hiatus happenings

Ouch. *cringes* It's been just shy of a year since our last post, here on the Darkley Niche. Been kept busy dredging away at work like a blue collar zombie. Apologies all around, readers. Without further ado let's get the reagent, because we're about to bring this blog back to life!

Although we've been absent for a considerable length of time from the blog scene, we've been keeping at it with watching and reading horror in both film and literature, respectively. And of course there's still oh so plenty on our to-do list. Here's an abridged rundown of what we've viewed in the more recent months during our hiatus. – We'll try to come back to these later on and write more in-depth reviews or commentaries. Consider this the first entree, so dig in.

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MOVIES

 'The Cabin in the Woods' (2012)

When you think you've seen all that horror has to offer, 'The Cabin in the Woods' takes many of the tried and tired subgenres and then turns them on their ear, like your ol' Nanna did when she caught you swearing. I had some inkling of what the premise was, but had only guessed at the tip of the iceberg. This is one film that we can confidently feel safe to say you won't be able to predict. Also, kudos to the filmmaker's nods to 'The Evil Dead' movies and guest cameo, albeit brief, with Sigourney Weaver. This was a fun ride, and it was apparently so for those making it.

'Creature from the Black Lagoon' (1954)

We've been meaning to see this Universal Studios classic for some time, but it wasn't until reading Gary Myers' "Understudy" in the 'Shadows Over Innsmouth' anthology that gave us just the right push. The creature itself, that is, the Gill-man, was an impressive costume, both in its appearance and functionality underwater. Not too many made during the fifties can make that claim. And we've been on a serious H.P. Lovecraft kick with all things Innsmouth, so this really hit the sweet spot. In certain respects, we would even favor this film over 'Dagon' (2001).

'Mary Shelley's Frankenstein' (1994)

Speaking of creatures, here is another movie that features one of its own. This little gem took us by surprise, as we had heard very little about it. And while the names Kenneth Branagh ('Hamlet') and Robert De Niro ('Taxi Driver') don't instantly bring "horror" to mind, it was all pulled off rather well. And there was a rather impressive line-up of actors, ranging from Tom Hulce ('Amadeus') to Ian Holm ('From Hell'). Our only real complaint is that Helena Bonham Carter's ('Sweeney Todd' and 'The Corpse Bride') physical appearance as the Bride was rather disappointing.

'The Thing' (2011)

Having been fans of John Carpenter's 'The Thing', we awaited this prequel with an equal measure of anticipation and trepidation. Admittedly, animatronics and movie make-up will almost always trump CGI in our book. But it wasn't too cumbersome with the latter, which was a relief. And speaking personally, I had to smile when seeing the inclusion of the alien spaceship deep in the Antarctic ice. That hails back to 'The Thing from Another World' (1952) and actually included a number of other bits that I recognized, which were also carried over. It adapted much of what made its two predecessors good movies.

'The Woman in Black' (2012)

When we come back to this film, we'll have to make an attempt at watching the 1989 adaptation, albeit both are based on Susan Hill's novel, much in the same way that both 'The Thing's and likewise 'The Thing from Another World' are with John W. Campbell's novella, "Who Goes There?" Surprisingly, it wasn't hard to watch Daniel Radcliffe without thinking Harry Potter. (If anything, Elijah Woods kept coming to mind.) While his performance was certainly noteworthy, hands down the best part of the film had to be the Eel Marsh House itself. If you've seen it yourself, you'll understand why.

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TELEVISION

AMC's 'The Walking Dead' (2010-present)

'The Walking Dead' has been a mixed bag for most, and while friends of ours have found plenty at fault with it, we still enjoy the series. Could certain changes have been made for the better? Sure. But as far as comic book adaptations goes, this sure beats the hell out of a lot of them. (Seriously. Look at 'Spider-Man's Green Goblin and ask how they go from the illustrated designs to a sorry, Power Ranger knock-off. With a little make up, Willem Dafoe's face would've been fine.) We're still working our way through season two, so it's always possible our opinion might change. We'll see.

John Carpenter's "Cigarette Burns" (2005)

Eighth episode of 'Masters of Horror's second season, "Cigarette Burns" made us think of Robert W. Chambers' 'The King in Yellow' stories, in certain respects. Instead of a play, however, we have a rare film that drives its audience mad. It could also be said that "Cigarette Burns" resembles Carpenter's 'In The Mouth of Madness' (1995), which we loved due to its obvious Lovecraft overtones. Lastly, while Udo Kier makes an appearance his screen time is regrettably kept short. (Coincidentally, this episode happens to star Norman Reedus, who plays a regular on AMC's 'The Walking Dead'.)

'Psych'  (2006-present)

Season six of USA's 'Psych' has included some comical homages to horror films, specifically episodes "This Episode Sucks" and "Hereeeee's Lassie". If James Roday and Dule Hill in full costume as 'Interview with the Vampire's Lestat and Blacula isn't enough for fang fans, it also guest stars Corey Feldman ('The Lost Boys'). And while "Hereeeee's Lassie" is essentially a parody of Stanley Kubrick's 'The Shining', there are additional little Easter eggs slipped into the episode, like pregnant neighbor Rosemary ('Rosemary's Baby').

Stephen King's 'Bag of Bones' (2011)

Ugh... Firstly, we're definite fans of Stephen King stories, so make no mistake. 'IT' (1990) the mini-series still ranks among our top horror favorites. But 'Bag of Bones' was nothing if not predictable, as much as we wanted to like it. (SPOILER ALERT) It didn't take much foresight to predict Pierce Brosnan's character was related to the cursed men, for starters. And let's be honest folks, having an author protagonist is a tiresome trend that occurs pretty regularly in King's work. Yes, it was integral to the plot, but come on. Enough with the writer characters, King.

'Adventure Time' (2010-present)

Cartoon Network's series 'Adventure Time' started with an outbreak of candy people zombies, so it was fun to see this idea brought back to life in 3x07a, "From Bad to Worse." Together with the murder mystery in 3x06b, "The Creeps," these two episodes comprised part of Cartoon Network's 2011 Halloween specials. – Speaking for myself, I particularly enjoyed these episodes as they're the closest I can get to watching horror films with my girlfriend.

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READING

 'Shadows Over Innsmouth'

Published by Del Rey Books and editted by Stephen Jones, this anthology includes seventeen stories all inspired by H.P. Lovecraft's "The Shadow Over Innsmouth," along with that as well. Some are hits, others are misses. But that's to be expected, really, and the hits really make this book worthwhile. "The Big Fish," "Daoine Domhain," and "The Innsmouth Heritage," were among my personal favorites. Be assured that a detailed Darkley Niche review will be in the works.

'Tales Out of Innsmouth'

As mentioned earlier in our two cents on 'Creature from the Black Lagoon', we've been indulging in Innsmouth-inspired stories. And while we haven't yet finished this anthology, shorts such as Gary Myers' "Understudy" have already made this read a worthwhile venture. Additionally, "The Weird Shadow over Innsmouth," which begins the book, was made from fragments of early drafts and reworked into a cohesive narrative by John Glasby. It's offers an interesting insight, although the story itself is a little repetitive, as is to be expected.

'The Whisperer and Other Stories' by Brian Lumley

Referring back to the previous book, this particular anthology is the reason why we put a pause on 'Tales Out of Innsmouth'. If it was to take a vacation from Innsmouth, guess again. "The Return of the Deep Ones," similar to most of those told in 'Shadows Over Innsmouth', spreads their tainted influence over to the shores of Britain. So far, so good. However, we may soon be swapping this for another of Lumley's anthologies, 'Return of the Deep Ones and Other Mythos Tales', and resume reading from there.

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That's all for now, our Darkley Niche faithful, but we hope it is enough to rekindle the embers of those followers who have been patiently awaiting this long-overdue post – like Cthulhu in his deathless sleep. We'll aim to keep this weekly to biweekly, if able. A film or book review may well be in order, come next time we write again. Until then, dream darkly readers.

Mr. and Mrs. Death sketch card

Adapted from the video games of the same name, the Death Jr. graphic novels are amusing with their mix of small town suburbia and the macabre. Plus, it has had contributions by three amazing artists, namely: Mike Mignola (cover art), Ted Naifeh (interior illustrator), and Guy Davis (comic short). Anyway, the best example of this mismatched marriage is Mr. and Mrs. Death, parents of the story's protagonist, Death Jr. It's an odd match, but they're very sweet.

Purchase this original art for $25 USD, which comes in a plastic protector and includes no additional mailing costs. Contact me if interested.

ZotB: The Goon trailer

ZotB: The Walking Dead, animated

In anticipation of the upcoming 'The Walking Dead' AMC television series, an adaptation of Robert Kirkman's comic of the same name, this animation was made from the original artwork of the first issue. Even if you aren't necessarily a fan of the zombie subgenre, it's fascinating to watch what were once still illustrations given motion. However, if you are a fan, yet are unfamiliar with 'The Walking Dead', it's a unique icebreaker into Kirkman's comic.

original artwork by Tony Moore

Don't have a friend that can lend you past issues of 'The Walking Dead'? Try referring to your library system. Chances are if it's linked with libraries across the state, like Michigan's MeLCat, for example, the trade paperbacks are available to borrow. Or, if you're like me, perhaps find a comfortable chair in a Schuler Books or Barnes & Noble and read theirs.

Stephen King's Cell

For those who are about to read their very first Stephen King novel, perhaps you're like myself and find that you approach this with an equal degree of anticipation and trepidation. Especially if you've watched many of the films inspired by his writings and have become a fan, even if it has undergone the filters of those who have adapted it for the screen. Will the written works be anything like these, for better or for worse? Maybe the biggest dilemma in this anxiety is choosing exactly which novel to read from the breadth of King's extensive bibliography.

Do you start from the beginning, with Carrie? It seems like the sensible thing to do, to read the earliest writings and work onward from there. However, and I may receive some flack for this, I never took much of a shining to its story. So 'Salem's Lot, then? Later perhaps, but what I realized by then was that I wanted a story that I actually hadn't seen adapted into a movie or television mini-series. And a theme to which I've developed into a definite follower. Combine the zombie apocalypse scenario together with Stephen King and what do you have? In one word: Cell.


Beginning with an outbreak reminiscent of '28 Days Later', had it happened in Boston, Massachusetts, aspiring graphic novel artist Clayton Riddell's dreams go up in smoke like the very city in which burns around him when what is later called "the Pulse" causes anyone communicating on a cell phone to essentially go mad and murderous. During the initial chaos that ensues, Clayton comes across Tom McCourt, a shorter, gentle-hearted man whose sexual orientation was very subtle to what I was originally led to believe (read Stephen Colbert's interview with Stephen King), and teenager Alice Maxwell. Together, the three travel by night to avoid the "phone crazies" and head north towards Maine, where Clayton's son lives.

Likely this is an oversimplification of Cell, but what really drives the book comes down to two devices: the fear that the phone crazies inspire not simply by their murderous nature, but more so by their eerie evolution, and the intriguing perspective King takes on the standard viral effect of zombie infection and transformation from the biological to the technological. Both devices are quite brilliant, really, in my humble opinion. Later into the novel, a little less than halfway through, we are given the writer's convenience through Gaiten Academy professor Charles "the Head" Ardai but particularly through his pupil, Jordan. Here's an excerpt from Jordan's theory regarding the effect of the pulse:

"No one has any real idea what that ninety-eight percent [of the human brain] is for, but there's plenty of potential there. Stroke victims, for instance... they sometimes access previously dormant areas of their brains in order to walk and talk again. It's like their brains wire around the blighted area. The lights go on in a similar area of the brain, but on the other side. [...] If you wipe a computer hard drive, it can't regenerate spontaneously... except maybe in a Greg Bear novel. People are different. [...] Me and the Head -- the Head and I -- think that in addition to stripping people's brains all the way down to that one unerasable line of code, the Pulse also kicked something on. Something that's probably been sitting inside all of us for millions of years, buried in that ninety-eight percent of dormant hard drive."

As to what Jordan is leading up to, I'll leave to you to learn for yourselves. With creative re-imagining of the zombie subgenre, Cell is a remarkably intriguing read. My only grievance is the occasional interjections that the characters, usually Clayton, make from time to time for borderline annoying anecdotes. That aside, I have no other complaints. I give it four-and-a-half out of five Lawrence Welks. (Trust me, it will make sense once you've read Cell.)

BitG: new post label and High Moon vol. 1

Like the recent addition of "Zombies on the Brain", we've created a another post label for comic-related news and reviews: Blood in the Gutter. ("Gutter" is the term that refers to the spacing between panels.) We've taken the liberty of using this title, which was coined by Scott McCloud in the third chapter of his educational book Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art. A very good read, by the way, along with his other works. So when you read "BitG", like in this current post's title, that's what the abbreviation stands for.

High Moon, volume one cover

Created by writer David Gallaher and artist Steve Ellis, High Moon is an on-going webcomic which debuted back in 2007 through Zuda Comics, a branch off of DC Comics, as part of its initial launch. Volume one contains the first three chapters of the series. Granted, you can read High Moon for free online, however there's something to be said about having a printed edition to hold in your hands. The graphic novel runs for $14.99 USD, but I managed to buy it for about a third of the original cost at a comic convention, so attending these shows can pay off.

Here's the synopsis given on the back of the book:

"An investigation into a series of strange happenings in a small Texas town explodes into a breakneck chase across American plains, chock full of cowboys, werewolves, vampires, bullets... and more bullets. The first winner of Zuda Comics' monthly online competition and Harvey Award nominee for Best New Series, HIGH MOON is a riveting horror adventure set amid the blood and banditry of the Old West."

The beginning of High Moon has a lone stranger by the name of Matthew Macgregor breeze into said "small Texas town" searching for Eddie Conroy of the Sullivan Gang, an outlaw with a bounty on his head. As it happens, the young daughter of Mister Hunter, the town moneybags, has been kidnapped and with the sheriff gone a "gentlemen's agreement" is made: find the girl, and they'll find his man. Well, needless to say things go up sh*t creek, especially when Macgregor and simpleton Deputy Jeb come across the mutilated remains of cattle and local miners. Macgregor and Conroy, who are both werewolves (Gallaher and Ellis aren't coy about keeping this a secret), become entangled in a town conspiracy with vampires at the heart of it all and the kidnapping, as it turns out, was an attempt to save the girl's life.


After the bloodshed is over the vampires are ultimately beaten, but (WARNING: spoiler alert) Macgregor has his throat slashed open and bleeds to death. This turns the entire story on its ear and Conroy, who we assumed was not an especially significant character, suddenly becomes our protagonist. After tending to Matthew's body, he scavenges the dead man's belongings and from then on goes by the name Macgregor. While I respect High Moon for throwing us a curve ball, I can't help but feeling a little cheated. The Scotsman bounty hunter was the big draw to the book, speaking for just myself. Although I'm not sure what to make of the red-haired wolf seen at the end of chapter three, one that resembles werewolf Macgregor with its similarly colored fur and jags of bone spurs. Perhaps he makes a return, but this was my main beef with the story thus far.

Tristan Macgregor, sketch

For those of you with a fondness for steampunk, chapter two is an especial treat with the introduction of another character, sporting a top hat and goggles, eloquent speech with an English propriety about it... Oh, and a fully mechanical right arm as well. Hard to not notice that. Adding further to the mystique, his name is Tristan Macgregor, brother of the late Matthew Macgregor from the previous chapter. Aside for working as Nikola Tesla's (an historical figure used in popular culture, often encroaching his inventions into science fiction territory -- ex. 'The Prestige') special envoy, he's searching for the man who killed his brother. And it just so happens there's a man using his dead brother's name... Awkward.

Young Raven

Well, after resolving a local family dispute between two brothers over a woman, subsequently cursing their own town, literally, the mix-up is settled and the two become entangled in another plot by the appearance of a young, blue-tinged Native American woman going by the name of Young Raven. Young Raven has premonitions of Sioux Indians slaughtered en masse by nightmarish horsemen, who turn out to be cavalrymen. The soldiers are headed by Commander Prescott, whose agenda of genocide involves an interest in the elusive Ghost Dance of the natives. Matters become further complicated when Tristan's wife, Dierdre, has gotten into bed literally and figuratively with the enemy.

More follows as the third and final chapter of volume one wraps up, including an intense dream sequence with Conroy and a colossal, raven-man entity. But in any case the series was continued, so volume one is left inconclusive. While the story itself is a little confusing at times, the premise of High Moon and Ellis' spectacular artwork warrant much praise for the first book. I give it four-and-a-half out of five Macgregors.
See also: The High Moon Rises

ZotB: Smurfs, zombies, and PC

He's coming to eat your braaaiiinnnsss... or at least Brainy Smurf.

Growing up, I wasn't among those children who watched 'The Smurfs' cartoon or read the original, Belgian comic 'Les Schtroumpfs' that it was based on. Still, I found this little analysis from the webcomic 'Menage a 3' (WARNING: contains adult content) rather interesting. Who would have guessed that the premise to Romero's 'Night of the Living Dead' (1968) and 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' (literally "The Black Smurfs") would be so similar? It sounds silly, but the parallels are rather uncanny. Read for yourself.


As one might imagine, this negative portrayal of a "black" Smurf caused some controversy, which was reason for Hanna-Barbera ("They're coming to get you, Barbera!" Sorry, bad joke.) Productions to opt for the color purple in the animated series, instead. Even the original comic, 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs', wasn't translated into English for this very reason. Honestly, though, it seems like a rather weak argument. Political correctness sometimes is pushed to the point of pure ludicrousness, in this writer's personal opinion. Explain to me exactly what derogatory stereotype a hopping, biting Smurf perpetuates of the African community, I ask you? In all seriousness, tell me.

'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' page with the first "infected" Smurf

If the black Smurfs from 'Les Schtroumpfs Noirs' can be seen as offensive, why hasn't the LGBT community gotten up in arms over the "politically correct" purple Smurfs from season one, episode sixteen? If one goes along the same skewed line of thinking that reasons why the black Smurfs were offensive, you could find a whole slew of imaginary insinuations. Examples: the gay association with the color purple (Remember the Tinky Winky controversy?), the spread of infection like an STD, hopping instead of the derogatory stereotype of skipping, and so on. Don't get angry, I'm simply playing devil's advocate to prove my point. It goes to show you that such hypersensitive interpretations are really unfounded and outright ridiculous.

horde of infected Smurfs descending on the Smurf village

an especially zombie-like Smurfette with arms raised forward

Before I asked who would have guessed 'The Smurfs' and 'Night of the Living Dead' could be so alike. But it would appear that the bigger question is, who would have guessed 'The Smurfs' could be deemed controversial? Goes to show you how backwards the world works, I guess.

Watch "The Purple Smurfs" episode, here.

memorial: Frank Frazetta (1928-2010)

Frank Frazetta

Monday it came to my attention that Frank Frazetta, an artist whose work has made him a veritable titan in comics, died yesterday at a dignified age of eighty-two. It comes with some sheepish admittance on my part that I am not especially acquainted with his artwork, a double-strike as an illustrator and one interested in comics as well. Regardless, even my substantial ignorance recognizes the importance of such a man to the art community, in addition to the broader fantasy and science fiction community, and the loss with his passing. The Vault of Horror wrote a respectable article in remembrance of Frazetta, which I would encourage you to read, here. So instead of writing a few words about the artist, it seemed more fitting to post a handful of horror-related, cover artwork from 'Creepy' that I have seen and can admire.

On a side note, I've learned of a documentary entitled 'Frank Frazetta: Painting with Fire', so if you find yourself in a similar situation as myself perhaps you will give it a watch.

randomness: a case of the werewolves

Guess the joke is on him, huh? If you were expecting werewolves when you read the post title, then I suppose I've had a little fun with you, too. On that note, happy April Fool's Day!

Also, if anyone could tell me the original source of this comic, I would appreciate it. Giving credit where it's due is always a nice gesture. Found this on lolbot, but any acknowledgments were not given.

Easter at the Niche, part II

Here's the continuation of "Easter at the Niche". To read the previous post, click here.

'Night of the Lepus'

Likewise, 'Night of the Lepus' (1972) is another film that I haven't seen. For some reason, though, I am familiar with the running giant rabbits scene. Seems like it was playing in the background at some point during 'The Matrix', though I can't say for certain. Maybe it's a subtle play on the Alice in Wonderland theme in the movie. Hard to say.

The premise is that the rabbit population has grown out of control in a small Arizona town, so an experimental hormonal serum is used in the hopes of causing birth defects and thus dwindle down the populace. This, of course, does not go according to plan. Instead, the serum creates a horde of huge, carnivorous rabbits.

Cheesy? Most likely. But '[...] Lepus' just might be what you're looking for if mutant rabbits sounds appealing.

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'Resurrection'

Perhaps just as obscure as 'Night of the Lepus', 'Resurrection' (1999) is a murder mystery thriller that I haven't even heard of up until now. Here's an IMDB plot summary:

"Detective John Prudhomme, a Cajun transplanted to Chicago, is assigned to investigate the savage murder of a man who has bled to death from a severed arm. A message, "He Is Coming", written in blood on the victim's window is a dark, forboding clue of his task. After two more victims with missing body parts are discovered, Prudhomme realizes he is on the trail of a serial killer who is using the missing body parts to reconstruct the body of Christ...just in time for Easter. As Prudhomme struggles to catch the zealot-murderer, he is haunted by the death of his son, his continued estrangement from his wife, and his wavering faith in God."

Of all the Easter related examples listed, this is perhaps the one that might offend Christians most. As far as I see it, however, it boils down to the dillusions of a psychotically disturbed person. I would argue that the premise is on a similar par with stories like Frankenstein, except that these victims were still alive. (Mind you, that isn't a reflection on the quality of the stories, only that their themes are similar. I sincerely doubt that 'Resurrection' comes anywhere within the league of Frankenstein.) So instead of graverobbing we have murder, and instead of creating life we have an attempt at resurrection. Different, but still similar.

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30-Second Bunnies

A Flash-based cartoon series, "30-Second Bunnies" parodies popular films and replaces the actors with bunnies, occasionally even pinning bunny ears on random animals and objects for added humor. As the series title suggests, the episode shorts take thirty seconds to summarize the content of the original movies. Ever wonder what 'Night of the Living Dead', 'The Shining', or 'Freddy vs. Jason' would be like as an animated skit? Well, wonder no more. Watch these and others on the "30-Second Bunnies" horror channel at their website. It may not be outright Easter horror, but it does have bunnies and it does have horror.

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'Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit'

More comedy than actual horror, 'Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit' takes a playful jab at mad scientists, werewolves, and typical plot devices found in classic horror. While silver bullet are effective against werewolves, they apparently prove useless against were-rabbits. So what is, then? 24-karat gold, according to the town reverend. Yes, an obvious pun on the word "carrot".

While '[...] Were-Rabbit' is not a holiday horror film, like "30-Second Bunnies", it does feature the long-eared animals linked to the Easter-time season. Consider this movie if you're looking for something more light-hearted.

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'Alien' films

Of course what would Easter be without the eggs? Unlike Easter eggs, though, these aren't the kind that you want to find around the house.

'Alien' and the films to follow are infamous for the "facehuggers", which are responsible for laying Xenomorph eggs inside of its victims. But even then these creatures come from eggs of their own. Maybe as a game, watch the 'Alien' movies and see how many facehugger eggs you can count. If you want to include 'Alien vs. Predator' and 'Alien vs. Predator: Requiem', that's your call.

Easter at the Niche, part I

In the mood for some seasonal horror with an Easter theme? While the selection is limited, the Niche will list several examples to help satisfy your craving. Not all of these are directly Easter related, per se (or necessarily "horror", for that matter). However, there are relevant tie-ins with themes of the holiday (ex: rabbits, eggs, etc.). Our only stipulation here is excluding explicitly religious subject matter, which might be deemed offensive. It may have religious themes tied to Easter, but nothing that directly involves Christ. If you were expecting something in regards to "zombie Jesus", it's not happening.

FEWDIO's Easter Bunny

We touched briefly on this short video in a previous post. FEWDIO, creator of the short "The Easter Bunny is Eating My Candy", is a production team currently consisting of seven individuals with a simple objective that is effectively summed up in a single sentence: "We create nightmares." Indeed, they do. Just a personal recommendation, if you watch "Easter Bunny" or the other shorts do it alone and in the dark. It's a surefire way to frighten you awake.

Also, a brief thanks to Paul of FEWDIO for the kind words about the aforementioned post.

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creepy Easter Bunny costume

A traditional Halloween costume of a frightening rabbit ("Peter Rottentail", example seen left) would also work well to scare the lil' tikes during Easter time. We're sure that those out there with a dark sense of humor could concoct something creative. Just be sure to do it in good fun, alight? There's a significant difference between a playful scare and terrifying a child to tears. Remember to use a little discretion and common sense.

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'Donnie Darko'

Speaking of costumes, we're sure that most of you are familiar with Frank the rabbit from 'Donnie Darko'. While the film is more science fiction/psychological thriller than horror, they don't come much creepier than Frank. The macabre, skull-like grin and whispering voice alone are enough to make anyone shiver. It doesn't get better when Frank unmasks himself, either.

As an Easter egg to horror fans, notice that 'The Evil Dead' plays on screen while Frank and Donnie converse in the dimly lit movie theater. Even before this, take note of the double feature sign outside the theater, which advertises 'Halloween' and 'Frightmare'. If you want to give it another Easter tie-in, you'll see that 'The Last Temptation of Christ' was also showing as Donnie leaves the theater.

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Švankmajer's 'Alice'

Czech artist Jan Švankmajer masterfully creates a dark retelling of Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland in this 1988 Surrealist fantasy film. Wonderland itself is made mostly of a succession of dilapidated, cryptic rooms and baiting Alice along the way is the iconic White Rabbit. However, with its false glass eyes and a visceral tear across its stomach that constantly spills sawdust, this White Rabbit is an actual taxidermied animal brought to life by stop-motion animation. It initially escapes its display after biting through the nails in its paws. Rather unsettling, to say the least.

Watch a sample of Švankmajer's 'Alice' here.

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'Critters 2: The Main Course'

Now, I haven't watched this particular film franchise yet. However, I've come to learn that the sequel is set in a small town during the holiday festivities. In fact, the Crites even attack a man dressed in costume as the Easter Bunny. Is that incentive enough to watch? I think so, yes.

Quirk Books trailers

Likely you have at least heard mention of one or more of the titles published by Quirk Books in the past two years, such as: 'Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters', 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies', or the most recent, 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls'. ('Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' was written by Seth Grahame-Smith, author of 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies', but released instead through Grand Central Publishing. It doesn't fit the theme of the other books, so this makes some sense.) Aside from their unique twist on the classic literature of English novelist Jane Austen, these released horror-injected remakes included their own film trailers. I'm no bibliophile by any means, but it seems rather rare for such a thing in the world of books. So here are the trailers to two of the aforementioned novels.

Goosebumps: The Girl Who Cried Monster

The previous post makes for a good transition into the latest 'Goosebumps' review. Presenting the eighth, on-going installment of the Niche's R.L. Stine series reviews, here's 'The Girl Who Cried Monster'. (WARNING: spoilers ahead)


Lucy Dark is a twelve-year-old girl with straight black hair and eyes, a rounded face, very fair skin, and is short for her age, much like her younger brother, Randy. Her favorite pastime is giving him a fright, claiming to see "toe-biters" and other monsters around nearly every corner in their hometown of Timberland Falls. Even her parents and best friend Aaron Messer, a lanky boy with curly red hair and freckles, have heard more than enough of her tall tales. These tales are especially exasperating to Lucy's mother. Scaring Randy, particularly, puts Mrs. Dark in a foul mood with her daughter. So it comes as no surprise that when Lucy does find an actual monster nobody believes her. Of course, most probably drew this conclusion simply from the novella's title.

Enrolled in the town library's summer reading program, the "Reading Rangers", Lucy arrives for her weekly meet with Mr. Mortman the librarian to give a synopsis of her latest assigned book, Huckleberry Finn. Mr. Mortman is an overall friendly man, bald and plump with small eyes that seem even smaller when he smiles. However his hands that are always sopping wet, likely from handling his pet turtles, which are kept on his desk in a pan of shallow water. So while Mr. Mortman is a generally warm person, certain characteristics such as these give Lucy the creeps. When Lucy returns to the library later to retrieve her forgotten rollerblades, she is given a legitimate reason to be uneasy. Hidden behind the bookcases and shadow of onset dusk during the closed hours, she secretly witnesses a disturbing transformation.

"His head floated up from his turtleneck and started to expand, like a balloon being inflated [...] his eyes bulged out as if on stems, poking straight up like insect antennae [...] And then his mouth began to twist and grow. It opened wide, like a gaping black hole [...]"

Adding to Lucy's horror, the thing that once was Mr. Mortman begins to consume a jar full of living flies by the handful, which were assumed to be food for the turtles. She makes a blind run for it and hastily leaves the library. When she regains her wits, Lucy realizes that the rollerblades are still inside the library and returns, even after what she witnessed, to retrieve them. This time, however, she decides to make her presence very obvious. After all, if Mr. Mortman hears someone coming inside, he won't let himself be seen as a monster. At least that is her reasoning, at any rate. But the library's front door is locked, so Lucy walks back home. Telling her family about Mr. Mortman, they don't pay her much mind and Lucy wonders herself if it was just her imagination.

At her next Reading Rangers meeting, Lucy gives Mr. Mortman her brief report on 'Frankenstein'; a rather appropriate read for her, really. She tries to bait him a little with a few questions to see if she can get a reaction, even something subtle, but gets nothing. At least nothing certain. So for her own peace of mind, Lucy decides to hide out in the library before closing, folding herself up in a low, empty bookshelf. After all the patrons have left and Mr. Mortman has locked up, she leaves the shelf to stand and secretly watch within a nearby aisle. All appears normal with the librarian, who hums to himself as he routinely straightens his desk. But then out comes the jar of living flies. Just like before, Mr. Mortman's head begins to bloat, his eyes stem outward, and his smile twists into a ghastly, gaping maw. "Dinnertime, my timid friends," says the monster in Mr. Mortman's scratchy voice. After feasting on the flies for a while, he turns his attention to the pet turtles. As it turns out they aren't pets after all, but more food for the monster.

The sound of shells cracking is enough to make Lucy turn tail. Not caring if he hears, she flees for the door, only to have forgotten that it has been locked. She was trapped, trapped with the monster. And rapid footsteps were close behind her. But her wits come back in time to open the door and race across the front lawn and cut through a hedge. "Hey, is someone out there?" Mr. Mortman calls. Apparently he hadn't seen her, but it isn't certain. So she runs over to Aaron's house to tell him what had happened at the library. But the conversation goes unsuccessfully, assuming that it is another of Lucy's fanciful fabrications. It's bad enough that her family doesn't believe her, but for her best friend not to is very upsetting for the girl. You can't blame their disbelief, really. So she leaves in a huff and returns home, only to get two scares. The first is from Randy, who leaves a papier-mâché monster in her bed for a cheap startle (she had it coming). The second, Mr. Mortman shows up soon after at their front door.

Turns out that Lucy had left her backpack behind at the library and Mr. Mortman came by to return it. Was there an ulterior motive to this visit? Probably, since he mentions someone sneaking in the library after closing, added to the fact that he lives in the other direction. He seems like a friendly guy, but I don't know if he's that nice. In any case, Mr. Mortman leaves as Lucy's parents return home. Again, she tries to convince them that Mr. Mortman is a monster, which simply aggravates her mother more. Just an excuse to get out of the Reading Rangers program, Mrs. Dark says. So of course this steels her resolve even more to prove it. Lucy arranges the next afternoon to spy on Mr. Mortman with Aaron, who is a no-show due to a coinciding dental appointment. That dirty traitor, she mutters mentally. Regardless, she discreetly enters the library and hides past closing time.

This time Lucy comes prepared with a camera. Funny thing, she forgets about the flash. When she snaps a picture of the monster it startles him and angrily gives chase. However, Mr. Mortman is hindered by the temporary blindness caused by the flash and Lucy escapes, apparently unseen. That same evening, the Dark family go out for Chinese food at the mall, which also has a one-hour photo developer. Lucy drops off the roll of film before they have dinner, then returns for the photos, after. Eagerly she flips through the photographs for the one snapshot. Strangely, though, the picture is perfectly clear. The desk is there, the tray and turtles are there, but no monster. It would seem that Mr. Mortman, at least in his monster form, cannot be captured of film. Lucy makes this case to her parents, but an empty picture is very flimsy evidence.

Lucy's ace in the hole becomes Aaron, a no-nonsense sort of person, who can serve as a witness and knows her parents will believe. Instead of hiding in the library again, this time the two children follow Mr. Mortman to his house after closing time. The first floor windows are too tall, so Aaron fetches a nearby wheelbarrow for Lucy to stand on as he keeps it steady for her. She has a close call, but luckily an aquarium of exotic fish obscure the window well. In case you haven't guessed by now, these fish are as much pets as Mr. Mortman's turtles. Turning into the monster again, he reaches into the tank and helps himself to a few of his "timid friends". Suddenly, seeing that Aaron isn't steadying the wheelbarrow, Lucy falls. The commotion is enough to get Mr. Mortman's attention, who comes outside, human, and grabs her before fleeing. She makes a weak excuse and quickly runs away. "You shouldn't have come all this way!" he calls after her, but lets Lucy go. Aaron finds her soon afterward, having hidden himself during the earlier ordeal. And of course he didn't see a thing.

Eventually Lucy's next Reading Rangers meet rolls around. Despite her protests, Mrs. Dark forces her to go. It's a miserable, rainy day, which makes the tread toward the library even more dreadful. Mr. Mortman greets her kindly as he usually would, and there are other patrons around in the library, so this puts Lucy a little at ease. As she waits for her meet, though, the patrons dwindle until it leaves Mr. Mortman and herself. Alone. And before seeing to Lucy, he locks the door. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you leave, Lucy. I can't let you leave the library," Mr. Mortman growls. (On a side note, he growls this in her ear, which seems a borderline pedo creepy, if you ask me.) It was only a matter of time before he deduced this, really, especially after her repeated attempts. Mr. Mortman becomes the monster and means to do her harm. Fortunately for Lucy, he has his priorities out of order. She accidentally knocks over the library card catalog and escapes while the monster attends to the scattered cards. And as an added gesture of Lady Luck smiling on Lucy, Aaron catches up to her. Turns out that he was hiding in the library and saw the entire event unfold.

At the Dark homestead, Lucy and Aaron repeat what had transpired at the library. Aaron's testimony is key to the story's credibility, as the parents would have dismissed it otherwise. So what do two grown adults do when confronted with a situation such as this? Why, they invite the monster in question over for dinner, of course! ... Yeah. Didn't see that coming. A few evenings later, Mr. Mortman arrives in answer to their invitation. Neither Mr. Mortman nor Lucy can seem to make heads or tails of this awkward position that they find themselves in. What's Mr. and Mrs. Dark's game? The adults chat for a while, serving iced tea as they make small talk. Gradually the conversation shifts over to supper. "What's for dinner?" asks Mr. Mortman, beginning to relax. "You are," replies Lucy's father. Mr. Mortman nervously asks again, feigning that he misheard, and Mr. Dark simply reiterates. Without any hesitation, Lucy's parents pounce on the librarian, baring fangs and devour him, bones and all. Lucy narrates, "My brother and I haven't gotten our fangs yet. That's why we couldn't join in."

Why were Lucy's parents skeptical about her seeing a monster when they were, themselves, monsters? Turns out that Mr. Mortman was the first monster in nearly twenty years to come to Timberland Falls. As for why they devoured him, besides protecting Lucy, was to protect themselves. Her mother explains to the children.

"You both understand why we had to do that, don't you? We can't allow any other monsters in town. It would frighten the whole community. And we don't want people to get frightened and chase us away. We like it here!"

Apparently Aaron doesn't know, then. Poor kid. Probably better that he doesn't find out. And so the 'The Girl Who Cried Monster' ends with Lucy telling her little brother another scary story before bed, actually retelling what happened earlier at the library, and gets a scolding from her mother. No more monster stories, Lucy.

While the majority of the story was pretty predictable, the ending was a pleasant twist. And one that made sense, too. (I'm talking about you, 'Say Cheese and Die!' *wags finger at*) Also, there was no annoying family pet dog and the younger brother wasn't irritable in the slightest, though we know that he acts as six-year-old siblings typically do. It was a simple story, sure, but I liked it overall. Perhaps it's partly the summer reading program, which brings back good memories. I give it three-and-a-half out of five 'Goosebumps' Gs.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, prelude

From the author of 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies', which will soon be followed by 'Dawn of the Dreadfuls'* (release date of March 23rd), a prequel to the former, comes another historical fiction/horror novel. 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' follows the sixteenth U.S. American President's lifelong vendetta against nineteenth century vampires.


It sounds good in theory, but the premise seems to reverberate somewhat with that of 'The Washingtonians'. Granted, the latter has cannibals, not vampires. But I couldn't help drawing a parallel, at least in my own mind. (The axe used in the Lincoln trailer didn't help, either. Yes, I recall that Lincoln was known to be handy with an axe, but Washington has garnered an association as well, even if it is a myth.) Still, I'm sure that this novel will make for an interesting read.

Besides, how can you not give it a try after watching the trailer? How many books even have trailers for that matter? And while we're on the subject of film, apparently Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov, according to The Hollywood Reporter, are teaming together to make a movie adaptation of said book. If Tim Burton is on board with the story then I'm certainly willing to give it a read.

Here's Amazon.com's review:

"Indiana, 1818. Moonlight falls through the dense woods that surround a one-room cabin, where a nine-year-old Abraham Lincoln kneels at his suffering mother's bedside. She's been stricken with something the old-timers call 'Milk Sickness.'

'My baby boy...' she whispers before dying.

Only later will the grieving Abe learn that his mother's fatal affliction was actually the work of a vampire.

When the truth becomes known to young Lincoln, he writes in his journal, 'henceforth my life shall be one of rigorous study and devotion. I shall become a master of mind and body. And this mastery shall have but one purpose...' Gifted with his legendary height, strength, and skill with an ax, Abe sets out on a path of vengeance that will lead him all the way to the White House.

While Abraham Lincoln is widely lauded for saving a Union and freeing millions of slaves, his valiant fight against the forces of the undead has remained in the shadows for hundreds of years. That is, until Seth Grahame-Smith stumbled upon The Secret Journal of Abraham Lincoln, and became the first living person to lay eyes on it in more than 140 years.

Using the journal as his guide and writing in the grand biographical style of Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, Seth has reconstructed the true life story of our greatest president for the first time-all while revealing the hidden history behind the Civil War and uncovering the role vampires played in the birth, growth, and near-death of our nation..."

Also, in the recent light of stories the likes of 'Twilight', Lord knows vampires need some redemption. Each contribution to help regain the genre's more dignified status quo is welcome in my book. 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' is doing just that, while making use of the period to add some additional flavor to the story.

On a side note, this is the Darkley Niche's fiftieth post. In the grand scheme of things it's a small milestone, but a milestone nonetheless. I'm sure that the Darkley storytellers would celebrate if they were able. Well, perhaps only Vicki. The other storytellers aren't as keen on computers.

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*Read The Zed Word's recent post about this upcoming novel for how to enter to win an advanced copy of 'Dawn of the Dreadfuls' through Quirk Books.