Happy laughs and starts to walk away. Should've kept on walking. However, he is not drunk enough to dismiss it, instead turning around and opens the door again. This time out comes the actual Miner, who swings his pickax upward into the bartender's jaw.

most definitely an "Oh, sh**!" moment

Saturday arrives, bringing along Valentine's Day with it. The day passes by quietly as a few lonely, discarded decorations linger on the deserted streets. As night draws near, the circle of friends drive over to the mines and begin bringing in certain party essentials to the recreation room and kitchen. The festivities kick off as someone puts on some music while others decorate, prepare the food, play a little pool, and, of course, drink beer. Meanwhile at the police station, Chief Newby is given a start when a heart-shaped candy box is left anonymously for him. To his relief, the box only contains ordinary Valentine's chocolates. But it's a bittersweet moment when he reads the card inside, signed by Mabel.

Back at the party, a lesser character, Dave (Carl Marotte, 'Skinwalkers' -- Funny, really, because Chief Newby is on Dave's case and in 'Skinwalkers' Marotte plays as a sheriff.), is murdered in the kitchen by the Miner. How, exactly? By drowning him in a pot of hot dogs and water. As if drowning wasn't bad enough, he has to choke on hot dog water. Moving on, Chief Newby has the sense to drive over to the mines, just as a precaution. Before he leaves the station, however, his attention is diverted to the sound of dogs growling and barking. Outside, Newby finds a few strays circling and lapping at something lying on the sidewalk, a Valentine's candy box with blood pooled around it. Reaching down, the chief picks up a card which states that he did not stop the party. Angered and confused, Newby looks around and yells, "Stop the party... What damn party?!" As for the valentine itself, we can safely assume that there is a heart inside. I would venture to guess that it belonged to the bartender, Happy.

Wait! You said we were just bobbing for hot dogs! *gurgle*

What was only inevitable, T.J. and Axel's rivalry explodes into a brawl between the two. Hollis (Keith Knight, 'Whispers') handles the situation and breaks up the fight, but Axel, hurt more by Sarah's fluctuating feelings, storms out of the room. Likewise, the Miner's blood lust escalates, murdering another twenty-something, Sylvia (Helen Udy, 'Sweet Murder'), but not before frightening her with Happy's corpse hanging from a hook. John (Rob Stein), who was away fetching more beer for his girlfriend, returns to the secluded spot to find Sylvia with her head impaled on a shower nozzle, water and blood flowing intermingled from her mouth. If the friends could use the local authorities, it's now. Unfortunately, just as he pulls up to the entrance gates of the mine, Chief Newby gets radioed in by the police station, learning that the lady from Eastwood is on the phone with urgent news. Making a u-turn, Chief Newby unwittingly leaves the Miner to resume his work.

fetching beer, John completely misses Dave's concealed corpse

Happy's corpse drops in front of Sylvia, dangling on a hook

Worried about Sarah and her man troubles, Patty (Cynthia Dale, 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents') asks her boyfriend Hollis to take them down into the mines for fun. A few others chime in and Hollis, though initially hesitant, lets them convince him. T.J. notices Hollis and five others, including Sarah, leaving. Learning their intentions he tries to stop them, since it is against the rules to take women down. It would make more sense to have a rule set in place for employees only, if you ask me. Hollis, the only miner in the smaller group, assures him that they will only ride the rail carts down and return right back up to the surface. Riiiiight. After all that drinking, can we honestly expect that will happen? On a side note, the music accompaniment that plays while the carts go down into the mines adds a nice touch to the overall atmosphere.

Reaching the bottom, one of the girls points out a tunnel, asking where it leads. Hollis answers that it's an abandoned part of the mine, which they don't go down anymore. Way to set yourself up, Hollis. So of course they want a tour of the tunnel and, same as earlier, Hollis lets them convince him. But it's not too far along their tour that one of the young couples, Mike (Thomas Kovacs) and Harriet (Terry Waterland), decide to split from the small group to have a little private fun of their own. Meanwhile, back topside, Dave's body has been discovered by one of the girls and John soon after stumbles in, stuttering out his own find. Everyone present starts to panic, so Axel ushers them out while T.J. dials for the police. Unfortunately, the lines are down. After everyone else has left, T.J. tells Axel that there are a few others down in the mines. Putting aside their rivalry, the two men hastily don their mining apparel and head underground to rescue them, Sarah specifically.

Down below, Hollis, Slyvia, Patty, and Howard walk back towards the main shaft. Joking about why Mike and Harriet haven't returned yet, they hear the shattering of glass behind them. It startles them slightly, but they pay it no mind. As it so happens, it is the Miner some ways back in the very same tunnel, breaking the electric bulbs that light the pathway. A little later, T.J. catches up and relates to them the murders that have happened topside. However, instead of searching for Mike and Harriet together, T.J. and Hollis split off down opposite directions of the tunnel while Howard waits with the girls. Typical slasher film mistake. Hollis enters the old engine room to find the young couple impaled together by a large drill bit. The Miner emerges from the shadows and plugs a pair of nails into Hollis' head with a nail gun. Hollis, though mortally wounded, manages to stumble out of the engine room and back to the other three before collapsing, dead.

impaled together by a large drill bit

Hollis, murdered -- Doesn't he look an awful lot like Teddy Roosevelt?

In timely fashion, the Miner walks down the tunnel towards the three, effectively scaring off Howard who flees. "Howard, you bastard!" cries Sarah, "You can't leave us like this!" But her plea goes unheeded and leaves Sarah in an awful predicament, prying Patty away from her dead boyfriend all by herself. As the Miner draws closer, however, he cuts off down a side passage. Even with the Miner gone for the moment, Sarah knows that they are still in imminent danger. Patty, understandably, is still in shock and it takes a slap from Sarah to put some sense into her. Axel comes across the two girls and guides them towards the main shaft, dragging along a sobbing Patty most of the way. Nearing a tunnel crossing, Axel spies a spotlight coming from the parallel passage. He swings a piece of lumber at the approaching figure, thinking that it is Harry Warden. Fortunately it is only T.J., who is no worse for the wear.

Earlier, a few friends that fled had found Chief Newby to tell him of the party and murders, so by this time he has now driven back to the mines. Police assistance is on the way, but unfortunately Newby is the only officer on the scene. The rail carts are already underground, as are the elevators, which the chief can't bring back up. Approaching the the elevators at the bottom we see that the control panel has been smashed, likely by the Miner. Instead, they take to the ladder rungs in the elevator shaft and climb upward. Axel takes the lead and during a slip he accidentally pulls a rope, which falls down with Howard, either unconscious or already dead, attached at the end by a noose. A sudden stop in the fall causes the body to decapitate, spraying blood on Patty and Sarah before tumbling again to the bottom.

blood "money shot"

The friends climb down in lieu of continuing their ascent up the ladder to find another way out of the mines. Fortunately, Axel knows of a shortcut to the rail carts. Enclosed in a tight passageway with water up to their knees, Axel waits behind until T.J. gives him the all clear. When T.J. calls, however, his response is a painful grunt, a crack, and a splash. The three hurry back, finding the boarding around a sixty-foot well broken inward and Axel's helmet light sinking down into the cold depths. Knowing that there's nothing that can be done, the three push onward. The girls get separated from T.J. and around a tunnel corner the Miner lunges out, plunging his pickax deep into Patty's abdomen. Sarah retreats and finds a place to hide where she is found by T.J., who was given a crack on the head, earlier.

Above ground, reinforcements have arrived and head into the mines with Chief Newby at the lead. As the police make their way downward, T.J. and Sarah make it to the rail carts with the Miner hot on their heels. The carts start their ascent and the two hop on, but not before the Miner manages to hitch himself onto the last cart. T.J. and Sarah move forward, climbing cart over cart, as the murderer follows and gets within reach. T.J. fends the Miner off with a shovel, then tackles the assailant when his makeshift shield is lost. Sarah jumps off the rail cart after them to give T.J. the shovel and a fighting chance. Forcing them back down the main shaft, T.J. and Sarah duck into a side passage, a ventilation shaft, with a board across the entrance, labeled: "DANGER KEEP OUT". That can't be good. Regardless, the Miner pursues them in.

the Miner closes in on Sarah and T.J.

Haphazardly swinging his pickax around, the Miner lodges his weapon of choice into the passage wall and unsheathes a knife to finish off T.J. Desperate, Sarah reaches for the Miner's mask and pulls it away, revealing not Harry Warden but Axel. The exposure temporarily causes Axel to pause as T.J. can only ask why. In a flashback we learn that Axel's father was one of the two supervisors that Harry Warden had murdered, witnessing the brutal act himself as a boy twenty years ago. The moment of reverie provides T.J. with the opportunity to knock back Axel into a couple of weakened supports, causing the condemned ventilation shaft to cave in. Sarah and T.J. escape through the entrance, but Axel does not follow.

Moments later, Chief Newby and the reinforcements catch up, along with Mayor Hanniger. T.J. tells them that the Miner was not Harry Warden, which the chief confirms. The call that came from Eastwood earlier revealed that Warden had died five years ago. Learning that it was Axel, Newby and Hanniger turn their attention to the ventilation shaft. The men search through the rubble and unearth Axel's moving arm. One of the miners declares loudly that he's still alive, which reaches Sarah. Despite his murderous rampage, she still has an emotional attachment to Axel and hurries back to see. Through a hole in the pile of debris those present witness Axel on the other side, one of his arms severed. It would appear that Axel deliberately hacked off the limb and as he escapes into the darkness, he angrily shouts, "Hanniger! I'll be waiting in Hell for you! [gasps, and cries desperately] Harry! Harry, I'm coming! [resumes shouting] This whole f**king town is going to die! I'm coming back, you bastards! [laughs maniacally] Sarah, be my bloody valentine..."

ah, nothing like a little childhood trauma to build character

"Harry! Harry, I'm coming!"

Well, I can certainly see why 'My Bloody Valentine' is such a slasher classic. The Miner definitely deserves a place among the likes of Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger. Especially the former, since both are so closely tied to their respective holidays. Frankly, I'm rather surprised that it didn't go on as a franchise like these other slashers. The ending certainly sets itself up for a possible sequel. In the long run, though, it's probably for the best that it didn't. If we've learned anything from the slasher sequels it's that they tend to go downhill. Anyway, the story was great, as were the Miner and his murders. I give it five out of five bloody valentines.

double dud feature: Don't Look Down and New Year's Evil

Still playing catch-up on the film reviews, as mentioned in the triple haunted feature post. So once again the Niche presents a multiple film feature, affectionately dubbed the "double dud". Don and myself have seen our fair share of failure horror films, but try to glean what pearls we can from the grime. Every film, however horrible it may be, has at least one grain that is or could be made worthwhile. Finding that hidden potential can serve our own stories in the Darkley comic, as well as marking what mistakes to avoid.

Like the last multiple film feature, we'll keep the synopses shorter and leave out the important spoilers.

When you have to scan the DVD cover because there
aren't any decent images online, that doesn't bode well.

A made for television film, 'Don't Look Down' seems like a far cry from the stories associated with horror adept Wes Craven, who produced it. Especially when it feels like a Lifetime Channel program. It begins with an excursion to some woodland cliffs for a photo shoot when a loose rail gives (just as she strikes a 'Titantic' pose and says, "Ohhh! I feel like I'm flyiiiiing!" -- priceless), resulting in Rachel (Tara Spencer-Nairn, 'Wishmaster 4') plummeting to her death. Carla Engel (Megan Ward, 'Amityville: It's About Time'), deeply ridden with guilt for being unable to save her younger sister, develops a case of acrophobia, thoughts of suicide, and hallucinations of Rachel. Her husband Mark (Billy Burke), the photographer, can only watch as the effects wear her thin.

The remainder of the movie is spent with Carla involved in an experimental therapy group for acrophobics, but members begin to die one by one, falling to their deaths. Is Dr. Sardowski (Terry Kinney, 'Body Snatchers' 1993) killing his patients with his extreme methods? Is Carla scizophrenic like her mother and murdering her group mates? Or perhaps it is Rachel's vengeful spirit, pushing Carla to the breaking point? The only time in which 'Don't Look Down' actually becomes entertaining is near the end. It's meant to be serious, and likely scary, but for viewers with a sense of dark humor it comes off as just funny. Certainly the story has potential, but it's just done so boringly. If you want a good thriller about acrophobia, save yourself the trouble and watch Hitchcock's 'Vertigo' instead. I give it one-and-a-half out of five "flyiiiiing" Rachels.

__________________________________________

The blame falls to FEARnet for watching this one, and being January we couldn't pass on this. How many horror movies are there that take place on New Year's Eve, after all? The premise itself seemed sound for a decent '80s slasher flick: a killer calling himself "Evil" (Kip Niven) telephones in on a live, New Year's rock celebration show and tells host Diane "Blaze" Sullivan (Roz Kelly, 'Full Moon High') that he will commit murders at midnight. Yet they still manage to drop the ball on this film. And yes, pun most definitely intended.

"This... is... Eeeviiil!" -- overly exaggerated
tongue curl and all, using a voice distorter

Is a woman in her near-forties really the sex symbol
that would appeal to a teenage demographic?

First, there's the number of plot holes, the biggest being the most obvious. Somehow the murderer manages to drive across four time zones, allotting enough leeway for a killing in each. Just as an example, the shortest distance from Texas (Central) to California (Pacific) would still take approximately eight hours to drive. But our boy begins much further out in the Eastern Time Zone and makes his way to California. Please explain how that would work.

Putting logic aside for the time being, Evil's first target is a nurse working the late shift at the Crawford Sanitarium. Disguising himself as a newly transferred orderly, it's apparent that this was all planned out ahead. Waiting until the midnight countdown before delivering the deathblow to his victim, he records the murder on cassette tape and replays the slaying on air when he telephones in to Diane again. Likewise, Evil uses a similar tactic of donning a disguise and cover story to pick up a pair of women at a bar, whom he records, slays, and replays to the rock show host.

Meanwhile Diane's son, Derek (Grant Cramar, 'Santa Claws'),
exhibits mommy issues as he watches the show from her hotel room.
Why don't you love me, Mommy? Why???

ZOMBIES! SHOOT THEM IN THE HEAD! -- Oh, wait, those are
just ravers. Still... better to be safe. (for real zombie raver action,
watch 'Return of the Living Dead: Rave from the Grave'.)

Disguised as a priest and likely on his way to a third target, a nun whose photograph is seen nearby, Evil accidentally angers a gang of bikers and ensues in a chase. Abandoning his car at a drive-in cinema (playing trailers for 'Blood Feast' and 'Blood Bath'), he steals another with a young woman in the backseat. She, however, manages to escape and the murderer hitches a ride to the hotel where the New Year's rock celebration is being televised. Despite police protection, Evil manages to enter and enact part of his revenge on Diane, which involves her chained to the bottom of a moving elevator. Without revealing too much, we learn that the serial killer has a deeply-rooted grudge against women, explaining the M.O. of female victims. Diane herself is the pinpoint of his personal vendetta and has been appropriately saved for last.

"Please... I'll do anything you want. We can even get it on if you
want to. I won't make any kind of fuss..." -- Is that really the best
thing to say in this situation? Encouraging a potential rape?

Wearing what appears to be a Stan Laurel mask,
it's never explained why Evil dons this near the end.

Unlike most horror/slasher films, however, the police actually prove to be pretty competent. Officers interrupt Evil before he can kill the woman kidnapped in the stolen car and the same happens with Diane. A chase ensues with gunfire exchanged between Evil and the police, leading to the rooftop of the hotel. Cornered, the murderer quotes one of the more famous lines from Shakespeare's Hamlet and jumps to his death. There is more involved with the ending, but that ties in with the spoiler. Needless to say, this isn't the end of Evil. A sequel was never filmed, however, so in reality this would prove to be the end. Probably for the best.

I must admit that I was rather critical of 'New Year's Evil', but having re-watched segments to refresh my memory I found that there were some redeemable qualities. The music, while typical 80's rock performed by bands that would have been forgotten otherwise, was rather catchy. Much, much better than 'The Howling II'. And I swear that Diane's musical introduction to the celebration special sounds like Puscifier's "The Mission". Listen and compare for yourselves if you won't take my word for it. And on a similar note, 'New Year's Evil' occasionally uses a whisper-like "shh-shh-hah-hah" audio string in the background, very similar to the one made famous in the 'Friday the 13th' films. That earns itself a couple brownie points in my book.

All in all, 'New Year's Evil' is a cheesy '80s slasher very typical of the time. It's not great by any means, but it's good for a laugh. And unlike 'Don't Look Down', this won't bore you to tears. I give it two out of five ball drop globes.

Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield

As I've mentioned before, sometimes my video browsing takes me through online sites. 'Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield' has been featured for a while now on Hulu, but its expiration is very near. So now seemed as good a time as any to watch this film. My expectations weren't very high, but having horror film icons Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees, 'Friday the 13th' VII-X) and Michael Berryman (Pluto, 'The Hills Have Eyes' 1977) was incentive enough. It should be noted that I'm unfamiliar with Ed Gein's personal history, so this review is completely at face value. In some instances such a perspective can be preferable, but I digress.


'Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield' is based on real life murderer and grave robber Ed Gein, taking place, from what I can assess, sometime in November of 1957, when the actual Gein was suspected and arrested, in the small town of Plainfield, Wisconsin. It begins with a captured teenage girl, who attempts escape, twice, but is stopped and soon after killed by Gein (Kane Hodder). We realize she isn't the first victim, as the barn she awakes in has a collection of various human body parts. How many were from living victims or previously deceased is not made known.

Recently promoted Deputy Bobby Mason (Shawn Hoffman) discovers the teenager's car stranded on the side of the road with blood splattered on the inside of the passenger window. The possible homicide is called in and a search is begun, though they cannot judge if the Jane Doe is missing or dead. This doesn't sit well with Bobby, but is consoled and encouraged by his girlfriend Erica (Adrienne Frantz) and mother (Priscilla Barnes, 'The Devil's Rejects'), though the latter worries him with what's likely the onset of early dementia. Elsewhere, Gein exhumes a corpse with the help of his friend Jack (Michael Berryman), though he is anxious about the whole affair and states that he will have no more in this. Big mistake. Bludgeoning Jake to death with a shovel (making a rather disappointingly short cameo of Berryman), Gein drags the body along a length of chain with his truck, passing by Deputy Mason's police car in plain sight. Why isn't he arrested right then and there? Because Bobby and Erica were too preoccupied making out. Way to be ever diligent, Bobby.

Like Jason Voorhees, Kane Hodder plays a similar role as a man with maternal issues. Having died some time ago, along with his brother, Gein lives alone and is disturbed by the memories and images of his mother. This problem becomes especially compromising when his hallucinations cause him to strangle friendly bartender Sue in broad daylight. A couple notice the murder, but at their angle mistake it for making out. Obviously Sue doesn't come home that evening, so her husband reports her missing the next day. Bobby assures the husband, but with the teenager still missing his confidence is still uneasy. And well it should be, as Gein starts to eerily eye Mason's mother. Listen to your son and lock your doors, lady!

Concerned for his girlfriend as well, Deputy Mason decides to drive over and pick her up, but is asked to investigate the tavern on his way out. The Sheriff also reminds Bobby to learn how to use the police car radio. You can already tell that this is going to come back and bite Bobby in the ass later. Meanwhile, Gein enters the hardware store where Ms. Vera Mason works, apparently letting himself in thru the "unlocked" backdoor, to procure some supplies: baling wire, rope, and a pick ax. Building a fence, Mr. Gein? Not likely. And when he starts hallucinating again, it doesn't bode well. At least this time he snapped out of his delusions before killing another woman.

At the tavern, Bobby and Erica talk about the case. The missing teenager was identified as Becky and suspect, after talking with her father, that she may have been shot by her boyfriend. But their focus is soon lost as they start to make out.

Erica: "I thought we were on official business."
Bobby: "Oh, uh, I'm just... checking you for weapons."

Smooth operating there, Bobby. Just when we start to doubt the deputy's skills he notices a bottle with a dirty hand print on it, just like the steering wheel of Becky's car, which was also dirty. It's a stretch, but at least Deputy Mason's intuition is accurate in this instance and the police's first real lead. And with the drink itself, a caramel pop, not so common it should prove useful. Unfortunately this won't be of any use to Sue, who, elsewhere, is decapitated alive by Gein with a handsaw.

In the next county over, on business to put out a notice for the missing women, Bobby and Erica are called back when his mother goes missing. (Meanwhile at Gein's home, we get a rather disturbing scene with him wearing pieces of flesh sewn together into a second skin, complete with breasts and, I'm assuming, a vagina as well. I could've looked closer, but I honestly didn't want to.) Fearing the worst, Deputy Mason speeds dangerously back towards Plainfield, but accidentally loses control of the car on the road and crashes. Disoriented, Bobby climbs out of the wreck and finds Erica close by, half of her face and knee torn up but still alive. With the radio broken, Bobby is forced to leave Erica along the roadside to get help, after she squeaks out an "I love you" (though I imagine she would really have used a different choice of words, since she was pleading with him to slow down).

As luck would have it, while Bobby manages to hail down a couple driving a truck for help, Erica is found and taken away by Gein to his home. Rather naive, Erica thinks that her "rescuer" is a doctor, despite being taken to a barn instead of a hospital and brandishing a saw. Strangely though, Gein resets her broken leg instead of sawing it off, as most would have expected. Oh, and remember that clue about the dirty hand print, the connection Bobby made earlier between the tavern and the missing girl's car? Thrown completely out the window. A local yahoo at the gas station reports to the Plainfield police about spying a woman's foot sticking out of Gein's truck.

So the entire police department, Bobby excluded, arrives at Gein's darkened house with guns ready. Aware of the authorities, Gein carried Erica into the woods to someplace private and because "The barn's not for your type. Too pretty." Not long after, Bobby catches up with the rest of the police and after informing the sheriff that Erica, who turns out to be her father, has gone missing they break into Gein's house. Upstairs they discover Sue's skin, stretched out taught in a macabre display. In the barn they find Ms. Mason's body, hung up in an equally gruesome fashion. After taking a moment to say goodbye to his mother, Bobby searches with the rest of the police for his girlfriend, finding Gein with a little help from Erica.

The climax gets a little pointless as Erica argues morality with Gein before Bobby jumps him, and then again when Erica and the other officers tell Bobby he cannot be judge and jury by killing Gein, who ultimately decides not to with the cliché "you're not worth it" retort. On a final note, before the credits role, the film informs its watchers that Ed Gein was tried for ten murders but found guilty of two, declared mentally unfit, and instead of a death sentence spent the rest of his days living in mental institutions. However, likely expecting that this would not be satisfying, it's added that Gein succumbed to cancer and died in his cell.

More or less, 'Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield' was what I expected: a low quality horror film with an emphasis on the gore and less on the plot. While the film has Kane Hodder and Michael Berryman to give it appeal, Berryman's role is so brief that he's nearly forgotten as soon as his cameo is over. And as for Hodder, we aren't given the chance to really delve into his thoughts to learn what events warped Gein into committing murder and mutilation. We're given a few hints but nothing of real substance, which is a real shame since Hodder gives us a good performance. The film revolves too much around Deputy Mason's personal life, losing perspective on the character we're more interested in. Yes, we can be involved with the story's protagonist, like Clarice in 'Silence of the Lambs', but it doesn't lose sight of its key player, in this instance Hannibal. With that, I give it one out of five meat cleavers.